Swim to the rhythm of your beat

Peaceful, rustic and undisturbed lives

2011-05-18T21:36:00.002+08:00

It has been about half a year since I boarded the airplane with utmost relief and ineffable joy to depart from Vientiane, Laos International Airport. Now in the midst of a hard-wrought schedule with "eventful" days and weeks and semesters rolling in like items on an assembly line, I can no longer deny the deepest visceral longing--secret though--for an otherworldly retreat to deliver me out of this meshwork of spinning confusion.

Though my departure from Vientiane was as exhilarating mentally as it is uncomfortable physically, which I will talk more about in future, my arrival was definitely breathtaking. It is hard to depict how it feels like when I was one of those passengers crammed in a budget airline for the first time along with other familiar faces with the sole aim of landing safely, and returning from the harsh, and definitely backbreaking volunteer work unscathed. We had several transitions in between, and I purposely ensured that I was wide awake when any plane took off. The sound of engines roaring, wheels trembling, wings lifting and the sense of defying gravity towards an unfathomable sky were too awe-inspiring to be missed. I particularly treasured the moment when our plane had to wait at the crossroad for the plane scheduled right ahead of us to take off. Watching the huge, streamlined bird gliding gracefully into the cloud and its signal lights blinkering intermittently until finally disappeared into whiteness elicited a rarely experienced feeling about "oblivion", of which we were fully aware that in another moment our carrier would become another dot disappearing into the whiteness, equally internalised by the sky and its embrace.

The transition is Malaysia was brief, yet for the first time in my life I walked into Starbuck along with other, and I ordered nothing since I forgot to change for Ringgit, and the "contingency exchange rate" offered by our suave teacher in-charge was too economically unfavourable. Still, I enjoyed a good time playing board games and smelling the brew of coffee from others' cups. Mosquitoes abound, even in McDonalds, so we remained mainly in air-conditioned areas. When finally we reported at the LCCT Airport, the news about our plane's delay instantaneously knocked us out. We were all so expectant of landing in Laos as soon as possible, to get out of the concrete building and away from all the artifice and luxuries in the duty-free shops.

Our wish was finally granted when a few hours later, peeking down from the small window of our airplane, we could see terraced land, meandering streams, houses with corrugated-roofs and people with shabby clothes draped on their body. Finally we were out of our world.

This new world was instantly to our delight. We were so dutifully acting as tourists when we took shots of everything we saw: English words "Welcome to Vieniane" with their gratifying effect on us non-Laotian speakers, customs officers wearing "army costumes" with stars and rungs on their shoulder pads, dogs crossing the roads, and the motorbikes.

Swim against the Tide

2011-04-02T22:50:00.006+08:00

It has been more than one year and I still have the feeling that the phenix is yet to rise from the ashes. Many times I see people around me working harder, striving with fixed directions and bursting with exuberance and wonder when I can be like one of them, confident from within, the master of my soul. I keep my eyes on new hurdles and challenges emerging every so often, but the lethal drive for rebirth is not there. I am not completely my old self, the highly motivated and driven soul who acclaimed to the world at the end of every week:" Tomorrow, I will not be who I am today." I am improving in my tenacity and patience, althoughthe result shows at such an alarmingly slow rate that the old motivated self finds unacceptable. I cannot escape the gloom of comparing with my peers, those who excel, who endeavour till the end, and those who keep reaching for the laurels. Being easily contented with my achievements is my foible. It hurts more when I see with my eyes that the reward for the humble is greater... One year to go before I can get admitted into my dream college, and it is a hard process to pinpoint my strengths, my passion and my uniqueness. I have always wanted to be unique, that is why I avoid the crowd and seek for experiences that distinguish my self from the masses. In Nan Hua, there is no match of me posed by the like of YC, but in Raffles, I have more than a healthy amount of matches who are driven, upbeat, and forward-looking. I seek alternative routes to define myself. Getting into Youth Ambassador Programme, doing backbreaking volunteer work in Laos and Thailand, and tutoring kids in special needs schools, I expect a lot from myself and thus face more setbacks when they do not materialise. The momentum for this year is really peaking up. I can feel the heat burning inside every one of us. Being surrounded by genius is just one adaptation I am yet to accustomed to. Meanwhile, I should start finding mu uniqueness that really distinguishes me as exceptional. For I am extraordinary. And I dare to dream. Still waters run deep. I can prove my mettle. I will. Auspecium Melioris Aevi

Prayer for Deliverance from Enemies

2011-01-27T23:24:00.003+08:00

Hear my prayer, O Lord;
Give ear to my supplications in your faithfulness;
Answer me in your righteousness.
Do not enter into judgement with your servant,
for no one living is righteous before you.

For the enemy has pursued me,
crushing my life to the ground, making me sit in darkness like those long dead.
Therefore my spirit faints within me;
My heart within me is appalled.

I remember the days of old,
I think about all your deeds,
I meditate on the works of your hands.
I stretch out my hand to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord,
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me,
or I shall be like those who go down to the Pit.
Let me hear your steadfast love in the morning,
for in you I put my trust.
Teach me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

Save me, O Lord, from my enemies;
I have fled to you for refuge.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.
Let your good spirit lead me
on a level path.

For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life.
In your righteouosness bring me out off my enemies,
and destroy all my adversaries,
for I am your servant.

Amen

On the End of my First Year in Bishan

2010-12-24T14:51:00.002+08:00

Eleven months ago, I packed up from Boon Keng's McNair Lodge to come to my new nest. Here in Raffles Boarding, we do not get the grow-ups' freedom that we got in NUS High Residence, and nor do we get the Holiday-Inn-feel we got at McNair Lodge, but it is in such a place that I met my important partner in life and spent an extraordinarily fruitful year. It is always with mixed feelings when we are on the tail of another year, but this year, for the most of the time I was in seventh heaven, bustling with my daily work and basking in pleasure with my new friends. Still a spindle, I spins on my own orbit, but the difference in JC is that my trajectory is bound to intersect with many of others'. New marvels, new discoveries, and new learning points, both pleasant and unpleasant, made up the greatest teacher called "experience" and led me to see what real life holds for everyone: opportunities and challenges, triumphs and heartbreaks.

I used to use a metaphor to dissuade the pessimists: life is not a bed of roses, but it is not a litany of dismay either. For a brave heart the brighter side almost always outbalances the gloomy one and the direction we should look is always forward. Counting the highlights of the year, there were quite a lot of new marvels, and speaking of the mode of life, I must admit that independence plays a very important part in everyday's life. Planning your own schedules, following your own pace, choosing your own activities and taking care of your own welfare as well. One loop wrong, and we may have to think of remedies for that. Here our knowledge about both people and life has greatly expanded and our stamina best strained. Daily life can be tiring but being in a friendly class and staying with people you love can outweigh all the downsides of a frenzy life.

My current work for the Public Utilities Board as an intern makes me further cherish my life as a student. It is indeed the golden years of a being and the time when all the excitement and fresh experiences can build our characters. And indeed, it is also the hard time that we learn about rules and authorities, and handle them with care. Working life can be very different and monotonously straining, but the upbeater is to keep to your goal and always visualise the end.

Christmas is coming and again here I have to spend a snowless Christmas. Nevertheless, it will be a brilliant one, I bet!

Merry.

A Cascade of Waterdrops

2010-06-13T12:16:00.011+08:00

She turned on the tap and let the water flow.

Is it an undefeatable truth that an abundance of joy always overflows into sorrow? She hates the looming sense of foreboding, like an over-hanging chandellier of doom, so precarious that the gargantuan glitter could crush down over her anytime, like a bomb without a timer.

There was a timer, to her chagrin.

"Ooz, ooz..tick...tok..."

The water continued to flow, leaving a cascade of reflections in the fog-smeared window, and the grandfather clock never stopped ticking by. Dragging her feet across the creaking floor of her bangalow----a shallow one painted in dark yet gaudy crimson, Eliza sank to her bed and fell asleep the moment she touched the bedsheet. An unquenchable feeling of searing hotness swelled over her sockets; her eyes were burning like promethane flame (God forbid) and she clamped them shut like a stubborn oyster.

She touched a furry coil of softness and clutching hard onto it. That was her sole comfort.

Dizziness. More dizziness. The unwelcomed, much-abhorred debilitating feeling was crawling all over her, crippling her mind, numbing her senses.

She fell into a rabbit-hole.

Unable to reconcile with "the unbelievable", Eliza succumbed to the power of hallucinations as they bagan to gush forth her mind like a quill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short-circuit again. And she could not cry "Foul luck".

It was bad luck for her indeed.

As if fumbling to fill up a void in her life, she struggled to fend off the emptiness, yet to no avail. Her mind was assailed by a slate of hallucinations of begone days, yet all they did was add the additional touch of sorrow that afflicted greater pain. She's been tripped.

Flashing smiles, gentle kisses and strides with aplomb. Those impressions seemed so faraway since Simon's departure. She could never fathom why he chose the hard way to get enlisted and join the Army, and she would never realise that he did it for more than a personal reason. All that registered in her jumbled mind was that he was gone, like a cascade of waterdrops, and would never come back the same person.

It was beyond the point of no return.

Her instinct guided her to move on, albeit the gushing-forth of all the tender memories they shared on those fulsome summer nights when they just sat snuggly together at the foyer of her yard and licked ice-cream together. The chill of her tongue was soon tranfered to her whole body and the sensation made her shiver with joy. The moon would always be mystiquely full on those nights, and in occasions shrouded by a simmering steam-coat like a beauty wrapped in gossamer. Simon would wait for her to finish her final lick, and help her wipe off the inadvertent smear of cream on her spectacles.

It was on those nights when sky promised to keep all the secrets that they opened the floodgates of heart to each other. Admiration took a long time to blossom but they clicked as if responding to some unspoken spell, daring and binding, drawing them closer and closer. They were spiralled into a wonderful place where only them two existed.

And now he is gone, taking all her merriment, expectations and spices of life away like some ginie finally deciding to shut the bottle, or Pandora finally claiming back her spell after unleashing tremendous rupture in the Earth. Irretrievable. Unfathomable, and even abominable.

Foul luck.

"Ooz...ooz...tick...tok..." The dripping continued, so did the grandfather-clock.

Her ebony hair, now disshevelled and entangled, losed all its lustre before, and her smiling eyes grew more and more puffy, misty and dreamlike. Every Saturday, she would go to the train station to check the incoming trains for the next week, and every time she went back in disappointment that no train would come from her expected destination.

She entered into the pupa state, waiting for the awakening that became her hope of salvage. But before that happens, she is a pupa in a trance.

Vascillations~

2010-04-26T14:09:00.002+08:00

It is the first Monday that I felt such Monday blues, and this time it was different. I could not get off the "floating feelings" from me and it all seemed as if some sequence has been omitted. Honestly, the day dawned fine when I collected my ICA form for my student pass renewal form through a successful E-Appointment, but everything later seemed to begin to uncoil and entangle me into a big mass of confusion.

The ISLE Election should be the trigger. After a two-day bonding camp, there still seemed to be a giant chasm spanning across us, numbing our senses, preventing us from getting close to each other. The tense atmosphere indeed took a toll on me. I thought that my weakness was that I was not emotional, but the reality was the reverse. I am, irrevocably, an emotional creature and bogged down too much by my emotions. The fact that such blues could not be easily defused showed that I should learn Occlumency seriously.

Now, sitting in this nice Shaw Foundation Library with my best friend, I feel nothing is so terrible that cannot be overcome!

I've got my spirit back, because of you~

Thanks Bianca!

Cappuccino

2010-04-04T23:27:00.004+08:00

A sweet day started with a heavy downpour but ended in a fantastic way. The transformation within twenty-four hours from deploration to bliss was simply amazing. The renewed energy is burning inside me. Now, I feel so charged, so hopeful, and so blessed.

It is my best Easter ever. I have never felt so close to God and to my Angel. It is not simple magic. It is great magic, and I feel like part of an amazing organisation that is turning on a wonderful way. Being simply myself with my very own confidence and bubbly nature is so rewarding! I begin to feel empowered and tremendously loved:)

A simple, maybe exaggerated encouragement can spice up my day. That really made me smile! I shall strive to be a better self for those caring for me, supporting me till the end, and those always being there, like a guardian angel.

Good night, Angel:)

A Very Own "Your" water

2010-04-03T23:02:00.008+08:00

Confusion keeps emerging every day, every moment, in any form, and takes any part of your soul. Doubts engulf my feelings whenever a strong, really strong opinion is presented. Strong opinions are overwhelming. Some can be really loathsome. I should have had the sense to fend it off, brush is away like any annoying little flies. Like the wise man has said, the opinion can be kept forever, and you sometimes do not need even bother to prove it wrong~

However, consider it a tragedy when a self-manifesting glory is so debased, insulted and tramped upon. Even an overtly brutal generalisation can have an impact. WE ARE...how can "we" be generalised into an "are"? Everyone, every single one of us in this water is unique! It is such a debasing of all of our's intelligence and hardwork to label us "we"! Some are different from others, and within the some, a smaller "some" are different from others. We do have a common characteristic, and that is the very fact that we embrace life with all of our vigour, are proud of ourselves for the right reasons, and content in our own ways. That common trait makes us "us". Period.

I know the awful phenomenon does occur, and I know that something is in its imperfect state and that there is nothing we can do about it, but I do believe that such imperfection should not be aggrandised, overstated, and abused to an extent that the only blemish blocks everything else.

The pessimistic one should know that our world, through your very eyes, is twisted by your very vision since YOU ARE NOT IN IT. The one kept outside the orchard will always hold prejudice against the fruit INSIDE, and the one who has grown up loathing a certain system will end up cursing that specific system till the end of one's life. I permit such strong opinion to exist, but I neither tolerate nor accept it.

Living a fulfilling life is not about choice, only. It is about preferences! I can choose either, but I PREFER this. If much is not realised as much is given, that is my crime; but if much expected is not achieved as far as you are concerned, do you really think that counts?

Choosing something entails incurring an opportunity cost, but this does not mean that you are doing a losing business. Consider marginal benefit, not absolute loss! If there are so many people fighting their lives for the privelege of having to incur that opportunity cost, you cannot possibly say that it is a formidable cost, or a doom~

Reciprocation is not always desired. Our minds are not always heard, but we do not need them to always be searched, either. Some day, one day, I will share my query with a trustable friend, who belongs to part of the prophecy of the doomsayer, and who is smarter than me in flushing off that pessimistic thought.

We are the marvellous fish species swimming in this dynamic sea. We are lovin' it. Seriously, people are created different. You can keep your own set of values, why can't we?

Moreover, since you have known our choice all along, why don't you want us to prove you wrong, for once? Is it due to proudness? Come-on! My self-fulfilling prophecy works better than yours~

Rediscovery~

2010-04-02T23:27:00.005+08:00

"Day after day, year after year, men still try to impress, and women still yearn to be impressed. It is a world of hunters predating on the prey, and the prey so powerless with that tinge of reluctance to reflect the lethal, sweet blow. It is a world of self-fulfilling prophecy coming slowly to reality, of attraction based on intended desire, anticipated admiration, and ultimately, with a shiver down my spine, I say, designed programme. It is a world of rationalism clashing with "emotica", the clash of two Titans, irrevocably, unretrievably, and inevitably, hard to resist."

"If I believe Biology can do one thing for me, please, let it be fended off, or me get dragged in, but leave my heart as a whole---- my very own ego and pride. There is nothing there to unravel it. Anytime, any longer."

People say,"a princess never bows, like a scorpion never gives up stinging".But why cannot she do either? So she bows, and she hides her sting...

After Complication

2010-03-14T14:09:00.000+08:00

Hey!

This letter is about "The Godfather", an unprecedented classic I am very willing to discuss with you. Last time when I wrote to you (two days ago) I still had to prepare for my YAP interview for the next day. So I did not go into details about the movie series that I value so much. I am so happy to hear that you actually spent time during the Spring Festival to watch the saga----it is very long, about 9 hours plus in total, I think. You sounded like you really enjoyed it! Go so far as to look for its O.S.T. haha. The Jay song really gives the ambience (a wrong word here, but can suit other contexts, check it out), and is pertinent to the movie theme as well. Among those pieces in the Godfather original sound track, "Sicilian Pastorale", "Love Theme", "Apollonia" and "The Godfather Waltz" are my favourites.

You like the 1972 version best, and I like a lot about the version, too, though the 1990 version probes deeper into human nature as Michael strode in the last phase of his life. The second episode concerning Hyman Roth and Moe Greene was a bit what we call "commercial". The Las Vegas scene was relevant but less appealing in a violent setting. (personal opinion only, since gorgeous girls are merchandised by really "ugly'' men) However, I still agree that the 1972 version shows most vissicitudes of the Italian gangster family and touches me most.

I sincerely hope the following sounds more like a letter than a movie review.

The first Godfather Don Vito Corleone displayed the many virtues paradoxically co-existing with his mafia business. He valued family as a whole, never taking a photo when one was absent. He loathed the idea of drug dealing, despite the peril of turning on with the most dangerous partner. He maintained calmness and concealed his inner contradictions and anxieties from his families. He is a gangster and a family man, revered by all and dreaded by all.

The twist came when he was suddenly unable to keep his young son, Michael, "clean" from his family business after a failed assassination attempt on his own life. Michael's coolness aborted the follow-up assassin at the hospital, and he carried on to avenge for his father, killing Don Barzini and the loathsome police officer at the restaurant. Didn't you notice how cool and calm he was when he pulled the trigger that he had never touched before? And the nerdy, dreaded face of the police officer! That marked the ground-breaking emergence of a other wise low-key heir of the Corleone family.

Something interesting about the killing scene is that when I was watching it at home last year, my Dad came and noticed that Don Barzini asked for the police officer's permission before conversing with Michael in Italian, and he went on to chide me that I should do the same when I speak English with my sister. (During lunchtime when I wanted to plot something I did not want my parents to understand I always spoke in English, so they were very confused, and irritated a bit I think.) So you can imagine how aggitated I was when I was speculating whether the gun had been planted in the washroom for Michael while my Dad was...."Remember? See how cultured even the gangsters are! You two should learn from that."

Another scene which evoked fierce family discussion was about Michael's attitudes towards Kay and Apollonia, his Italian wife. When he was in exile in Italy for safety, we began to ponder whether he wound keep his promise for Kay. I gave the morally correct answer before the following scene showed how he betrayed Kay and falling for Apollonia. Others in my house were all very practical, practical, indeed, that they all undoubtedly believed that Michael would betray Kay, and I was convinced that sometimes promises just did not work out when circumstances change, and nobody should be blamed for that.

The final part about Kay's questioning Machael whether he had ordered tha killing of Connie's husband, Carlo, was soooooo touching! I kept my breath and was seriously hoping Michael to lie to her, seriously, please! Lie! Say "no" and hug her! HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT ME:) That is man. It is not about cheating, it is full of love, though how counter-intuitive and flimsy that seems.

Indeed, it was the third one that really revealed the deepest human nature and desire. Old Michael still tried to keep his promise for Kay to "legalise his family business", though Kay's belief in him was hopelessly dying down so as to aborted their son against the thousand-year-old Sicily rule and eventually left him with his son. She finally spoke out what became the biggest tragedy for Michael.

Michael Corleone: I spent my life protecting my son. I spent my life protecting my family!

Kay Corleone: Let's be reasonable here, Michael. I mean, that's your big thing, isn't it? Reason backed up by murder.

Michael Corleone: Oh, God, you hate me. You hate me.

Kay Corleone: No, I don't hate you, Michael. I dread you.

Michael Corleone: I did what I could, Kay, to protect all of you from the horrors of this world.

Kay Corleone: But you became my horror.

I pity him. That 's what he can never escape from, and never get forgiven for. Even when he eventually made a confession in front of the Pope, remorsing that "I've killed men, and I ordered men to be killed. No, it's useless. I killed... I ordered the death of my brother; he injured me. I killed my mother's son. I killed my father's son."
No matter what sins he had commited, he was still revered by all, and dreaded by all. It was his life's tragedy that his own daughter, Mary was killed for his sake. Her last call, the confused, not terrified call of "Dad", virtually extinguished every hope in his life.

So that's what I can write for now, though there are indeed much more unspeakable thoughts about Vincent, and how he controlled his emotions in a man's way. ("Love somebody else"..Great saying!) I shall stop here.
You might want to read the original, though I have never read that before.

Byeeeee!

Adieus~

2010-03-12T14:07:00.000+08:00

This is my last letter before the holiday ends. After school reopens, I will be hurled into a whole new frenziness that will not allow my brain to function outside academics. The seven-day break is really not enough for me, but I really have to say that I have learnt a lot these days from all the activities I took part in, and the mental juggle I am going through.

After my last letter to you about the struggle between a westernized and a traditional midnset, I suddenly realise that there is no difference too wide to bridge. There are sacrifices, which we call "opportunity costs" in economics, that we have to incur when we choose one way instead of the other. So now seeing that most of my old pals, whom I have shared the same memories in my early years, end up happily in their dream universities in either Beijing, Shanghai, or Zhejiang, Guangdong, I feel a void that I am not with them. A void is not like a pity. It is not real regret but the feeling you have when you have to make a pick between two "mutually exclusive" choices. One, or the other. Not both. Never will I get both. So now when I read the blog posts of my friends in my middle school, read about their lives, their feelings, their very own joy and sorrow, I feel so detached. Maybe that is how you always feel when you read my letters. The flaky detachment when time and space just do not fit. Sometimes the whole mood can be wrong, too.

I begin to wonder how the same product would end up in two different factories, like myself. How will I end up in China. Sure I will be able to talk your "talking", use your "buzzwords", follow your trends, and moreover, think the way you people think. I cannot. Sometimes I envy you people's Chinese capability, when it suddenly dauned on me that it is myself, by reading The Times, Newsweek, The Economist, and other weekly, monthly, double-monthly...Elle, Seventeen, Vogue, etc, that I leave no time for the all-so-expressive language.

Certain events in this holiday drove that gloominess away and affirmed me that life can be soooooooo enriching right here. In the past few days, I successfully passed the 2nd Round interview and become a World Vision Singapore Youth Ambassador^^. Staying up late has become a lifestyle, too. Almost for every day since Junior College started (expect for exam days) I have to sleep after 12:30, sometimes painstakingly even later, to deal with my work, academic and non-academic.

The day before yesterday I went for volunteer work in the Autism Resource Centre for children with autistic problems and other mental disabilities. It was both a shock and great grief for me to see poor kids like that. We as volunteers played with them in the Labrado Park, cooked some food with solid fuel (I was the expert in making popcorns) and accompanied them for a night hike. There were times when things really got difficult. They could shut down all of a sudden and not talk to you or even look at you. Some went too hyper and talked to themselves, some had no sense of boundaries beween boys and girls. We lot had a difficult time but it made me realise how rewarding the whole experience was!

The day ended late till ten so I had to make up for my work late into night. Since the next day (yesterday) was another service day of street fund-raising for Jamiyah Children's Home for the Orphaned, and I had a class outing! in the afternoon, I went to bed the previous day at about 2:30am to read about Copenhagen Conference, China's currency issue, Japan's commercial whaling, Armenian's disputed massacre and all that for my General Paper. And yesterday I had no choice but to get up at 6:50, rushing to Orchard for fund-raising. I raised a lot (better than the boys there) and right after noon I jumped into my casual clothes that I brought with me and was off for class outing.

You can imagine how sleepy I was when we were eating at Fish& Co. Actually I ordered nothing since I had a bowl of 排骨面 before with the fund-raising people. I was fighting with sleepiness in the cinema when we watched Alice in the Wonderland. Thankfully Manfred shared chips with me so I could stay awake. After the movie I was so kind that I went to Swenson's with them. Of course I did not order anything in that ultra-expensive ice cream shop, but I did taste a bit of Manny's omelette and -.- French fries. (I hate it when guys can eat French fries twice a day and still stay in good figure>.<) There was a model friend, Nikki in my class with us, too. Being with her made me feel oh-so-traditional, haha~.~ She is very pretty indeed:)

I could not fall asleep when I took public transport home because we needed to talk, I stay in the same place as Manny so we got off at the same station. When I reached home I felt so tired. But today I still managed to get up early and finish my two GP essays. (I've attached them so you can read them and try to write something in your free time)

It has been raining heavily this whole holiday. The rain did not dampen my spirit. I feel much better after this hectic but fruity holiday. Now I cannot wait for the school to reopen. But I have to catch up my school work like mad since I haven't been studying these few days

I'll write to you again when I come to my senses after all another frenzy school term. You must be freaking busy, too. So reply when you feel “天时、地利、人和”. There is no need to rush.

(I know how flaky this letter seems, but that's about my life recently. You must feel awayyyyy detached, err..sorry for that, but you love listening to stories, right? :P)

~.~

Time to get outta Comfort Zone

2010-02-03T15:12:00.003+08:00

Orientation Camp has come to an end, and we are now scattered like confetti into different classes. Some fortunate souls, like Florence and Amanda, get into classes with our OG members, but others like me are allotted to classes in which we do not really know a soul. It was quite a shock during yesterday's civic class. Among 25 of my classmates, 19 are IPs and they seem to know each other quite well. It was an honest feeling that we shared among our OG members----why don't just let us be together? Haha, that just does not work out!

Upon thinking today, it all seems that yesterday's worries were unnecessary. Of course, it is hard to get out of one's comfort zone, especially when one is with people he or she knows well, but it is really an exhilarating experience to mix with new people with new interests, new characteristics, and new ideas! In my class, the girls are very enthusiastic and outgoing, and the 3 ex-RGS councillors are pretty talented. My best friend is a SNGS girl--she likes Japanese comics and has attended Cos-play during the vacation! The boys, to my amazement, are equally awesome (that's Tat's catch-phrase) They are very willing to know about us, very respectful and gentleman-like. We played ice-breaker games today and everyone was very cooperative. That's Raffles Spirit!

It is my first time to wear full school uniform to school (with badge), and I am really very proud of being among so many awesome people. Now I have to wave goodbye to the old fond days of Orientation Camp and look forward to writing new chapters with 24 brainies and sweeties.

Take Five 12/02/10, I am looking forward to that! And...Class Camp!!!

College Spirit

2010-01-29T19:16:00.003+08:00

It was the second day of our Orientation Camp. The Storyline carried on and the torch kept burning. We had fun when we learned the Batch Dance, Batch Song and school cheers, and our physical stamina was tested when we travelled out of the college for Operation EA. All these activities made me realise how senior Rafflesians carried out our school spirit, and I was really touched when they all went that extra mile to make us J1s feel at home.

During the Batch Dance, we had our dance partners assigned by senior OGLs. My partner was a Meris Stella guy. We cooperated quite well, especially due to the fact that Cheryl, our group leader, constantly told us how to twist our bodies. Anyway, maybe it's that my partner is from a male school, so he was actually quite shy at first. Thankfully the session was not over-taxing, so soon we carried on to learn the Batch Song, a "sweet"(as they called it) Dream Along With Me.

What really impressed me was the Cheers Session. It was supposed to be a time of "culture shock" when all Rafflsians clapped the beats and shouted out their cheers, but no! I was so touched when the girls taught me their cheers so earnestly and demonstrated the signals and beats so patiently and kindly. They were so considerate that I really felt at home, totally unlike the popularly adopted view of a potential "culture ultra-shock". So now I can proudly say that I've got the hang of all the learned cheers so far. Since they made me feel so included, I could do the Samba, Mat Rock and Raffles Jam (especially:P) just as well and enthusiastically as them.

The Operation EA was the highlight of the day. I could see that senior leaders really made a lot of efforts to make us feel fulfilled. Ryan Lee, our OG leader, was really "the best"! He did all the logistics so consummately and selflessly that I felt we could never thank him enough! With 4.5 kilo of water and drinks in his bag, two bagfuls of snacks in his hands, he walked at the front and displayed what Raffles spirit called for. Whenever we had problems with the task missions or we needed to consult station masters, he would take the lead and put our interests at first when everyone was so tired. He was the last one to have lunch when we enjoyed the air-conned environment and he bought doughnuts for each and every one of us when he was so burdened by his heavy bags and carry-outs. That was really how leaders should be like~(claps)

One great news: I've got my new school uniform, and it suited my hair fine^.^ Tomorrow I shall visit Nan Hua for video making and then got my luggage at NUSH. Life is getting busy, but just like what my House motto says, great people should "soar on the wings of courage".

G'alvea~

Good life~

First Day in JC

2010-01-28T20:26:00.004+08:00

Today marked the beginning of my JC life in Raffles. It was a breathtaking experience. The Principal's briefing was really inspiring. I felt so touched at moments when Mrs Lim introduced the school values and how we should behave to be a Rafflesian, the one who "raises the flag when none flew before", the one who "stops competing and start excelling", and the one who is "original", who is "the change that he wants to see". It was my first time to sit in such a grand lecture hall, with my peers all with the same excited expression. I was in awe~

As for matriculation, I decide to take the conventional combo BCME. Though it is supposed to be tough, challenging, and mentally draining, I am prepared for it. Biology is a bold choice, because all the modules we learn will be closely related to molecular biology, which is what takes a lot of efforts. Another bold choice is Economics, a new subject which none knows its true colour. Despite these concerns, I feel so relieved when many others take the same combi as me, especially those in my House. They really make great companion!

It is really astonishing to feel that in Raffles you can freely exchange your minds and thoughts with others. I am allotted to Buckle Buckley House, and there are real interesting people! Three Vietnamese boys from RI, one Korean, one Chinese(which is me), and all others are RP people. They can play wonderful games and you never feel short of conversation with them. Maybe I just like the environment in JC, where everyone is willing to know anyone else. There is one problem here: most of them are RI and RGS students, and we are the few JAE ones scattered around them, which means I have to memorise a lot of names while they only have to memorise one, in the case like my House when I am the only newbie there. Thank God that I did not get any freshman trick!

Tomorrow we will have batch dance and Eat Out session at Orchard/Bugis, it will be a draining day so I must get over-hydrated for now, and have a nice sleep! Sometimes it is really sad to know that some friends won't be taking the same course as you, but, like always, you can always make new friends outside OG.

By the way, we had OG Dinner together at Junction 8 tonight. It was so cool and so near our school! J8 really has the potential to be our frequent hangout place~

Another exciting news: I am not the only one in my OG Group, a RI scholar is staying in the Morrison Dorm, just oppposite my lovely Moor. So I could just walk with him and not get lost!

Now I have to submit my matriculation online, bye~

Hope everyone enjoy their "first day" in JC!

Milestone

2009-11-05T12:47:00.003+08:00

Two-Year Anniversary in Singapore!!!

On the Cusp of Maturity

2009-10-31T21:25:00.004+08:00

Eighteen~ What a magical number!

It is so hard to believe that my 18 would come in this way: quiet but blissful, stressed but heartwarming, jittery but full of expectation...I know, on my road towards maturity, this has been a significant step, an inevitable step, and a beatific one.

Wishes from my old-time playmates evoked those beautiful memories with them. The familiar Tank's song attached with the mail suddenly made realise how much I had missed----their remembrance, my old love, my old petulance, and my old tantrums. All those episodes will be replaced by new ones when tomorrow comes----that is the magic of "18".

18, the end of the "blossom season", as well as the culmaination of the "rain season".

There is lightning and thunder tonight. Maybe the heaven is rejoicing with me, I mean, us...

01.11.2009

My juniors' one year anniversary of landing in Singapore, my first step----voluntarily and involuntarily, willingly and reluctantly----into maturity.

Into a season without any more tears, and any more heartbreaks.

Into my adulthood~

Let's say "HOORAY!"

Yeah. My whole 17 has been spent in Singapore, without a single step outside her. My whole 17 without seeing any of my family members, meeting any one of my old friends in China...

17 again? One cannot press "restart" button as one wants to. And I doubt I won't choose the same route:P

Anyway, 17 will be forever remembered for being the most important year in my life. It is my first time living my own life without my parents by my side, for the whole year.

Now thinking back about two years ago, when I just turned 16, it feels so long ago. We cut the cake on the newly decorated "bar" table. I wore a red sweater, peering out of the window of our 14th storey flat, and taking photos of myself.

These two years, I have seen too much cake-cutting, birthday song-singing, cheering...It is so amazing when people around me are growing and I do not feel myself growing, old. Time is fair. So here comes my moment:)

Today's original plan was to buy two small cakes for my sister and myself. But it was storming just now----Singapore's rain season comes in advance, strangely---- so we decide upon eating Chinese Dumplings instead. By 24:00, we will say our wishes~

Thanks for all those who have wished us, and thanks for all the wishes that are yet to come. It is great being remembered~.~

I am no longer a small kid. So no excuses for immaturity anymore:)

Hello. 18!

Days of My Past

2009-10-21T18:42:00.002+08:00

I recall when I was young Oh~
I will play and always having fun
with the neighbour next to me

And we'll play until the setting sun
try to be "The Best" among the others
in a game call the "Spider battle"

It doesn't matter,
who is the best now
those were the days of my past

Few years later when I got to school and was late for lesson all the time
Always day dreaming in the class
till I don't even know the lessons done

Then my teacher always tell me
Never ever be lazy again
What can I do now
What can I say now
Those were the days of my past

As the days go on and on
I grew up and had my first love
Candle light and sandy beach
Finally give away my first kiss

Mother said I was too young to fall in love and
then I will one day regret so love was over
but I do miss her
Those were the days of my past

Just when I left my high school and
got my first job as a salesmen
working hard all day and night
no one there to lend a helping hand
Daddy told me not to worry and
said that I should go on step by step
Those were the days of my past

Then once day I settled down with the only one I really love
gona small family with two kids that is what I'm always hoping for
But I still remember having fun with all my friends when I was young
I miss my hometown I miss my old friend
Those were the days of my past

I miss my hometown
I miss my old friend
When will I see them again

Don't Quit

2009-10-17T19:36:00.003+08:00

I chanced upon this when I browsed through the CEP materials that I had handed in on 13th, August. The familiar prose dragged me to the scene when the whole cohort of students sat in the hall, listening to a gentleman reciting the poem of an obscire poet.

Something has happened,but what was initially dealt as important seemed to lose its weightage. People are ageing, and age has given everyone a crust, like that on a refrigerated cake. We should focus on the reality now, though it is occastionally cruel. So let it be.

Nothing we can do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future. Not others' future, your own future...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't Quit.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must but dont's you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems far;
So stick to the fight when we're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

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I won't, you won't, she won't, and he won't, and the world will be a better place for us to live in.

For all the decent~~~and only the decent~~~

Gastronomical Delight

2009-10-10T22:08:00.020+08:00

Hi, I have enjoyed wonderful food at Shangri-la Hotel today. All the food there just piqued your appetite and made you eat until you felt like giving birth...Ok, let us be concise and see what were the sinners to be found...

Desserts~

Mashmallow and Chocalate Fountain~

Casserole and French Bun~

Satay and Toast~

Noodle and Cheese Salad~

Pickled Vegie~

Prawns~

Clams~

Cabbage with Bacon~

Steamed dim sum~

Better stop eating now~

Eat next time:)

Game Theory

2009-09-30T20:56:00.008+08:00

Game theory is a branch of applied mathematics, but strangely, discussions about it came during our literature lesson, and sparked off an animated debate.

It all began when one of our Prelim-exam articles, Kaff's short story "Survivor", grabbed our attention by its unique ending.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man and his sleigh dog were marooned on an iceland near the South Pole. Their fates were sealed if there was no plane to save them within one week. The man's survival prospects were bleak in the face of the harsh weather and the menace from the only living thing beside him--the dog.

For fear that his dog, a huge one, would overpower him and eat him up to avoid its impending starvation, he chose to act first. He began to hone a knife. The dog gazed at him curiously and the man believed that he saw fear crossing its face, but he went on his mission--facing the threat of death, no one could be altruistic.

He ordered the dog to come to him, and lifted the shiny knife.

The dog obeyed, albeit it flinched at first.

He was overcome by his conscience and threw the knife away the moment his dog approached him, and cried in the snow.

That was when the dog knew.

It circled around the man, hollering and bawling menacingly with its last strength. The man continued to whimper.

The dog stopped to lick his face with its warm, wet tongue, and the man who had been thrilled to bits, went up to hug the dog, tightly.

Two days later, an aeroplane circling around the area observed a shiny spot in the whiteness of the snow and spiraled down.

It was the knife.

So they were both saved, the man and the dog.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The discussion was: if you were the man, would you kill the dog?

Some answers came within seconds:

"I won't. I don't eat raw meat. It was disgusting."

"No. Of course. I can't bear the thought of killing anything."

"Maybe...No, should not be...If it dare come near me I would kill it for sure."

"Yeah, I will hone a knife...but it depends whether I kill the thing..."

My answer:"No. Of course. My strength enough to kill a dog? Joking! I can't make it die even if I kill it, so why bother?"

The essence of the discussion, however, was not what we have discussed above. So our devastated teacher(after hearing our answers, especially the "no-disgusting-raw-meat" answer), envisioned a new situation.
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If all of you are arrested by a terrorist who divide you into two groups in different buildings and he gives each group a control pad that controls the bombs of the other group's building. If you denotate the others' building, you will be released alive. However, if the other group acts first and decides to bomb your building, you will die. Each group has three minutes to decide which action to take...

Will you press the "red button" of your controller?

We were literally divided into two groups in my class that were supposed to be put in the two buildings, and the three-minute discussion started. Within three minutes, we were supposed to message our teacher our mutual decision whether to "bomb" or not.

At the end of the three minutes, neither side pressed the "red button", so we both survived.
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In reality?

With people you do not know in the other building?

Both groups will bomb the other side, but the group I was in pressed the button first so the other group died.

With your family members in the other building?

Neither pressed the button.

With possible criminals?

For sure we both "bombed" the other side, but again there was the "time issue". Our group sent the message faster so the other side was blasted into oblivion.
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Mr. Cai(our literature teacher) came into a conclusion based on our reactions: if there are people we know, we won't bomb the building, but if they are strangers, off they die.

So he made the situation more complicated.

Inside the other building: 1 family member, 19 possible criminals. Bomb?

"Hmm...then..."

Inside the other building: 20 family members / friends or 20 possible criminals. Bomb?

"Uh-huh...well..."

Inside the other building: you don't know who they are, and how many of them. Bomb?

"Gosh! I quit!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wait, who are in MY building with me," I asked Mr. Cai.

"Your friends and family members."

"Then I will bomb them."

"What if you are with people you do not know?"

"Then... I won't press the button, and persuade people in my side not to. But if they do insist, I have nothing against it, either. The decision is beyond me, now."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So it depends on your 'fate'~" (everything seems to be about fate and luck...don't say it about exam:)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We roared...Mr. Cai is a hardcore fatalist, so whenever we come to this topic, we feel like treading on landmines. Here he came...

It is actually a model of "game theory", in fact a situation of Nash Equilibrium (Note: John. Jr.Nash was the Nobel laureate for Economics due to his contribution to 'equilibrium concepts', and I have read a biography about him).

Nash Equilibrium:
If each player has chosen a strategy and no player can benefit by changing his or her strategy while the other players keep theirs unchanged, then the current set of strategy choices and the corresponding payoffs constitute a Nash equilibrium model.

Upon searching more into the topic, I made an appalling dscovery that Game Theory is also applied in the study of biology, in a concept called "biological altruism".

Biological Altruism:
A situation in which an organism appears to act in a way that benefits other organisms but is detrimental to itself. This is distinct from traditional notions of altruism because such actions are not conscious, but appear to be evolutionary adaptations to increase overall fitness of the species.

Examples:
Vampire bats, who regurgitate blood they have obtained from a night's hunting and give it to group members who have failed to feed.

Worker bees, who care for the queen bee for their entire lives and never mate,

Vervet monkeys, who warn group members of a predator's approach, even when it endangers that individual's chance of survival.

All of these actions increase the overall fitness of a group, but occur at a cost to the individual.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then I realise. "Game theory" is much more complicated in real-life application and many factors around you, coupled with your own choice and decision, will decide your fate.

Then it dawned me on the Cuban Missile Crisis:

What if either John.F. Kennedy or Khrushchev chose to press the "hot button" during the Cold War? A nuclear war?

Thank goodness they steered away from it...

Maybe they both knew well about the "game theory". Who knows? But thank goodness if they knew.

Because you Loved me

2009-09-29T17:25:00.005+08:00

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you

Ill be forever thankful baby

Youre the one who held me up

Never let me fall

Youre the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldnt speak

You were my eyes when I couldnt see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldnt reach

You gave me faith coz you believed

Im everything I am

Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly

You touched my hand I could touch the sky

I lost my faith, you gave it back to me

You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall

I had your love I had it all

Im grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I dont know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldnt speak

You were my eyes when I couldnt see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldnt reach

You gave me faith coz you believed

Im everything I am

Because you loved me

You were always there for me

The tender wind that carried me

A light in the dark shining your love into my life

Youve been my inspiration

Through the lies you were the truth

My world is a better place because of you

About Past

2009-09-23T19:37:00.004+08:00

About Past...

Past is a myth, a sweet myth. It is a great feeling that sometimes this myth can unfold right in front of you, to remind you that part of your life is still retrenched in your heart, forever and always.

I believe there is nothing in the world more fabulous than being missed, being waited, and being marked as "special". I am fortunate to find such a friend.

Not "find". I know my friend has always been there for me--we've known each other for eleven years. (Good age, we're about to be adults) Sharing some anecdotes after five years may be the most heartwarming way of remembering our past, making it alive, and reliving it again. We all need the time and the mood to reminisce. It is therapeutic.

About memories...

I have half a piece. You have half a piece. Together we make it a whole.

Maybe I remember more about you, because I do not need to sift through my mind to think of details about you. They are lying peacefully in my memory. But I wish you remember more. You indeed.

It is lucky to have a friend sharing your past, and cherishing that shared part. People can be put into different worlds as time passes by, but that mutual memory links the world, so my "world" is not so different from your "world", and their "world".

About weather...

Believe that we are "special" enough to MAKE the day for others. I MAKE rain, and I MAKE sunshine (today's sunshine:)

Believe that we can always find reasons to be happy in any conditions we live in----just small things can bring out sunshine.

Believe that we have the "cheek" to let the cloud be blown away.

About time...

Keep counting, because we are all growing.

At different sections we meet different people, and we show them our different "selves" (since they are different). Never be scared by the time. It indeed gives you a crust like that on the refrigereated cake, but time is a beautiful thing if you just "tickle" it and it "giggles" for you.

Things cannot be reversed, so always be contented that they happened as they did, and be sorry if you have any inclination to condemn your past.

And get nervous~especially when time rewinds and we see people in our past----VERY past. It is the most beautiful evidence that we still care about them, a lot.

To end...

What a great past I have!

When I was still the tiny girl in the denim trousers, helpless and fluttered I believe, and the game "three-letter-word" was going on and I was "rescued" by my good friend.

When I was still the naive girl I was trapped in the riddle----"can neither go up nor down". Isn't it "卡"?

When the SARS broke out, I was on a mission with others to make collages and encourage the public to combat the disease by giving out leaflets on the streets. I went through that special training saying "保镖" ten times on end (try it! you'll get your tongue twisted!) And I was one of the consultants; my good friend was the other:)

When my first graduation drew near, ways began to separate, once and for ever. We were never on the same track again, but we have since then been making changes, big ones and small ones, to our lives.

When after five years, we talk about our past again. It sounds sentimental, but we are all "maturally sentimental", so it sounds fine.

About future...

We will be adults, soon. I expect it as much as my friend does.

We will still be in two worlds, but we are going to enjoy a higher degree of freedom that age grants us.

We will become lifelong pals:)

And hopefully we will attend each other's weddings:)

So there is a lot to be looked forward to.

Let's get nervous soon;P

To Lv:

2009-09-21T10:30:00.003+08:00

You sound tired. Life must be tough for you. Indeed, we at the ease here can only feel a fraction of the stress that you are dealing with, the grappling with your future directions, and all the unknowns(x, y, z.etc).

I can envision your conditions now. Can you believe it? I paid a visit to your school two years ago. Yeah, the new building in the suburb. You mentioned Tao Yuanming's poem about the country life. I can relate to that. It must feel like being part of a great mission for you, tending to your own life, fighting for your future, and having your own way that looks both promising and uncertain. All out of your own, away from the shelter of your parents.

I understand your stress, and feel heartened that you get along with it.

You mentioned "loneliness", and to "love your loneliness". Great thinking! What I feel now is a bit ashamed that I am too used to the ease and comfort here and the surety of my future that I almost forget about all the hardship that I should and could have faced. Comfort has softened me up, I think. Even when you talk about the chilly drizzle there I could shudder involuntarily...Here I am too used to the sunshine. Sunshine does a lot of good to the skin but it weakens my endurance to harshness, which I think you can deal with it now much better than me.

Indeed. That is how lives are different for us. I remember last time you asked me to write informally. I did try but here comes your serious letter. It really rings a bell in me about what you are going through. Suffice to say that as long as you feel happy about your life, I am greatly relieved:)

Now maybe some really light anecdotes can lighten you up, and it would be great if I could unburden you. You know, I still keep that "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" you gave me on Primary 6 sports meeting on my bookshelf. And once you drew a distorted scorpion and used a "flies pat" to crush it. You always wrote "nasty" things on my wish cards, and even the parting message...You copied mine word for word...

And I didn't blame you for all that, and I will never. You must be growing up really fast...(haha)I just hope I can grow just as fast. Being abroad for the first year was a terrible bittersweet experience, but for the second year, I am getting the hang of it, and I feel at ease. Maybe adaptation itself is another form of maturity? I hope so.

I 'll contact you when I return. Now it's time to say "regards". Zhengzhou is chilly now, right? So take good care of your skin. Wash your face with algae salt (if possible) and I hope no more pimples on your face?:D

Friend from Afar

L.Z.

"The Rose"

2009-09-17T19:13:00.003+08:00

Some say love
It is a river
that drowns the tender reed

Some say love
It is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love
It is a hunger
an endless aching need

I say love
it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart
afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance

It's the dream
afraid of waking
that never takes the chance

It's the one
who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give

and the soul
afraid of dying
that never learns to live

And the night
has been too lonely
and the road has been too long.

And you think
that love is only
for the lucky and the strong.

Just remember
in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow

Lies the seed
that with the sun's love,
in the spring, becomes "The Rose"

-----------Westlife

MIssing yOu~

2009-09-12T19:08:00.005+08:00

My childhood playmates,

I am missing you~

Very Much Indeed~

How Fishy? (by Jasper Fforde)

2009-09-10T18:21:00.004+08:00

(Something happened before, leading to this conversation between two SpecOp Officers)

"What do you think?"

"Fishy," said Bowden. "Very fishy. How could something like Cardenio (note: a long-lost manuscript by Shakespeare) turn up out of the blue?"

"How fishy on the fishiness scale?" I asked him. "Ten is a stickleback and one is a whale shark."

"A whale isn't a fish, Thursday (note: the female Officer's first name)."

"A whale shark is--sort of."

"All right, it's as fishy as a crayfish."

"A crayfish isn't a fish," I told him.

"A starfish, then."

"Still not a fish."

"A silverfish?"

"Try again."

"This is a very odd conversation, Thursday."

"I'm pulling your leg, Bowden."

---------From "Lost in a Good Book" by Jasper Fforde

Our High School? One more time~

2009-09-05T01:08:00.006+08:00

Start of Something New

Living in my own world

Didn't understand

That anything can happen

When you take a chance

I never believed in

What I couldn't see

I never opened my heart (oh)

To all the possibilities

I know that something has changed

Never felt this way

And right here tonight

This could be the start

Of something new

It feels so right

To be here with you

And now looking in your eyes

I feel in my heart

The start of something new

Oh, yeah, Now who'd of ever thought that

We'd both be here tonight

Yeah, And the world looks so much brighter (brighter)

With you by my side

I know that something has changed

Never felt this way

I know it for real

This could be the start

Of something new

Gotta Go My Own Way

I gotta say what's in my mind

Something about us

Doesn't seem right these days

Life keeps getting in the way

Whenever we try, somehow the plan Is always rearranged

It's so hard to say

But I've gotta do what's best for me

You'll be ok

I've go to move on and be who I am

I just don't belong here I hope you understand

We might find our place in this world someday

But at least for now I gotta go my own away (Own way)

Don't wanna leave it all behind

But I get my hopes up

And I watch them fall everytime

Another color turns to grey

And it's just too hard to watch it all

Slowly fade away

I'm leaving today 'cause I've

Gotta do what's best for me

You'll be ok

I've got to move on and be who I am

I just don't belong here I hope you understand

We might find our place in this World someday

But at least for now I gotta go my own away

[Troy] What about us?

What about everything we've been through?

[Gabriella] What about trust?

[Troy] You know I never wanted to hurt you

[Gabriella] And what about me?

[Troy] What am I supposed to do?

[Gabriella] I gotta leave, but I'll miss you

Oh so,

I've got to move on and be who I am

[Troy] Why do you have to go?

[Gabriella] I just don't belong here I hope you understand

[Troy] I'm trying to understand

[Gabriella] We might find our place in this World someday

But at least for now

I gotta go my own away

I gotta go my own away

I gotta go my own away

Intact Illusion

2009-08-10T21:24:00.007+08:00

"...There are two schools of thoughts about the resilience of time. The first is That time is highly volatile, with every small event altering the possible outcome of the earth's future. The other view is that time is rigid, and no matter how hard you try, it will always spring back towards a determined present. Myself, I do not worry about such trivialities. I simply sell ties to anyone who wants to buy one..."

Tie seller in Victoria, June 1983

Another Start

2009-08-09T18:52:00.001+08:00

Happy 44th Birthday Singapore!

"Fate" exists?!

2009-07-17T19:59:00.027+08:00

A wondrous-sounding word can be totally fabulous and nebulous at the same time, like "fate".

Someone called it "magic".

It is kind of "fate" that the topic of "fate" can be brought up for three times within three days. What sparked off this discussion among us? What sent a tingling to our hearts?

It may be clad in the disguise of "chemistry" when fate revs in between lovers or just, close friends. Yet it is more often than not depicted as an obnoxious excuse for one's resignation to his or her failure, when one heaves a sigh:"It's my fate. Nothing to do about it."

May a wondrous-sounding word be more negative than positive to begin with? Or if it is so, is it its "fate"?

People past their prime years tend to believe in fate, after knowing that personal strength and perseverence have so little to do with the general "trend" along which the Earth is spinning. They believe that certain restrictions are unquestionable and unquestioned, that you can do nothing about it so you'd better make yourself scarce. They believe that though you know something is wrong and righteously should be corrected yet no possible forces can push along the change. They believe that there are certain things one can never aspire to, in the face of his or her fate.

These thoughts are bat off like annoying flies by young people. It is pessimistic! It is fatalistic!! Thus it is STUPID!!!

The only difference between the young and the old (apart from the degree of oxidation) is that the young have a brilliant future before them whilst the old have a brilliant future behind them. Maybe that is where the curb is, where there comes these two opposite sets of mind when "fate" is concerned.

Aspiring young people hate the word.

From this definition of the feature of the "young", I am, distressingly, not qualified to be one of them. Of course, I do not literally believe in "fate", like people who seek fortune tellers and palm readers do; and all my "superstitious behaviours" are restricted to doing some online quizzes about "who is your perfect match?" and publishing my "astrological sign" on Facebook or having unconsciously let my grandpa decide on my name based on "which of the five elements is missed in you".

But I never deny the existence of "fate", which someone alleges to be "chance", which I take in with a grain of salt.

You can be born rich or poor. Isn't that sort of the simplest form of the nebulous concept "fate"? How could you possibly know anything about it when you are just floating in the fabuous amniotic fluid in your mother's womb, licking fingers? You may say, parenthesis is not important, rich or poor, there are people who make a bonanza out of life against all odds----they changed their fates. But what is to say about those who are born paralysed or deformed due to his or her mother's gross neglect of pre-natal care, say, chain-smoking, or more heartrendingly, a child born with AIDS? What is that magical force that dumps them in the mishap, if not fate?

Again, it sounds pessimistic. Why blame something that you cannot control on "fate", and sit there crossing fingers instead of taking some concrete actions to "make a change"? It is a catch-phrase we all like, isn't it? "Change we can believe in" has become an adage which lit up many desperate Americans' lives in this horrendous economic torrent, hasn't it? Once I scribed it neatly on my whiteboard as a motivator, didn't I?

Aren't these testifying that people are by heart defying against their "fate"?

Not exactly.

Those who admit the presence of limitations and restrictions due to their fates are not necessarily those who strive for nothing and complain day after day in utter idleness. People can be back in the shackles over and over again without being deterred, but the shackle is there. There is no denying about that. You can be unfazed by it at all but it refrains you from going beyond the limit which is possible for the others who are limb-free. Of course, whether the others take the advantage of their merits or just waste them is another story. But given the same circumstances, we can say that one has a better "fate" than the other, a more promising destiny laid ahead.

We live in a world with rules binding us. The rules are set favouring a certain group of people, yet disadvantageous to the other, though in a certain system of so-called "relative fairness". This "relativity" is where the gap is, maybe not a big one, but certainly one that can be felt. Admitting to "fate" is not equivalent to succumbing to it, nor is it comparable with "restricting the dimension of your dream", since in the first place, the dimension of your dream is pre-restricted. If you want to go beyond the boundaries, go ahead. But the extra work against odds is needed.

That is the objectivity and authenticity of fate.

That is how fabulous the nebulous concept can be. However, there is another form of fate that I believe everyone (except those serious-cum-realistic jerks) wants to acknowlege its existence----the fate of love (given that the love is not founded on materialistic needs or carnal desires). Certain people meet and fit in each other like jig-saw puzzles; they just look at each other and know that they are M.F.E.O. (made for each other). And they attribute it to a certain "magic", of which I am more than willing to acknowledge, too.

Still not convinced?

Still feeling ambitious to change your situation, which according to you has nothing to do with your fate?

Here comes the final touch to give my preaching of "fate" a tone of finality.

Those admirably tenacious souls, if you want to fight against the odds and believe that nothing is more overwhelming than one's will power, go ahead to desire and aspire and change your "situation" (not fate, see?) I believe the hard work will be paid of due to this rule of "universe":

"If you aspires something too much, the whole universe will conspire to help you."

But after all, even if that is true, isn't it "fate"?:P

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By the way, for those who want to explore more about the "fate of love" or that peculiar "chemistry", I strongly recommend you to watch the movie "Sleepless in Seattle". It weaves part of the tapestry about the "love magic".

Smoothie

2009-07-11T10:16:00.011+08:00

When you make a smoothie, you peel the fruit, crush it and blend it in a food processor, until all the contents are torn into shreds, no longer recognisable.

My mind is like a smoothie, oozing, full of shreds waited to be put into place.

Events are coming out like bamboo shoots after a rain. My organiser is no longer a free-for-all----the time when all invitations were politely accepted and righteously scribed in the notepad was gone. In fact, I do not even bother to note down the things I need to do in an organiser. Being "barren" for almost three weeks, the last entry still loyally keeps the tasks supposed to be fulfilled ten days ago. Ten days later, the entry is still up to date since none of those glaring tasks has been completely fulfilled, and I am tired of erasing all the contents on 01/07/09 just to refill exactly the same contents on 11/07/09.

By now I have put down two outing requests, with grave solemn and prickling pain. Every time I decline an invitation is no different from finding a pathetic excuse for a committed plunder, heart beating fast, mind reeling, feelings chaotic.

And all around me is a potpourri of confusions and contrasts. At the same level in my block, there are girls who drool over Japanese/Korean stars, shouting "my Jamada Ryousuke!", "my Kim Jeong Hoon!", "my やまだ!" while there are also those conscientious ones studying at the lampside. There are girls who shuffle to the canteen with unkempt hair and clothes while there are also those who industriously do all the job of home-cooking in the kitchen. There are girls who are scolded by boarding masters for untidy rooms while there are also those whose rooms are "cleaner than clean".

I am neither here nor there, just like the title of Bill Bryson's travel book.

Sometimes I join the former and shout "my 현중!" to cover the voice of "my やまだ!", but I have never cooked anything for my meals, not even instant noodles, not even when there is no smoke in the pantry since we use an electric stove.

Sometimes I study by the lampside, combing my mind and doing wonders, but I have never won a single prize for "the cleanest room", though I have sincerely promised to keep my room clean if there is a prize for "the dirtiest room".

I am thus stuck in the middle, neither here nor there, like Bill Bryson the geek.

That is also why my mind is like a smoothie, oozing, contents no longer recognisable.

Still, I assert myself to be sensible, only with a tinge of self-denial.

Oh, Rainy Day!

2009-07-05T18:31:00.004+08:00

Many things can happen on a rainy day:

You can put on your hoodie, and crouch like a grizzly bear, walking with a slightly forward-leaning gait to shun the downpour.

You can switch off the air-con, open the tear-streaked windows, and use a petri pish to collect fresh rain water.

You can wear a pair of water-proof sandals, walk in the rain, splash the ripples with your feet and roll your unbrella like a mushroom's lid.

You can jump onto the first bus to come, wherever it goes, seek a place near a window and spell out on it the name of the person that you miss.

You can gaze out of the window at a crossroad, watching how people with raincoats loitering with aplomb, people without as wet as a drenched mop.

You can wave at an automobile that passes, if you think someone you know is sitting inside.

You can observe how the neon lights shine in the rain, light being reflected and refracted countless times.

You can sympathise with the vendor selling baked potato on the street, the gleam of the coal dimming with time.

You can covet at a supermarket, where lots of people seek refuge in, where there are trails of dirty footprints on the "welcome" carpet.

You can give a cursory look at a teenage couple, hiding in a telephone booth to shield the rain, and getting closer and closer "as a result".

You can text a message on the phone, reminding your mother to take in the outdoor shoe rank or the bamboo pole hanging outside the balcony.

You can prick you ears and hear a ten-year-old shouting, "Hey! Come down and play! Play water!"

You can gaze at the mini-television screen in the bus, wish to see your idol pop out in an advertisement.

You can rejoice in the diminishing sound of the rain: Finally I can get off the bus!

You can dash off the bus to the nearest Seven-Eleven or Marks and Spencers, browsing for a warm drink or a gag gift that might come into handy someday.

You can insert a coin and collect a trolley, then roam into a multi-storey supermarket.

You can gawk at a bag of wasabi flavoured green beans, and warn yourself never to buy it again before throwing it into your trolley.

You can queue in front of the cashier's counter absent-mindedly and suddenly realise that your CH3COOH partner is queuing behind you. So you do not look back.

You can take the same bus home, or a different one, and unfortunately overshoot your stop.

You can do many many more fabulous things on a rainy day.

Let's get going:)

A Recreational Remembrance of "Golden Monster"

2009-07-02T19:46:00.029+08:00

"Golden Monster" was my primary school classmate, a friend I would fondly remember of. He got this epitaph because of the Chinese character "yellow"（黄） and "gold"（金） in his name, also partly because of another fact that he is a boy----a popular one with a strong character, thus would befit the title "monster", though the more tender side of him will be discussed later.

I thought of him today when the memories of my primary school "parting messages" came into my mind. It was customary in my hometown that graduating studenst should get a collection of "parting messages" from their classmates. In that stage of life, most of those messages were definitely not about the sorrow and bitterness of parting which we now so easily relate to when talking about graduation. Those messages were mostly tongue-in-cheek jokes about one another----a lot of fun could be made on any respect of a person: his "exotic" looks, his habitual actions, his off-tune singing, and of course, his future "partner". "Golden Monster", the popular and charming casanova, of course, never escaped from what was inevitable for him:D:D:D Now let me bring you into the world of this interesting "Golden Monster".

In Primary 1 and 2, "Golden Monster", the nondescript-looking boy with a medium height, was just a vague form in my memory. I did not remember him participating in those games like catching, seek and hide or "three-word-phrase", which a lot of boys joined with girls. Not yet did he rise to fame at that point of time, when more talented, eloquent and versatile boys were getting all the attention.

The time when I for the first time closely got to know him was in Primary 4, and it was all but pleasant experience. By some sort of "luck", we attended the same writing tuition in the same education centre. We both took other lessons in the centre. He was artistic and played the accordion well. I was far from artistic but took the electronic piano course nevertheless. Then it came to writing tuition. We became adversaries soon after a few lessons simply because I did not like the shape of his face, which was a bit gourd-like and displayed an amazing resemblance with the Chinese character, "wind" (“风”）. That was a strange shape which I called "feng face".

Since then, the battle started. When my composition was praised in the class, he would give that kind of "constipated look" and stuck out his tongue to make a grimace meant to be annoying, yet ended up being amusing. When his writing was read out as the exemplary piece, I just did the same, changing the tongue part into a derisive pout. Sometimes my sister joined the battle, too. For example, one winter day, we managed to triumph over him and his gang in the snowball fighting; a narrow victory, but an appaudable one.

His fame began to rise in Primary 5 and reached a climax in Primary 6, for the reasons unbeknownst to me. He lived in the residential area of a "Police Officer Educational School";my house was just next to his with a solid wall apart, since I lived in the residential area of a "Political Laws and Management School" just adjacent to his. The funny thing was, he became the "King of the child" in his area and had many followers, predominantly girls. He could sing and dance exceptionally well, true, but except that, I could find no other commendable areas other than his neat, elegant handwriting. He is poetic, true, with a bit, no, a lot of narcissism, but that did seem to inspire me why some girls would like to stalk him in P.E. lessons, and flush=.= He was flamboyant to the point of clumsy, I have to say, especially when he performed the "superman dance" with Jay Chou's "Half Beast"（半兽人） in our last music lesson and in a moment of fancy and clumsiness, fell and ripped open his superman cloak.

He had an English name, Roy, and a dog with an English name, David. This may shed light on his grasp of English, which was quite good but not as good as me, except in oral----he was yet another rhetoric speaker. That might account to why many girls were infatuated with him: his honey words. That was just a speculation, though, since I knew by instinction that he was quite upright. Back to the dog. David was a typical Peking dog with a lovely and furry face and a waving tail. It was exuberant for the most of the time and not in the slightest feared to meet new people, including me. His previous dog was put to painless death after an indigestion accident. Roy cried for many days for this. That was one of the moments that I found him not quite like a "monster", which was in the first place, an epitaph only.

When the graduation was coming, I could not remember very clearly those anecdotes because another "monster", Double Swe, urged me on getting into the foreign language middle school, a local elite school. I finally got the chance with a top score in the diagnostic examination and secured a place in the school with an insecure mark just above the cut-off point. However, not as fortunate as me, Double Swe did make it in the diagnostic exam due a passage written in the wrong tense. Golden monster, on the other hand, appeared quite off-word with all the fad of getting into the top school, but he had his own ambitions, which I only knew of later, maybe too late.

After graduation, I only met my primary school friends once in a free-ice-cream-provided cafe. "Golden Monster" and "Double Swe" were both in the gathering, appearing with quite fashionable clothes that were so different from my school's dressing style. They looked older than me, for sure, though in fact both were supposed to call me "Big Sis".

After the gathering, our connection was broken as I moved houses several times and changed my phone numbers along the way. It was not until I graduated from the foreign language school that I began to seek my long-detached friends.

At present, my friends are faring well on their journeys of learning. Double Swe get into an elite senior high school with a high score in the admission exam while another friend, GY, will possibly get into a good university by DSA with his mathematical prowess.

Golden Monster, of course, find his own way. After one year of junior middle school study, he moved to Shanghai with his family to get a better chance in university admission. When we talked on the phone three years ago, he challenged me on the spelling of "individual", which greatly bemused me. Our voices all had never changed. That is the magical part about it, no matter how old we grow.

When I come back this December, I will have already reached the "legal adult age" in China, so will they. What will become of us then, when all of us scattered in the different parts of the world reunite? Poking fun at each other? A possible occurence.

And just think about it that I dedicated one whole post to the honorary "Golden Monster", my childhood "arch foe"...

Reading Note: An Inspiring View on Winner and Loser

2009-06-23T20:43:00.009+08:00

Each human being is born as something unique, something that never existed before. Each person is born with what he needs to win at life. A normal person can see, hear, touch, taste, and think for himself. Each has his own unique potentials----his capabilities and limitations. Each can be an important, thinking, aware, and creatively productive person in his own right---a winner.

(Maybe the most difficult task in one's life is to find that "unique potential" and stretch it with passion. )

The words “winner” and “loser” have many meanings. When we refer to a person as a winner, we do not mean one who defeats the other person by dominating and making him lose. Instead a winner is one who responds genuinely by being trustworthy and responsive, both as an individual and as a member of a society. A loser is one who fails to respond genuinely.

(It is an unconventional definition for both... Can genuineness be trained, cultured, or moulded through education?)

Few people are winners or losers all the time. It’s a matter of degree. However, once a person has the capacity to be a winner, his chances are greater for becoming even more so.

Achievement is not the most important thing for winners; genuineness is. The genuine person realizes his own uniqueness and appreciates the uniqueness of others.

A winner is not afraid to do his own thinking and to use his own knowledge. He can separate facts from opinion and doesn’t pretend to have all the answers. He listens to others, evaluates what they say, but comes to his own conclusions.

(Sadly, a normal person's conclusion is inevitably influenced by the mass, put in a premeditated mould, and shaped like what the mass perceive as the "wise choice".)

A winner is flexible. He does not have to respond in known, rigid ways. He can change his plans when the situation calls for it. A winner has a love for life:). He enjoys work, play, food, other people, and the world of nature. Without guilt he enjoys his own accomplishments. Without envy he enjoys the accomplishments of others.

A winner cares about the world and its people. He is not separated from the general problems of society. He tries to improve the quality of life. Even in the face of national and international difficulty, he does not see himself as helpless. He does what he can to make the world a better place.

(It demands vision and courage to do these, which are what distinguish real winners from the others, who are usually daunted by the "great mission" or, just abandon it for convenience's sake.)

Although people are born to win, they are also born totally dependent on their environment. Winners successfully make the change from dependence to independence, losers do not.

Somewhere along the line losers begin to avoid becoming independent. This usually begins in childhood. Poor nutrition, cruelty, unhappy relationships, disease, continuing disappointments, and inadequate physical care are among the many experiences that contribute to making people losers.

A loser is held back by his low capacity to appropriately express himself through a full range of possible behavior. He may be unaware of other choices for his life if the path he chooses goes nowhere. He is afraid to try new things. He repeats not only his own mistakes and often repeats those of his family and culture.

A loser has difficulty giving and receiving love. He does not enter into close, honest, direct relationships with others. Instead, he tries to manipulate them into living up to his expectations and channels his energies into living up to their expectations.

(Hmm, a real challenge in modern world as social network is getting more and more complicated. It is the ultimate difficulty when the world is made up of people running on different tracks, to better and to worse...hard to monitor...but maybe that's why we need the inspiration to transform, bit by bit.)

Sir Bertrand Russell's Ten Commandments

2009-06-23T20:14:00.003+08:00

1. Do not feel absolutely certain of anything.

2. Do not think it worthwhile to produce belief by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light.

3. Never try to discourage thinking, for you are sure to succeed.

4. When you meet with opposition, even if it is from your family, endeavour to overcome it with argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.

5. Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found.

6. Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do, the opinions will suppress you.

7. Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.

8. Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent than in passive agreement, for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter.

9. Be scrupulously truthful even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.

10. Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool’s paradise, for only a fool will think that is happiness.

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In retrospect, I am far below the standard mentioned aforehand as a critical thinker. It is time to desert all those illusions and live for a tangible aim. A fool's paradise should be averted, and I must not mince my words to stay unwavered by temptations around me, for the truth is----one needs to confront and conquer one's weakness, which is the process of METAMOPHOSIS, or as it is called by most people, "tranformation".

Fathers' Day "Beach Walk"

2009-06-21T17:43:00.010+08:00

It is one of the typical Sunday afternoons that drives me sleepy; yet there is special programme going on. It was really a nice afternoon spent at Paya Lebar, then East Coast Park with sis, Wendy and Dr. Foo. The calendar tells me it is Fathers' Day, but it seems that today it is Daughters' Day, since we are treated so well:) The weather was fine, extremely suitable for a walk with only wisps of clouds in the sky, so we wandered in the East Coast Park after a rich meal at Paya Lebar, sipping grass jelly and eating coconut meat while talking from "211" to "Wen Jiabao".

We four are the most interesting gang----straight, passionate, flexible and FUN. There are almost no secrets between us, and our jokes are never "cold". This rapport draws us together so naturally that our conversation is always dotted with tidbits of joy and humour that keep us laughing at heart.

There were so many people on the beach, camping, cycling or building sand castles. We were the random roamers. Wendy is forever energetic and fun-loving. Dr. Foo is an expert raconteur, rhetoric, observant and versatile----most importantly, objectively subjective. Sis is easy-going, friendly to everybody, laughing at every joke. I am, you know... a composite of rationalist and daredevil who makes a superb partner to share fun with:P

The sand kept running into our shoes so later we walked barefoot. What a comical scene to see the three of us tiptoeing on the scalding sand, holding three pairs of interesting-looking shoes! Beside us, the "Adidas King" kept shouting "watch out for the glass", and we all laughed our heart out.

Last but not least, we packed Nyonya snacks home. The little cake made me reminisce of Chinese cake houses, and my sis and I devoured the whole package within five minutes~By the way, the aroma of the salt-baked chicken really made us drool, but only the scent itself was enough to make me full:)

Miss Easy-going, Adidas King and Miss Mixture!

"Post-90 Generation" TRIO~

The amazing sand castle unfazed by the wind, rain, and, if there is any, snow. (not built by us)

Breathe in the sea air, and SMILE:D

Hope Ahead

2009-06-19T21:15:00.008+08:00

O level is ruling...
and it desires to be the sole ruler....
so I shall let it be...
at least for now...

Finally I realize that time is the real master of the whole world. It never stops running, keeping our mind, heart and actions revolving around it. It is both a gift and a privilege----a treasure when it is wisely spent and a waste when it is left to slip away. More than once, the revelation that time is "out of stock" strikes me as a ultimatum, blasting me into awareness that it is not yet late to "make a change"----many people can do it; many people have done it; and many people are still doing it. Why can't I be one of them, or joining them as one of the warriors who fight and survive the strike?

Multi-tasking is my prowess, yet it is failing me recently. A good juggler is not naturally born to do wonders, and my stunts are now becoming parodies. I try as usual to divide my attention to several different areas only to find that they are all severed and detached, no longer intact as before. So I collect those pieces and sew them together. It feels better then, though at the cost of my efficiency. The unfathomable natures of quantity and quality make them look like the antipodes of the same magnet, always attracting each other yet will never meet. When trying to strike a balance by hitting the midpoint, you find the middle part of the magnet the least magnetised... You are trapped at the bottleneck, like everyone else.

Like me.

Two days more and I will zero in on my homework, a daunting, gruelling yet practically achievable task. These two days are my last chance in this holiday to amend my loopholes. After this, hopefully all my dormant energy will be exerted on those "yet to be chartered territories".

I'm intrepid in the face of challenges, so there is always hope ahead hidden in the darkest, coldest and even the most inhospitable corner, buried deep inside, waiting to be exhumed.

I shall let it see the sunlight.

Swim against the Tide

2009-06-15T18:32:00.004+08:00

There are only two weeks left for my holiday. Recently I have experienced too much, and really realise that everyone of us needs to decide upon our preferences. There are just so many choices around us, and we are spolt for choice. A holiday with its end looming can be really threatening, though during which I also seek solace and peace in mind. A holiday indeed slows one's life pace and moulds a person, if not allows for self-indulgence.

During the left days of my holiday, I will have to make a diagnosis on my current weaknesses and really persevere to conquer them one by one. There is really very little time left, and it is a one-directional way----there is no turning back, neither is there room for remorse.

Learning to choose one's preferences is really life a complicated math problem, and I hope I have got the right answer~

I will swim forever in this expansive sea that I see no ends. I believe that one day, sooner or later, I will reach my shore, see my lighthouse, sail on my boat, and enjoy every bit of the sea life.

Jia you! Let's swim together:D

Good Days

2009-06-12T18:48:00.006+08:00

Many good things happened in these good days.

First of all, I want to congratulate myself on finishing so many novels:) In the past few weeks, I just had the impression that I was all eased up and relaxed, without doing anything in particular. But a recalling of the books I have read really astounded me. It was quite an anticipated yet unrealised shock. Due to the MYEs, I had to break off in my reading of John Nash's biography "A Beautiful Mind"(also a motion picture directed by the same director of "Angels and Demons"). However, the broken chain was relinked soon after MYE and I managed to finish other books like "The Appeal", "The Curious Incidents of A Dog at Nighttime", "The Alchemist", "A Christmas Carol", and now I am reading two of my favourite pieces: Sebastien Japricot's "A Very Long Engagement" and Amy Tan's "Kitchen God's Wife".

Basically these books are used to serve different purposes. Serious pieces like biography, novels on justice, spiritual purification, war and family are to be perused carefully and thought hard on; while leisure pieces like mysteries, thrillers and abridged/illustrated versions of classics are to
be scanned through. These reading periods are really the best moments in a day. Though I often felt extremely sleepy in the morning when reading story books, now I really cherish those times when I could read, carefree. Now, I still have other books on shelves to read, like "Neither Here nor There", "The Lovely Bones", Roald Dahl's short story collection "Omnibus", "The Day after Tomorrow" etc. I also want to reread Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights" and "Harry Potter 6"
since the movie will be coming soon, and Nora Roberts' a few books. Maybe I just do not have much time left to read, since I cannot totally ignore my tons of homework, especially science and humanities papers----I just cannot squeeze them all into the last week and sweep through them like a panda-eyed, dreamy-looked Superwoman. Moreover, I am still waiting for my ulcers to fully recover so I can pracitise my oral soon.

Another good thing that has been happening only recently is that I have rekindled my writing habits:) Due to the MYE----seems that it was the end of all good things----my writing portfolio was stagnant for almost one whole month! These two days, since I have no "outing obligations", I am able to find time to write something:) What a relief to see that my portfolio will be "fattening"
soon! Many good stories have been compiled, which make me feel really good.

The final "good thing" we can all take with a grain of salt: I manage to read some chapters in science textbooks. This is, of course, another self-imposed task that helps nothing in my tons of homework. I only hope that it will adapt me better in the upcoming semester.

By now, good things can continue to happen till the last week of June Holiday looms----by then I will be struck by all those unfulfilled homework. Hopefully I will exert myself to at least cover all the challenging topics.

Hmm, I shall cherish and enjoy these few good days, in case they ellapse too soon.

When we two Parted

2009-06-12T02:00:00.004+08:00

George Gordon Byron

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this!

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o’er me--
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee
Who knew thee too well:
long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met--
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After living year,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

They parted in the cold rain,
tears sluicing down,
flanking their cheeks.
She told a lie,
He took it for real--
it took all the anguish to get over,
all the sufferings to,
retrieve the old love.
He hurled her love away,
discarding it as if--
he didn't mind it anymore.

Yet he was betraying his heart.
So did she.
The stalemate stood,
unbroken,
until the muse blew upon them,
Inspiration, and,
Courage,
that they faced the truth,
that the knot was unknotted.

Cluster Outing

2009-06-10T21:32:00.008+08:00

Incontestable Cluster 5B!

Becky's shirt, Oh My God has the symbol of Illuminati!

It has been a tired day-out, with the most enjoyable episode today being the movie "Angels and Demons" at Vivo. It was released last month, yet only recently we could have time to watch it. Just the movie reviews published online were enough to whet my appetite. Adapted from Dan Brown's novel, "Angels and Demons" is yet another majestic work on mystery and religion, recalling the ancient time when different religious clans fought and sought retribution. This movie is not that simple, though.

Setting in the modern era, the beginning was spectacular with the formation of antimatter and the murder of Sylvano, Vetra's colleague who worked for Collider. The underground secret society Illuminati threatened to be "alive" and "in action" to avenge the past brutal actions of Catholic Church in Vatican. A video and a graphical sign of Illuminati were sent by the kidnapper, declaring the imminent deaths of the four candidates (Red Cardinals), who were supposed to succeed the late Pope. Dr. Langdon, the renowned symbolist was summoned to solve the puzzle and save the city. A breathtaking pursue mingled with faith, betrayal, hatred, suspicion and death began, with the Camerlengo and Commander Ritcher of Swiss Guard "assisted" them.

Since I only read the synopsis of the film before, which mercifully concealed the exact ending of the story, I was quite amazed at the final twist featuring the "great hero"----the presumably bright, virtuous and faithful Carmerlengo. The double-climax worked, but with a little fault since it did not reveal more about the motive of "the Demon".

With quite mixed feelings after the movie, we went dining in Vivo. Our boarding assistant, three Thai girls and two of us went to eat Sushi Tei; the rest of just had some noddles and rice, since we were not actually very hungry. After eating, Lisa and Candy went to Mini Toons to buy sweets. I was so dramatic in the shop, taking the orange flavoured, strawberry flavoured, raspberry flavoured, teeth-gum-shaped, cola-bottle-shaped and kiss-shaped candies and some mashmallows in a bag, then suddenly fell for the delicate phone accessories and decided not to buy those fattening "teeth gums", "cola bottles" and "kisses". What a job I had to do to put back all those candies in the boxes! Thankfully I got my four-leaved clover and the zodiac strap:D

We took No.188 home. I was with Nana and Becky in the end while the rest took the MRT. Becky was very charismatic, she made a superb racontour by telling us the synopsis of "Bella and Edward" series from "Twilight" to "Breaking Down"----Nana and I were completely entranced:P Even now I was amazed that anyone actually paid attention to the road signs that we did not over-sit for our stop.

A great outing today, but I cannot always be pampered like this, so I wish for some harshness in the next few weeks:P

When Joy becomes a Burden

2009-06-09T00:22:00.014+08:00

Last week went past like a burning fire, so fast that when I looked again at my calendar, I was shocked to a certain degree. One is easy to be burdened with emptiness when one looks at his or her calendar, as if life has been wheeling away without any work being done. Every day has passed so painstakingly. Is it just an illusion? I hope so. Otherwise I cannot conjure up how to expound that busy and tired days can end up in emptiness.

For most of the last week, I was on appointments, here, there and everywhere. Outings are so pampering and torturing at the same time. I tried to savour the joy yet tasted only burden. Is it that I do not know how to cherish joy? Not really. Maybe it is habitual of highly realistic people to prioritise what they should prioritise and place "joy" at second fiddle when time is wheeling out. Fortunately and unfortunately, I am highly realistic. Thus pampering can become sort of torture.

Presently I am taking too many committments: writing the report for NHBT, searching information on the forum, composing and editting correspondent editorial, being the chief editor of a book by 402, 406 and 411, attending Maths remedials, and intensive English remedials. These official obligations are dotted with cluster outing, church services, reception of parents from China, training camp, birthday celebrations, class outing and a few farewell parties. I like all these----when I am in any of the events, but when the multitude begins to thin, when another day breaks, when piles of homework lies haphazardly on my desk, undone, I cannot curb the silent panic within.

I do not dread homework. Year in year out, homework no longer dominates my study life. Assignment does. I used to delight in getting the "instant shock" when I pack my bag and suddenly find out a piece of homework undone. My mum never spared me a frowning look when that happened, which I took, god forbidden, as a bemused grimace. Now she is not here to monitor me, but the "instant shock"never ends. Sometimes in the phone, I would tell her lightheartedly that tomorrow we have to hand in a report and I have not yet laid my hands on it. She always threatens to hang up, but never really does. She knows me well----if a piece of homework worths doing, I will definitely put in all my efforts to finish it; if it is not necessary or to my priority, I postpone it with reason. This, of course, is very arbitrary, but thank goodness I never let it slip through as an excuse of procrastinating.

My holidays are numbered, and I feel burdened and empty at the same time. I haven't wasted my time though----every day has been so exhaustedly spent that the moment I touch bed, I snore. I look back at my days and see that though it seems that I have done nothing much, my achievements are indeed creditable. I put my priority right, I am working bearing in mind my weaknesses and the "Rule of the Lowest Panel in a Wooden Pail". I am indeed making a dash, though in a rather relaxed way.

Three week more and a new term shall begin. What will it be like to walk towards the Closure Day? To wave goodbye those good, fond days in Nan Hua? To face yet another graduation with both anticipation and a sense of----pity.

I am not green in that...I am used to walking out of a school, a graduated student. I need to use the time left to make sure that, the next time I walk out of a school, I must be happy and content with what I have achieved, without pity or regret.

It is a noble aim~~maybe not an easy one after all.

VJ Nite @ Esplanade

2009-06-06T23:08:00.005+08:00

In the belly of the "Durian" with Dr. Foo:D

The grand Esplanade theater!!!

The Ring 1 we sat in.

VJ Choir!!!

It was such an overwhelming night at Esplanade theatre, I was swept off my feet!
Victorians' well-acclaimed performance really aroused our respect and admiration for the school. Tonight, we saw a dynamic Victoria, a brooding site of future dream-pursuers.

It made you have an imperial feeling when sitting in that grand theatre with acoustic ceilings and sound-proof curtains. The dome-shaped ceiling and the gigantic chandeliar added to the great effect. It was in there where only internationally recognised actors and actresses could display their talents, hundreds of Victorians including the principal Mr Chan put up a wonderful performance with a combination of choir, symphony band, dance, drama, singing, and even magic shows! Some of the performers including emcees were ex-Victorians. On them, I see a rising generation of youth, full of dreams and vibrance. I am proud of them.

The most anticipated show was the song by VJ Choir, ranking No.7 in the world and consisting of a group of highly-talented, united and versatile youths. Following the Choir, VJ Band brought the night into its prime. Throughout the performance, VJ Band perfectly showed its breathtaking skills at playing all kinds of tunes. It actually contributed to almost all the accompaniments of the night's shows. There were quite a few highlights in the whole performance. The singing by the VJ alumini, 2006 Singapore Idol 2nd runner-up Jasmine Tye, the Piano Ensemble by four pianist, the Chinese song "Choice" by PVJ Mr Chan, the dance that had won the champion in Bacelona, the magic show by Magic Babe Ning and Wushu!

"Stunning" is the word~

However, my favourite pieces are not in the list. What drew my breath away were THE FOUR STRINGS OF CHANGE and THE GUITAR TRIO. In the "four strings of change", the composer atcually goes out of his way to combine chinese traditional instruments Gao Hu and Er Hu with western instruments Violin and Cello! The melodious tune really led me into another world. The joy was so great yet so ethereal. As for the "Guitar Trio", no matter it was classic guitar, electric guitar or bass, all the guitarist were doing a superb job. If only I can listen to that again.

Ok, the duty officer is driving us away, details next time.

Influx

2009-06-06T12:42:00.006+08:00

Victoria's and Maggie's mums arrived yesterday, which was an impressive influx with bags and bags of "supplement". It accentuated the fact that when parents meet children miles away, it is inevitable for them to fall prey to "insanity". There is, to be fair, nothing negative about it at all. I remember when last June holiday my parents visited, they were "as good as gold"! I could have any temper or play any tantrums or play any jokes on them and they literally appreciated it. A pair of flip-flops, clothes hangers, sprinkled plums, crackers, the foul smell of durian...anything could possibly spark off an incendiary discussion.

Thinking back, I am still quite awed by my father's forever "cool and steady" style. Being a lawyer, he could always master his emotions well and "think logically". When my sister and I were tossling them all around the island, confounding them with floods of information, straining every ounce of energy to divert their attention from asking about my studies----which I knew well would not disappoint them yet just wanted to keep their minds clear----my father still preferred to stay in my dorm and flip through my homework, worksheet, report slip, etc. Even when Mum was being dragged by us into the "Malay Village", he would rather sit outside and "analyse"----a life dealing with plaintiffs and defendants, judges and juries can indeed be scary.

This time, since Vic's and Mag's parents are more emotional sort, I am slightly emotionally affected by them. If my parents were letting their love flow over me, their parents were letting the whole lot of lovey-dovey emotions pour over them. Though I am quite an emotional sort, I secrectly appreciate the more reserved way----good for heart.

Of course, I got my own goodie bags. Haha, full of my Sunday-to-Monday bests(not really, exaggerated). Vic's mum is really loving. She brought Vic a horse that could fall on his own whe you press a button beneath the base. Maggie's mum is even more overwhelming. She brought all the way from China Mag's favourite novels, dolls, accessories, clothes for sure, and FAMILY PHOTOS including a tree outside her room. I was indeed swept over my feet!

Last night I talked with my mum on phone from 11:00p.m. to 2:41a.m. There is always a magic in her that can bring out everything in me, even those I do not want to relate to. There is always such chemistry between us that no matter how reserved or restrained I am on certain topics, she is able to bore it out and eventually, SHE KNOWS ALMOST EVERYTHING!(indeed, dudes)

And all I need from her at the end of each phone call is a simple "Jia You". Remote controlling is not easy as I see it, she and dad have done a wonderful job. So I just want them to say,"Jia you!"

That's enough:)

Montage

2009-06-03T22:13:00.004+08:00

Why are there windows in the lift lobby? I do not understand.
They want to block out the wind, the rain drops, and maybe inadvertently block out the sunny mood.
They want to prevent falling over the rail, dropping off the high-rise, and maybe by the way curbing the "free fall of waste".
They want to shut out the noise, the singing at night, and maybe the humming of the "Eldoweiss" by some shower-room guys.
I do not understand.
I just cannot put my arms on the rails anymore, a habitual movement of mine while waiting for the lift to rise or plunge.

The mini-garden in front of the hostel canteen is eye-catching.
I walk past it every day in the morning. It piques my appetite for breakfast.
"It's such a fortune to live here." My words never change.
So does the garden with her overflowing greenness and the buzzing of the morning bees.
" Walk faster, watch out for the bees."
I whisk past the mini-garden and hide the bun under my sleeve.

Casserole for refreshment, not a too-bad choice.
My sister avoids that stubbornly.
Too oily.
I don't like its taste mixing with the flavour of my toothpaste.
Mint and slaky flour.
What a combination.
So I avoid it, too.

Campus is too quiet in the holidays.
Is it still alive?
"I see green...I, see, yellow, I see black and I see brown." I sang this when I learnt about colours.
"I see teachers...I, see, pupil, I see you and I will smile." I hummed this when I saw people.
But where are the souls?
No dread though. It will abuzz with life 25 days later.
......
Who comes out with that countdown to "the new term".
"MACHINE~"
"Oooo."

Distilled water is 100% safe.
No ions. No salts. No flavour.
Why is Singapore so fond of it?
Anyone who reads Chemistry carefully tends to ask the question.
It is easy to produce. My answer.
Ultrafiltration and reverse osmosis. Standard procedures.
You can use it to wash wounds, too.

"Trophy" is the buzzword in the world of wealth.
Not as the "main course", but as an accessory.
It means "skinny beauty".
The fact is that every billionnaire cannot live without a trophy in his house.
No as the mistress, but as a playmate.
This is what fiction says, especially modern classic.
I genuinely hope it is not true.

When the air-con is on, I feel so "freezed" so I bring along a coat.
Dark turquoise makes me feel warmer, as it is the colour of the sea algae.
It is the colour of the Russian forests, too.
So I say,"I bring along a 'Russia'."
Then I feel "warmed".
When the air-con is off, like now, I feel "heated".
No perspiration, though. Just stuffy.
But why? In China I feel "roasted" in summer.
Even the willow-mat can scald me and I have to turn around every ten minutes to prevent being "cooked".
That is, to be cooked on the other side...

My mail-box is inevitably full.
There are no junk mails, but too many to be tended to.
So I let it run wild.
Sometimes I will trim it, that is, when I label all the "unbrowsed" as "browsed".
Not an effective method, but an efficient one indeed.
But I know what they need is a reply~
So I give a long-distance call.

Adults and adults-in-formation hate "baby font".
That is why we generally stick to Times New Roman in documents or Arial in blogging.
I like notes in baby font...
They keep me reading.
And they expose a young heart.

Fold a Heart----a translation of my teacher's work

2009-06-03T21:19:00.010+08:00

Gently, I pick up a bus ticket from the floor, and fold it into a heart.

Saturday afternoon.
6:25p.m. Bus.75 always arrives at this juncture.
My Stop is ten stops away from Her Stop. To begin with, the time was just enough for me to fold a heart with the ticket. Now, I am getting the hang of it and can finish the heart within a few stops.
That's just fine----enough time left for me to rehearse what I'm going to say to her, or to think of a good place to eat.
She doesn't like making decisions, yet also dislikes my indecisiveness.
While I'm thinking like this, the bus stops at Her Stop.

She's never late, always standing under that lamppost beside the busstop, waiting.
Her white pullover is tinted milkish-yellow under the light shining from the road lamp. What grace!
She wants to walk in the sea wind, but cannot stand the coldness, so she wears the pullover every time. It's delightfully soft.

On the bus, she leans against me, head on my shoulder, confiding in me all the pressure and headache from work.
"Why not just quit it? Save time, less trouble." I always ask her.
I'm like this, trying to comfort her every time, then holding out the folded heart and sent it to her.
She's always saying that she likes the job too much, just like her liking the heart I sent her.

Dinners always proceed in peace; after the meal, we always hold our unfinished drinks, walking on the beach.
We expose our hearts to the sea.

Our feelings are witnessed by the sea waves; and the sea wind is forever refreshing.
Though we loathe parting, we always sort out our emotions carefully, just before the arrival of the last bus.
I accompany her home. It's five stops away.
My heart is unfinished----send her next time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bus.75 is arriving. But it's just 6:20p.m.
I take out my Ezlink Card, yet accidentally, an unfolded ticket drop out of my wallet and fall onto the floor. I only notice it when I unintentionally step on it...
Still waiting for the bus driver to issue a ticket as usual when it suddenly dawned on me that now we all use Ezlink Card. No more tickets.
I sit there, glancing at the the unlit lampposts passing through the window, bored.
No more ticket. No more comfortable.
I pick up a ticket from the floor and fold it into a heart.
I lift my hand and hold it out of the window...then I open my palm.

Originated from B.N.

First published in Hwa Rhythm 22nd, 1997.

To Sprinkled Vegie

2009-06-02T21:39:00.006+08:00

Dear Sprinkled Vegie,

It is so nice to meet you again today. After more than two months, we finally see you at the familiar place.
Though we never lose touch, it is so refreshing to see you in person. Sure, I will work hard, and thank you for helping me achieve me goal----what you put as providing "psychological support"----I really wish to get into your school:P

True, we can only meet once in two months. Yet it will not be long, right? If I work hard enough, in the next year we can meet almost every day:) Life in Junior College is getting harder and harder now, so I really need to cherish my Sec4 life. Great to see that you are still so energetic and full of joy. The Sprinkled Vegie I know never fails to bring sunshine to our life.

It is not early. I still have to carry on reading. Procrastination is really not a good habit. Thank you for all the care you have given me, for the encouragement, and for the sunshine. Take care, too.

Love,

Sprinkled Ling Zhi

Goodbye

2009-05-31T20:05:00.003+08:00

"If something you treasure so much, you should fight for it."

June is yet to come, but I am expecting December. I will leave, leaving off so many things behind. This June Holiday is crucial for my December. Maybe this can be kind of motivation. I must make good use of it:)

These days, more and more things happened. I never feel more like a wild plant, surviving in a harsh yet breautiful environment. To be really tough, I really have to grow up. Why torture or debase myself?:)

From now on, I am going to work hard:):):)

There are some things to be remembered. I put them down here, but they are already in my heart:)

#1: Work hard and concentrate.
#2: Visualise your December every night before you sleep.
#3: Have faith in what you live for. It is beautiful~
#4: Don't deceive yourself.
#5: Emotions cannot be forced.
#6: Increase the frequency yet keep the amplitude low.
#7: Love life. It is so pleasant.
#8: Treasure what you have and treat what you can never have with a laugh.
#9: Wait.
#10: Knock the door at the right moment. It will open for you.

I 've got to work really hard now.

December...December...

I am coming.

Lian Yie

Lele

2009-05-29T17:39:00.009+08:00

What are you doing to my plant?>;(

I feel so sad for the coconut. How you broke her heart by ignoring her...

You look absent-minded. Do you miss your mother? Are you crying?

Under much of my nagging, my mum finally sent me the photos of Lele, the two-month-old baby dog. She looks old for her age, though. See, she can even challenge the coconut! What boldness!

We used to have a male dog also named as Lele. That time I was still around to "manage the household". Now I am not around anymore, but I believe the house is more peaceful without me, though it maybe a bit dull. The only way of "remote control" is through e-mail, which is for the most of the time one-directional: from my mum&dad to me.

Why do we have a female dog this time? The reason is very simple. Last time we experienced a grueling period when the male Lele was in rut. Even my dad had to tighten the leash when a female dog came into Lele's vision. For a liberal spirit like him who preferred walking dog off-leash, it was a gut-running horror----for me, my sister, and my most responsible mum who adamantly denounces promiscuity(am I making it too serious?). That was also the first time I got to know that desire of an animal was practically and biologically unquenchable.

Another reason why my mum used to grouse a lot was on dog food. Male Lele used to be very open-minded when it came to food: bun, bread, hot dog, and sometimes pork chop----you threw it, he ate it. After a while, he became fickle and pickish----only hot dog could make him move his butt. If you as usual threw a bun, he would straighten up his neck and sniff it, then lower his "dog-head" down again. There was another problem on hot dog that irked my mum. My sister and I were always the competitors for food with Lele when it came to hot dog. Last time the hot dog was in vacuum package. During a nap we would sneak out of the bedroom and snatch one or two hot dogs from the kitchen shelves. The number of packaged hot dog was decimated ever since, which attracted my mum's attention. The solution of the "filching problem" was disturbing: no more hot dogs in my house. What about Lele then? The pickish Lele!

Another headache for dog-lovers is toilet-training. You need to have patience to repeat over and over again to correct what has been wrongly done. You also have to bear with the foul smell when something goes awry. Moreover, in the beginning you have to demonstrate: lead the dog to the toilet, point at the mini-toilet bowl, and "peel banana", "sit on your knees"----the demonstration was done. Even this could not make sure he would remember, so every time you go to the toilet, you have to beckon your pet to go with you and "see":<

However, everything was difficult before it became easy. See, though my mum used to have so many complaints about dogs in general which greatly ached my ears, she is now always talking about Lele(female) when she's on the phone with me.

And I always say in the end:" Hand the speaker to Lele. I have a few words with her."

The next moment I would hiss in the speaker:" Lele! Bite my mum! Now!"

Of course she never obeys...

Filming+PTC+Eat with the family Day

2009-05-29T11:52:00.003+08:00

It has been such a tired morning, but it was really fun!
Filming started at 8:30. Everyone was nervous at the beginning. We stuttered a lot and sometimes swallowed our words. Being a director was not easy. Choosing the scenes, organising actors/actress, noting the light intensity, balancing the schedules. The morning was really running very tight. Thanks to the good cooperation I finished my job by 11:3o. I cannot be an actress----once being in the film for so long, I lose my footing in reality.

PTC was running quite smoothly. Mr Tan had a lot of work to do, so I was not there to disturb him. From Sec1 to Sec4 every student was so nervous with their parents, as if it was the first time they had ever walked with them. I did not get back my report book, since I had already known my results. (For the faint-hearted please navigate away)This Mid-year was quite a breakthrough for me: I got my first A1 for English. It was pure luck, since I happened to be interested in American politics and read quite a lot on Obama, which came out in comprehension paper. There was regret, too, for my combined humanities. I did not do well for Social Studies. Mrs Sabar's comment was touching. She really knows me, against all odds:)

This afternoon I will patronise the JE Library. It will be a great time ahead. In the evening, I will dine with my "family". Yurou and Mary are also going with us:D

One great news: WJ has passed his driving test! Remeber him?

Oh, by the way. Jason W is taking the four-o-clock flight back to China. I will miss him.

P.S. I am reading "The Appeal" now. A superb work on trial and justice.

I am...

2009-05-28T23:13:00.002+08:00

Today is Dragon Boat Festival, but I didn't have time to eat Zongzi.
Our supper is glutinous dumplings, I talked over the phone for too long and missed the meal.
It was after roll-call time, the security guard and the duty person were driving me out of the computer room, yet after seeing my morose face, they gave me an extra half-hour.
If you are unhappy, can you keep pretending?

Negative thoughts are dangerous. They do not suit me.
"They are unhealthy. Keep away from them."my mum always says.
"Do you know a person who is super narcissistic can be at the same time super self-deprecating?"I asked her.
She said it was not necessary.
But whoever knows it may be true.
At least for once.
And I hit the "jackpot"?

"Don't use expletives, it is not good."my deskmate told me.
"Do you think I want to?" I queried her.
Tolerance is key. I used to motivate myself like this.
But whoever knows? It may be the poison you are using to numb your freezing senses.
At least for once?
And I hit the "jackpot".

I like busy days.
They keep me busy that my brain cannot function otherwise.
So I fend off all the nonsense, which I label as "self-judgement" and "mature thoughts".
I dread leisure time.
When you are numbed in superficial bliss you are hurt by tugging pain.
When you close your eyes and you see the scenes.
You shout:"get out! Go to the dogs!"
Then you remember you are supposed to be tolerant.
Beyond any reasons.

Debate.
Translation.
Video filming and directing.
PTC.
Report.
Zi Gengdi.
English.
Soul.

"Why do you push yourself so hard?" a voice said.
"You are such a human dynamo." came another one.
"You know what you are living for."
"You are...for your age."

I'm....?
I know fully well~
There is no need for reminders.

Rain or sun, I shall keep living for the air.
My space..

Forever and Always

2009-05-28T18:57:00.010+08:00

Sec 4 seniors!

President and Vice-Ps:D

ALVIN (new President) and "the tigress"

Fag(Zi Jing) and "plus one"(Jia Yi).

Max(funny man) and Jocelyn~

Hooo. The last day for CCA. What a feeling!

"All is well that ends well" is the only sentence that I can describe my 1.5-year CCA journey. When I was a newbie in Estella Administration, the life was difficult. Language difficulty added with cultural difference topped by striving for acceptance and recognition, it was a hard journey initially to take on. All were poured upon me at the same time, when I was still a fledging and yet to harden my wings. Fortunately I have Ms Koh, a real friend beyond everything.

I could not remember all the strugglings before I became a member of EDC, nor could I remember the helpless first few months feeling like a grass in the wind without anything to cling on. When I began to have senses, I was already a part of the picture, in a place I was not familiar.

How it came to an end was all that matters. All is well that ends well. However, it will be forever a mystery to me why everything is not understood till the very end. May our graduation be the same? Or will the "end" never come? Or do I really care, that much, about what is actually fatalistic?

Until the very last day, we sat in the PizzaHut, you looked at me and I looked at you, you knew me and I knew you. But why didn't this come earlier?

It's just not the time yet...

Ok, I will wait, till I graduate, which will be in six months.

Sec4 fellow seniors, we eleven are linked together, willingly and unwillingly, knowingly and unknowingly, let's all hope each other a great venture ahead. Jocelyn, Vanessa, Zi Jing and Yoke Ting, hope to join you in the same Junior College:) Joey, may you find your passion and strive for it. I am waiting to see you shine:P

Sec1 juniors, you are the most hardworking batch of drama members. I really like you very much. Rebbeca, you sing very well. Min Han, keep striving and working hard for your goals. Carmel, you never fail to make us smile. From you guys, I see the future of Nan Hua.

Sarah, thanks for the photo and heartwarming messages. You are one of them who stand with me all along. I really appreciate it. Jocelyn and Michelle, thanks for the cute cards, too. You make very inspiring friends when I come to know it.

Oh, Sec3 juniors, thank you for the medal:) It's great to be remembered!

Sec2 juniors, haha, may you grow up soon:D

Actually, I cannot think of why you sing "Forever and Always" for us today. Anyway, I like it.

Thank you and good bye.

Sure I will miss you, against all odds:)

P.S. When I stepped out again today, you were not there anymore. Maybe we are the same, we are all the prisoners of TIME.

Forever & Always
Once upon a time
I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye
We caught onto something,
I hold on to the night
You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me
Were you just kidding
cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down we almost never speak
I don’t feel welcome anymore,
baby what happened please tell me
Cause one second it was perfect and now you’re half way out the door

[Chorus]And I stare at the phone and he still hasn’t called
And you feel so low you can’t feel nothin at all
And you flash back to when he said forever and always
Ohh ohhh
And it rains in your bedroom everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
Was I out of line
did I say something way too honest
That made you run and hide, like a scared little boy
I looked into your eyes;
thought I knew you for a minute now I’m not so sure
So here’s to everything
coming down to nothing
Here’s to silence, that cuts me to the core
Where is this going,
thought I knew for a minute but I don’t anymore

[Chorus]And I stare at the phone and he still hasn’t called
And you feel so low you can’t feel nothing at all
And you flash back to when he said forever and always

And it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always

You didn’t mean it baby.

Heal

2009-05-27T21:20:00.003+08:00

Alex can sing all Westlife's songs.
That was an amazing discovery for me today.

HEAL
(Nick Jarl/ Savan)
Even though you’re near me
I need you far away
To be an ocean
To build another wave

I’ll be broken and i know it
But i just can’t seem to find
Another way

Though you want to
Though you try to
You can’t stop the rain
For the first time
It’s not you
Who can heal me

I need some distance
To find another road
It’s not so easy
Sorrow’s such a heavy load

I’ll be broken and i’ll show it
But i’m gonna have to live
Without you here

Poets say as time decays
Broken souls will mend
But june will come around again
So my sorrow’s gonna end

But it’s not you
Who’ll heal me
But it’s not you
Heal me

Pieces

2009-05-26T19:41:00.005+08:00

1. We were dragging our feet towards Music A.
We were not to play the piano, but to practice oral(under my sister's coercion, of course).
"You know, you look like you are half-dead!"
That's my sister. She gave me a stern scowl.
"Wrong...I am fully dead."
"I spank you!"She feigned being enraged.
"Hmm...hmm." I noticed something yet remained silent.
"QUANGCHANG!"
That was my sister.
She bumped into a fire extinguisher.
I strolled along and spank her with my oral book.
"Spankable bottom..."I mumbled and made sure it was loudable enough to be heard.
The next moment.
We were dragging our feet towards Music A.
I was wearing that same dead expression.
My sister was waiting...for a chance to~

2. "Mdm Yong cooked curry chicken for us! It was all eaten up! You know, the bowl was this big! This big!"
That was my junior. He was geticulating on all fours.
I glanced at him and then around at other people dining in the canteen.
And I chose to focus on my beef, a wise move judging from the circumferences.
"You know? You know?"He was as loud as my dad~>:(
"Hmm, good...she must be very good at cooking~"
"How about you?"
"???"
"You don't know how to cook curry chicken?"He was genuinely appalled for no apparent reasons.
"@#$%^&!"
"Oh...I thought you know everything...so clever~"
Coldness...goose bumps...spasmatic muscular contractions...hairs stand-on-end.

3. I was eating an ice stick in the TV Room.
My sister was reading at a table near my sofa.
"What's that?"
"Ice stick~"I knew well how to arouse her appetite.
So I flashed the colourful package in front of her eyes, which were overflown with envy and unjustified anticipation.
"Can I have one?"
"One what?"
"One bite~"she stuck out a finger to indicate how small the bite would be.
"Nope..."
"ERRRMMM??"
"You know?"I was acting mysterious,"You will get swine flu...Mr Tan told us not to share food."
She squinted at me from the corner of her eyes to show her despise.
"Reasonable." I thought as I licked at the multi-coloured ice stick, enjoying every bite of the chill.

She was eying me...adamant and persistent.
"I will give you the last bite, ok?"I was overpowered by my commiseration.
Again...
She squined at me from the corner of her eyes to show her despise.
"Hmm, reasonable...reasonable."
I am a good person, but maybe not a good sister.

No. I am good~

A Better Place

2009-05-25T19:03:00.002+08:00

Ivy wants to go to a better place. She needs a pair of shoes. Once a fairy told her the most important things for a woman were a pair of shoes that could bring her to a better place. Ivy remembers. But she could not find what her heart desires.

Ivy climbs over a mountain and sees the sea on the other side. She says to herself," I wish to go to the sea."

Ivy goes for the sea yet is marooned on a desolate island. She is among different tribes and cannot decide which one to join, so she sets up the "I" tribe.

Ivy despairs over the "better place" but never forgets her old wishes. "I need another pair of shoes," she thinks.

Ivy is walking and every step is like walking on the knife tip. She looks up and sees the monkeys laughing. She looks down and sees her toes bleeding.

Ivy throws a stone at the monkeys. Then another. Then another...The monkeys keep laughing. She feels drained out.

An albatross flies over the island and drops a message in the bottle in the near sea.

"My letter!" Ivy cries," Finally it comes! Someone is saving me."

"You will get a pair of shoes," the note reads," but before that, you have to learn to walk on the knife." Ivy nodds. She is waiting for that day to come.

RE: Korean version V.S Taiwanese prototype

2009-05-24T19:08:00.000+08:00

If you step into the TV Room at some ungodly time you will go berserk.

Yesterday I happened to watch the blockbuster Korean version of "Meteor Garden" and had a heart attack. It is genuinely hurting to see the original Taiwanese version has been changed into such a "masterpiece" of superficiality. Admittedly, the scenes are more dazzling in the Korean version with all those sumptuous parties and breathtaking views, which are just traditional features of most Korean dramas to "nurture the eyes of the audience". If you watch the Taiwanese version and judge from the current standard of modernity, you will not find anything impressive. In fact, you might think the male protagonist's house like a hotel room "in construction" and his bathing robe as something your father also wears, let alone the outdated Nokia phones used by the main characters. However, if you really want to compare the two versions, the Taiwanese one definitely will win out.

As for the plot, the original one is very long and slow paced, which has the benefit to show the emotions and the "changes" of emotions in a very detailed and believable way. Yesterady when I watched how one scene jumped to another without any elaboration, I doubted the producer over-estimated the number of nodes of Ranviers in our nerve cells.

As for the acting, I quite approve of the Jin Sicao in the Korean version, though I am not sure she always grasps the real feelings of the female antagonist. Like in the party, when she was dancing with Zhi hou, she was superfluous with her joy and was beaming all the way! On the contrary, Xu Xiyuan reveals a more subtle and reticent character of oriental women, which makes her acting more natural and professional. As for the males, I admit all the four flowers in the Korean version are handsome, but once again, they are more suitable to be idols than actors. F4 in the Taiwanese version actually had never received any professional acting training when they were casted, yet their bearing and abilities to emphasize made them shine without borders.

Both versions have ample use of flashbacks and music. The images from the Korean version are definitely more beatific and more suitable to make into bedroom posters. However, since the emotions are not amply shown yet just flashing past, the impact of those scenes is greatly abated. To be honest, though the marine vessel in the Taiwanese version is so dilapidated and the dancing hall so perfunctorily furbished, I still like it for its genuineness. Moreover, I like the music in the Taiwanese Meteor Garden more!

As the Chinese saying goes," one is always most impressed with the first person he meets in a party". If you really like the Korean Meteor Garden, there is nothing to be sorry about. However, if you are really interested in the plot and want to have a proper meal instead of instant noodles, I sincerely recommend you go and watch the Taiwanese version.

Sane...

2009-05-24T19:04:00.002+08:00

I suddenly realise that I am not an ultimate mugger, there is a person actually posting five new vocabs daily online. Puff...since your job is to post them, at least I can plagiarise them. As for the copyright...sorry.

1. atruism: unselfish thoughts 2. dubious: doubtful 3. egoism: self-centered(ness) 4. pivotal: important, decisive 5. tantamount: equivalent to

1. alleviate: to relieve, lessen 2. assimilate: absorb mentally; adjust 3. clad: dressed 4. palatable: agreeable 5. telegenic: related to televised image (TV, videos, music)

1. burgeoning: to grow or develop quickly 2. demographic: arithmetical; numerical 3. impunity: freedom; exemption from punishment 4. overwrought: extremely/excessively excited or agitated 5. vanguard: forefront; leader

1. amalgam: a mixture or combination 2. bona fide: genuine; honest 3. effigy: dummy 4. feckless: ineffective; incompetent 5. reconciliation: reestablishment

1. annihilation: utter destruction 2. austere: serious; strict; uncompromising; 3. paradox: a seemingly contradictory statement that might be true 4. syncretic: reconciliation of two principles into one environment 5. venerate: to regard or treat with reverence

Oh man, I will frequent your blog this June holiday...

East & West

2009-05-23T19:35:00.008+08:00

I have been here for more than one and a half years, yet it is quite a routined life confined in the West. Since the school is in the west and I am not a wanderlust, for the most of the time I still stay in my 10 square-foot room. In more recent days I break the record of going East thrice within one month. It may sound completely unimpressive, but for a home-hooked, pillow-hugging and a standard bookworm like me, it is a totally different story.

Pasir Ris and Bedok for last month, Expo and Tanah Merah for these days, all these east territories attracted me intentionally or unintentionally like a magnet(if there are east and west poles). Singapore's terrain is quite similar, you will not feel like going to a totally different place from east to west. On the contrary, MRTs with almost the same outlook and overhead bridges with the same flowers planted on them have created quite a homogenous look for this "Garden City". I remember when the bus drove us back from Malaysia last summer(are there four seasons?), I could feel the breathing of the land here: the same overhead bridges, the same conduits for the rain water, the same roadsigns with white words on green backdrop, and the same broad and clean streets. That was totally different from Malaysia, a country more resemblant to China where you can see bare highways with clouds of weird shapes.

In Singapore, even the east and west are the same. One good point for this is that you will never lose your ways. In case you do not know your way, you can always move your lips to ask. Here, people are much simpler so worries about being abducted by human traffickers are almost unnecessary. As a result, I grow bolder with time. No matter it is an old man going for his morning jogging, a savvy-looking businessman or a maid walking a labrador, for most of the time they are willing to get you where you want to go. What a convenience!

However, being much more familiar with the west, I still find here more hospitable. When M&D came here last June holiday, and we went off at Clementi after a tired day-out at Central, it was quite a mutual feeling that we were home. Walking at night is scary, especially if you refer to the night-time incidents in San Francisco. Yet in here you just feel safe.

Though in east there are more entertainments, I think I still prefer west. However I cannot deny that the white sand beach at seaside is bewitching.

Wait~If I have to buy a house, that will be in Bishan~~~Why? Because of...haha:)

Fishing in the Air and Sowing Seeds

2009-05-22T23:29:00.001+08:00

To kill two birds with one stone.
Pigs might fly.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
All mouth and no trousers.
More haste, less speed.
Once a use forever a custom.
Let the dead bury their dead.
There is no smoke without fire.
To put all one’s eggs in one basket.
To leap out of one’s skin,
To fish in the air.
To look for a needle in a bundle of hay.
A bad beginning makes a bad ending..
A bad thing never dies.
A bad workman always blames his tools.
A bully is always a coward.
A closed mouth catches no flies.
Actions speak louder than words.
Adversity leads to prosperity.
A faithful friend is hard to find.
A fall into a pit, a gain in your wit.
A fox may grow gray, but never good.
A good medicine tastes bitter.
A leopard cannot change its spots.
All good things come to an end.
A miss is as good as a mile.
A new broom sweeps clean.
A man cannot spin and reel at the same time.
An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
As a man sows, so he shall reap.
A single flower does not make a spring.
A word spoken is past recalling.
A young idler, an old beggar.
Beauty lies in the love’s eyes.
Better late than never.
Birds of a feather flock together.
Blood is thicker than water.
Cannot see the wood for the trees.
Constant dripping wears away a stone.
Creep before you walk.
Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
Don’t try to teach your grandmother suck eggs.
Do well and have well.
Even Homer sometimes nods.
Each bird loves to hear himself sing.
Easier said than done.
Every little helps a mickle.
Every day is not Sunday.
Every dog has his day.
Everyone’s business is nobody’s business.
Every potter praises his own pot.
Experience must be bought.
Fields have eyes, and woods have ears.
Fire and water have no mercy.
Fools grow without watering.
Forbidden fruit is sweet.
God helps those who help themselves.
Great minds think alike.
Habit cures habit.
Harm set, harm get.
Hear all parties.
He knows most who speaks least.
He laughs best who laughs last.
He sets the fox to keep the geese.
He who does not advance loses ground.
If you venture nothing, you will have nothing.
It is easy to be wise after the event.
It is hard to praise all.
It is no use crying over spilt milk.
It never rains but it pours.
It takes three generations to make a gentleman.
Jack of all trades and master of none.
After meat, mustard; after death, doctor.
All is over but the shouting.
As poor as a church mouse.
Entertain an angel unawares.
A fool may give a wise man counsel.
A man cannot serve two masters.
Love is blind.
All things are obedient to money.
All things are difficult before they are easy.
All shall be well, Jack shall have Jill.
A little spark kindles a great fire.
A little leak will sink a great ship.
A life without a purpose is a ship without a rudder.
At one’s wit’s end…

I forgive U

2009-05-22T16:52:00.002+08:00

Conformity comes with rules,

Maturity comes with ages.

Perceptiveness comes with experience,

Forgiveness comes with love.

To forgive is a virtue, but once again, nobody says it is easy.

Initial shock followed by gloom, initial hatred surrounded by bewilderment.

The giant gap swallowed by darkness, the slim crevice for the injuried to take shelter.

And there is always a saint. With him comes the light.

Then enlightment shall prevail.

A Lump

2009-05-21T18:17:00.007+08:00

The wind was strong today. For the first time I felt I was almost blown away by the invisible force, tugging me and adamant to bring me to nowhere. Dining time has thinned once and once again and recently it has hit the all-time nadir of merely five minutes. The meal was nice, but could not be swallowed in that carefree way as usual. I felt a lump in my throat, blocking all my senses and feelings, just holding me down and down to the place unknown.

Was it pressure? Was it due to Mr Tan's important words on "21st May"? Was it due to Ms Ng's electrifying countdown to 35 teaching days? Or was it due to Principal's "work-hard" message? We can live our lives peacefully day in day out but at the end of each day we still have reasons to feel empty. We seem to be working all the time but when reality strikes we still can be as vulnerable as a stray. We are able to dream about the future but still feel the "realisation" so faraway, so vague, so intangible.

"Every household has its own business to worry." What are in my house? Can I sort it out?

Maybe the process of inspiration is also the process to feel the weight upon your shoulder, to feel the burden pulling you down, and to feel the lump in your throat. Six months of way to go. The time is always running so rationally that our irrational mind can never get the hang of it. You can see the door. You stretch out your arm. You take out the key. But you do not know whether the key fits in or not.

The bends will become straight by the time you set you hands on it. This time, if they do not turn straight, I will hammer it flat.

Hi! Babe, I'm on The Way~See you there, too.

Fate...

2009-05-19T18:33:00.005+08:00

Fate has no logic. You cannot argue with it any more than you can argue with a tornado, and earthquake, a terrorist...

"There was once upon a time a farmer," I told myself, "who wanted to go across a tumultuous stream." "He carried with him two chicken, a cow, a cage of parrots, a baggage of cabbage, two sheep and the bow and arrows passed down from his ancestors as legacies. Facing the stream that was so full of peril, he faltered. He said once and once again to himself: if only I get get across with the bow and arrows, I am willing to drown all the others. But please...let me get away with my legacies..."

"The result was: he sailed across safely to the other side of the stream, leaving all his possessions on the bank except the bow and arrows. It was an exhausting journey, during which he thanked God once and once again for his holy help, and for his mercy that had calmed the water and let it abide his will. However, when he set his foot on the solid ground with the bow and arrows in his hands, he began to look glumly at the direction from which he had come, look glumly at the two chicken, the cow, the cage of parrots, the baggage of cabbage, and the two sheep, regretting that he had not bring them along. He cried and cried for that until the bow and arrows bagan to rust..."

"I'm like the farmer," I told myself again," only that I'm not going to let my bow and arrows rust...not like this."

One must learn to let go, if one has made a decision to abandon certain things.

Just like sometimes, you have to cut off one finger to save your palm...

E.M.P.Y without T~

2009-05-17T19:22:00.018+08:00

Exams are over. No, exams were over. I was diving into a world of fantasy and a life of undreamable when I was suddenly knocked awake...

My dietary habits became more and more irregular. On the day after my last paper, I rushed back to do what I had been wanting to do for such a long time----watching online TV. This resulted in almost 12 hours sedative lifestyle without moving and dining. "The Phantom on Baker Street" was bewitching which held me fixated to the chair for more than two hours. I did not blame myself then, which I do now~Later I opened the even more dangerous Pandola's Box, Taiwanese drama series. I dived into "Meteor Garden" until my eyes became as dazed as meteors: a "browsing through the plot" ended up in a "2:35a.m night nap". That was horrendous! I didn't blame myself then, which I do now, but only slightly this time.

It has been three days since then, yet every day was so irregularly organised with tightly scheduled timetable heading to one place to another, appointments, gatherings. My feet almost swollened up as the yarning and moaning went on. I have never been so busy and tired. Ah Si said "without you (Shan) I could not breathe." I desire a breath, too, an emotional one, and at least a physical one.

Every night I bumped into my room and collapsed on my bed.

My brain could not work.

What was I rushing through?

At last I became my own sarcophagus.

But wait, let's cherish those "hurrying days" first and relish the sweetness in those moments:)

Guo shuai's 18th birthday:D:D:D

Female gang!

Pose...GO!

MM with his "little drink" :D (the mongo one, not the tiger, lol)

Sy wanted to hide his face, only succeeded doing it "partially"

Watching Champions League outside a pub.

Fans! 0.0

Went sightseeing along S'pore river.

Went to City Harvest with Shir, Merrien, and Xixi!

Zi geng di meeting at SPH~

People working hard...

Jiayou!

Life in Literature>.<

2009-05-11T19:51:00.013+08:00

Welcome to the world of C Lit...

Mind you, literature can be "fun", but a life in literature can really "mean" a lot, especially when exams are cramming in...even it is in Chinese...!

You have to etch a file in your memory...

Your white board will become a total change...

There is much to write about...

Even graph paper has to be used...you write on whatever you can find...

It can be colourful, just like a poisonous mushroom~~~

They appear as sms to shock you...

And all you can give are exclamation marks!!!

Life in literature can really "mean" something...you have to get yourself out of the whirlpool...
and try to "enjoy" the everyday"surprise" it gives you...

Titanic, Youth and so on...

2009-05-11T08:24:00.012+08:00

I watched the Oscar epic Titanic again. It is still a touching movie with wonderful music and pictures at all times. Revolutionary Road these days make big news, from which we see the old Leo and Kate, both not as dazzling as they used to be 11 years ago. "Youth is a terrible thing," people say. Those who marvelled at Leo's beauty ten years ago might find his change in "shape" intolerable. Is "aging" really so terrible?

I used to be sympathetic towards Leonardo. After all that glory and youthful beauty, he let himself be carried by the wave of "aging", comparing to many other leading Oscar stars who still remain as prime as ever. However, after watching Titanic again, I find him a fortunate man. Despite all his fame, he after all does not pay that much attention on how he looks. He used to look good. He now does not. But he does not pity himself, which is why we should be like him: concentrating on what he has brought about with his beauty, rather than what his beauty is about. Titanic, a riveting movie unfazed by time, will forever live on, as a lifetime legacy in one's living years.

Young Leo.

Old Leo.

Let's remember him for his Jack.

Favourite lines in Titanic:

1."I've got you, I won't let you go."

2."Women and propellers don't make it."
3."That's interesting! You see people."
"I see you."
"And so?"
"I see you wouldn't jump."

4. "You are a spoiled little brat."

5. "To make it count, meet me at the deck."

6. "Listen! You cannot change anything!"

"Yea, only you can change yourself."

(ten minutes later)

" I've changed my mind."

7. "I want you to draw me like tha French lady. Wearing this."

"Hmm..ok"

"Wearing only this."

8. "You jump, I jump."

9. "To win the ticket is the luckiest thing in my life. It brought me to you."

10."What's your name, madame?"

"Dawson. Rose Dawson."

Haha, M&D

2009-05-08T22:27:00.013+08:00

Hi, Mum,

Since you actually read this, I write this specially for you.

Tomorrow you will be leaving for Tai Yuan, you must be packing your things now:)

I have received all those photos. They are so endearing that make me forget about my C Lit.

You still look so pretty in every shot! I cannot wait to see you this November!

Wait...there is still O Level between us, a fight yet to begin.

I have told you that the most important thing I had learnt here was to be tolerant. Being away from home, I have to be tolerant, be tolerant to the distance that separates us, be tolerant to the misunderstanding happening around my everyday life, and be tolerant to the so-called injustice that can be labelled by you as "minor".

You are a great jigsaw player who makes every piece of my life fit in the whole picture of love and tolerance. I owe my growth to you.

For the first time, you can totally "abondon" us and go for your trip...I still remember ths past times when you sacrificed your journeys for us, for our three meals a day, and for our night-time chats. I still remember the time when you went to Shang Hai for the annual meeting three years ago, we had hot-pot with dad that made my tears run with the rising smoke and my missing for you.

So amazing! I have not met you for almost one year, and I survive with that!

Indeed, there are so many things to keep me occupied here. Every time when I talk to you on the phone, it is either for "problem time" or to "de-emo". I am using jargon now. It merely means that I talk to you when I need something, which is a selfish act. I should not pour all my problems on you as if you are Semacau Landfill, though that is exactly what you continuously ask for. You are such a great backbone for me.

As for that "monster" in our home, he is so stunningly resourceful. For your information,(which you know better than me), he knows about events here more than us! With such a "monster" gluing to the screen every day, I am really spared of much trouble.

Of course, this can be seen as my Mothers'Day message to you. You know, two days from now, when the actual day is coming, I will be all fazed by my Literature exams. That will be when I begin to take the roller coaster.

By the way, your Nicy told me today that I could go for Singapore Flyer with her for "free", an incentive given by SingTel. We will go next Sat or Sun, and we will drop by Borders, too. Hopefully I can squeeze out time to go SPH, I still have work to do there.

Ok, good night. Have a nice trip!

Amy(don't spell my name as Awy, Nicy(Nancy) has already gone wild for your mistake:)

08/05/09

Hmm, you went to Yellow River without telling me!!!

How can you elope there? I am dying of jealousy>.<

I want my sweater~~~.~

BTW, mum you look so nice beside that "bear":D

"Hey, you!!!

What are you doing here in my favourite place?

Trying to intimidate me with your birthday cake??"

~~Ok, I shall not appear like a tyrant----though you stole my wine>:(

"Happy so be-lated birthday, DD."

"Mug" for Hist...Hitler~

2009-05-06T16:56:00.003+08:00

When the stock market collapsed on Wall Street on Tuesday, October 29, 1929, it sent financial markets worldwide into a tailspin with disastrous effects.

The German economy was especially vulnerable since it was built out of foreign capital(thus proves the limitations of Dawes Plan in 1924 and Young Plan in 1929), mostly loans from America and was very dependent on foreign trade. When those loans suddenly came due and when the world market for German exports dried up, the well oiled German industrial machine quickly ground to a halt.

As production levels fell, German workers were laid off (blame on Weimar democratic government which held all the grudge from the middle-class, people were frantic in search of an alternate government, even extreme regimes appealed to them). Along with this, banks failed throughout Germany. Savings accounts, the result of years of hard work, were instantly wiped out. Inflation soon followed making it hard for families to purchase expensive necessities with devalued money.

Overnight, the middle class standard of living so many German families enjoyed was ruined by events outside of Germany, beyond their control. The Great Depression began and they were cast into poverty and deep misery and began looking for a solution, any solution.

Adolf Hitler knew his opportunity had arrived. (advocate expansionism in his Mein Kampf, deliberately outlined his ambitions as to create a Greater Germany, getting living space "lebensraum" for German-speaking people, along with his outright violation of Treaty of Versailles! He was determined to avenge for the humiliation at Paris Peace Conference)

In the good times before the Great Depression the Nazi party experienced slow growth, barely reaching 100,000 members in a country of over sixty million. But the Nazi party, despite its tiny size, was a tightly controlled, highly disciplined organization( a result of Hitler's reorganisation of Nazi Party) of fanatics poised to spring into action.

Since the failed Beer Hall Putsch in 1923, Hitler had changed tactics and was for the most part playing by the rules of democracy. Hitler had gambled in 1923, attempting to overthrow the young German democracy by force, and lost. Now he was determined to overthrow it legally by getting elected while at the same time building a Nazi shadow government that would one day replace the democracy.

Hitler began his career in politics as a street brawling revolutionary appealing to disgruntled World War One veterans predisposed to violence. By 1930 he was quite different, or so it seemed. Hitler counted among his supporters a number of German industrialists, and upper middle class socialites, a far cry from the semi-literate toughs he started out with.

He intentionally broadened his appeal(he achieved this by his excellent speaking skills, "rhetorics", his personal chrisma and his dazzling public meetings. Indeed he gave his people hope and confidence in a whirlpool of plights) because it was necessary. Now he needed to broaden his appeal to the great mass of voting Germans. His chief assets were his speech making ability and a keen sense of what the people wanted to hear.

By mid-1930, amid the economic pressures of the Great Depression, the German democratic government was beginning to unravel (here the Great Depression acted as a catalyst to the downfall of Weimar Government, as it forced the govenment to reveal its concealed weakness and indecisiveness).

Gustav Stresemann, the outstanding German Foreign Minister, had died(What a BLOW! The end to the so-called Golden Age) in October 1929, just before the Wall Street crash. He had spent years working to restore the German economy and stabilize the republic and died, having exhausted himself in the process.

The crisis of the Great Depression brought disunity to the political parties in the Reichstag. Instead of forging an alliance to enact desperately need legislation, they broke up into squabbling, uncompromising groups. In March of 1930, Heinrich Bruening, a member of the Catholic Center Party, became Chancellor.

Despite the overwhelming need for a financial program to help the German people, Chancellor Bruening encountered stubborn opposition to his plans. To break the bitter stalemate, he went to President Hindenburg and asked the old gentleman to invoke Article 48 of the German constitution which gave emergency powers to the president to rule by decree. This provoked a huge outcry from the opposition, demanding withdrawal of the decree.

As a measure of last resort, Bruening asked Hindenburg in July 1930 to dissolve the Reichstag according to parliamentary rules and call for new elections.

The elections were set for September 14. Hitler and the Nazis sprang into action. Their time for campaigning had arrived.

The German people were tired of the political haggling in Berlin. They were tired of misery, tired of suffering, tired of weakness. These were desperate times and they were willing to listen to anyone, even Adolf Hitler.

Inside the Bookmark...

2009-04-21T15:25:00.006+08:00

I see your smile,

I smell your fragrance,

I sense your presence...

All inside the bookmark.

Never will I forget you,

Never will I give up fighting,

Never will I stop loving you...

It is refreshing to see you every day, that makes me forget all my quandaries.

......

All inside a bookmark.

Sports Day

2009-04-18T00:46:00.005+08:00

Our Heroes!

Amazing bananas~

Yesterday was Sports Day. We had an "awesome" time.

It was the first time that I found the boys in my class so mischievous. To be honest, I saw the glimmer of evil on their face when we led the cheer----a kind of sly look on their "innocent" faces----yet we let it be~They played a great prank by carrying our dearest ET(Eric Tan, our form teacher) around in the field. The perversive act was faced with violent struggle: one man in his prime with four boys in their "PRIMER".

The result was a draw: ET pinched xz's leg and "almost" succeeded in pulling down one of the guys' shorts(name confidential:), which followed by acting threateningly towards Weide, the mastermind behind the act of "evil" who was then smiling conspiratorially with WeiKong. And the boys succeeded in carrying such an awesome man for more than twenty yards before succumbing to his struggle and mastery use of his own gravity----a physics soul after all. (Though he might still believe him as a philosophical person, he did not foresee such a trick awaiting him and the LOGIC behind it:)

The FUN LOGIC!

Besides that, ET was "hazed" by the same bunch of extraterrestial creatures after his failed attempt to dismiss us. They draped over him and then crumbled upon him! The scene might seem quite animal-like. That was why it was so endearing!

"Remember to study for Physics test on Monday arh? Three Chapters~"His usual, kind reminder after a typical hilarious scene, betraying some of his pessimistic trait.

That was endearing, too. Bewitching~(ok, I'm exaggerating, xiaoyou or k.k or pc don't think so much--YOU are bewitching, too;)

Off goes ET, here comes Mrs Sabar!

Our heroine of the day!

She ran for class relay, thank goodness!

And we made it to the 3rd place! Bravo!

Bananas yesterday were so nice! And guess what? I went to NTUC to buy bananas after that.(to ensure smooth excretion actually;P)

"Peel banana, peel peel banana..."

Youth----by Samual Ullman

2009-04-16T23:43:00.000+08:00

Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity of the appetite, for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of sixty more than a boy of twenty. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.

Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust.

Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every human being's heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what's next, and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the infinite, so long are you young.

When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at twenty, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch the waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at eighty.

Encounter...

2009-04-14T23:29:00.009+08:00

A random search on the Internet made me delightfully appalled.

I have never imagined I can have anything to do with Tsing Hua University except that I have been there for once two years ago. Jumping out of China's education system naturally detachs me from everything that would set a senior high school student excited. Even the most prestigious university in China seems so far away from me, physically and mentally. Tsing Hua used to be a dream so far-fetched. I can only be a visit to worship it; and being part of it is virtually holy.

Yet my footprint was left on Tsing Hua website: http://www.ziyuanv.cn/ That is merely amazing.

I have never expected my feeling towards a trip can be perpetuated in this way, remembered by the most prestigious tertiary institution that a high school student can dream of. I have never expected my memory of a school that touches me can be made immort osal.

It is a beautiful encounter.

An encounter that lets a dream burn again. I remembered my previous form teacher asked me,"where will you go if you cannot go to Singapore?"

I remembered my answer.

There are two answers: one blurted out between my lips, one etched in my heart.

My mouth said:"Tsing Hua."

My heart said:"Sure I can make it to Nan Hua."

There is not right or wrong. I have achieved what I used to aspire. That part is great. Yet I also realise the disparity between ambition and reality~

That part is even better...

24th April will be my first Speech Day, on which I will receive the credits for my hardwork in 2008 as well as yet another scholarship. The Day reminds me of my worth, yet the joy is not lasting. However, finding my name on Tsing Hua website really sends my mind reeling.

Is that where my real dream lies?

No matter what the answer may it be, I know the importance of focusing on my current dream: to fulfil a dream left behind by my seniors.

"Change we can believe in."

I will get there!!!For sure!!!

My footprint

http://ziyuanv.cn/ziyuan/f6/717.html

http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_537ce79f0100bznr.html

Riding the Tide

2009-04-06T17:14:00.002+08:00

Love is tricky.

It is never mundane or daily.

You can never get used to it.

You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you.

You can never balk.

It moves you like the tide.

It takes you out to sea, then lays you on the beach again.

Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens.

You can run from it but you can never deny it.

"It" means saying no.

----Olivia Bishop

Let Drama live on..

2009-04-04T20:43:00.004+08:00

Drama Club rocksssssssss!

We are Sec4s~~

We are used to missing everything we lose, that's the human nature.

Saying goodbye to my drama practice, saying goodbye to dear Mr Ernest, saying goodbye to the cosy drama room scented with paint and ink, saying goodbye to every passionate performer who works together to weave out those amusing and touching short skits.

Saying goodbye to our perspiration-streaked faces after "intensive exercises", saying goodbye to the two soft drink bottles which we use as weights, saying goodbye to our name cards that make up the beautiful "clouds", saying goodbye to Celsius, Yellow Carrot Chocolate, and The Ernest~

Saying goodbye to "sun-tan position", "mermaid position", "tabletop" and the most classic"toilet bowl"~~~

But Drama will live on, Drama will prevail, Drama will shine through, for ever and ever and ever...

Because we are dramatic~~~~~

So we won't cry.

SYF~Hooray~~

2009-04-03T19:37:00.029+08:00

Today is SYF Day, people. So without further ado, let's come to the picture time.

Drum beats on... Welcome to our Drama Room~

Get into the drama mood now!

Here comes the Japanese man (Mr Domiwa) with his cute moustache.

And Alvinnnn the Assistant at the Lucky Number Tour....

It's painful right~Lucky yor only got 8 hair pins, I got 18!

The "keipo" neighbour coming our of her bathroom shivering in coldness:D

Alamah! The Coffee Pot lady with a casino girl! What's happening here?

The tigeress----Loan Shark Tina in the making...

And her errand boy Ah Ding emoing~~

Another errand boy Ah Dong is ashamed of showing his face~~

Turn around~~~~~~~

And open your eyes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Kang Zi Jing!!!

(People, shake your cursor over the picture to get the effect!)

Attention! Here comes the most important and BIMBIM people!!!

Zoom in~~~~~

And zoom in again~~~~~

Welcome to the Merlion Caaaaaaaaaaasiiiiiiiiiiiinooooooooo!!!

With the spicy girl.........

And with my dear Mrs Tan!!!

SYF marks the unofficial ending of my two-year CCA, which has given me a bittersweet memory indeed. It is very hard along the way, yet the way seems so short. As if yesterday I was standing in the drama room with a hat in my hand acting Juliet for the "imprompt section" of the audition, today I am standing at the same place doing my part as a casino hostess. "This is not Las Vegas..."

The performance was superbly done today! Five months' hard work finally came to a whiff of relief as the curtain closed in the mellow music. Right from the beginning of the day, my mind was whirled around the performance that my brain could not take in anything else. For the first time, I cannot wait to get into the drame room to set the MODE right. The first "feeding" started at 9:30am, during which I took high-carbo food and a cup of jelly. Then was the hair-and-make-up session. The professional stylists were super efficient:they did about fifteen hair and make-up within three hours! At the end of the make-up everyone looked so nice and pretty!

The waiting in the dressing room of ACJC was brief and relaxing. Casino girls did our second make-up while having our third "feeding":kaya buns. The time was so limited that we finished our lipstick two minutes before the play started.

Then we were into our roles~

Everyone did a marvelous job. The ethical and controversial side of gambling was wonderfully shown as "numbers" dominated and completely changed Mr Tan's life. Mr and Mrs Tan, Mr and Mrs Domiwa, loan sharks, casino girls, Joey and Alvin, semetery people and funeral people, light and sound people, hair and make-up people, and the trainer Ernest, I really cannot thank you enough for putting so much effort in this play and making it the most memorable period in my school life.

After the performance, we went to PizzaHut to "unwind"~~~

We talked a lot with Joey and Zi Jing, almost showed our "true colours", hahaX :P The "chat&crap" was fun. By the way, I saw Xiao Bin or Yang Fan on the way to PizzaHut coming off Bus 106. I really could not differentiate them...though I guess it was xb.

Great day, people. Enjoy every bit of it;>

Fazed~

2009-04-02T23:02:00.003+08:00

These days time is spinning like a merry-go-round, I want to keep up with the pace yet find myself dropped behind, want to jump off yet get injured, want to take a breath yet inhale a mouthful of sorrow.

SYF is tomorrow at ACJC. The light and music people finally came today for the rehearsal. We stayed up to 6:30pm standing at the parade square doing runs, changing scenes, pracitising on heels and shouting at the top of the voice. Real dramatic things occurred when three girls broke down in stress, drenched in tears and one girl was overpowered by "heart attack" that led to much commotion. SJAB was summoned and two HODs got panicky.

Chemistry O Level SPA finally finished today. My roller-coaster emotions were finally put to rest, with a grain of salt, though. Staying calm is not always the golden rule, but thank goodness it still aplies favourably on me. This week when three tests popped out undeclared, I narrowly managed to cope quite well.

Focused group discussion(a feedback session) will be held on next Wednesday. Several issues will be discussed so I still have to sort my minds to give some "constructional suggestions". O Level is in 7 months' time, enough for me to grapple with new knowledge, yet not enough for me to get psychologically prepared. A long way to go, and a devious one.

Thank you mum and dad for still being such a great support. There is nothing for you to worry about since I am coping pretty well. From next week onwards I will not have intensed CCA trainings so we can talk "dogs and kids and trips and gardens and sky and moon" again on phone. Please take great care of your health.

The meals at hostel are improving in quality, though I am doing my best to keep down the quantity:P The occasional addition of ice-cream cakes and mango jelly can spice up a day; and today the pineapple was delightfully sour.

Eileen Chang said in her prose," Life is a fabulous robe ladden with fleas."

I agree~

So to reveal the real colour of "life", let's all get moving to remove the fleas.

Life can be a bed of roses, given that friends are there for you.

And you know that they are there~

Forever 402

2009-04-01T19:02:00.007+08:00

402'09

302'08

We are 402!

We will always be together~

Class cake!

What we were like one year ago!

It is raining, Don't get wet...

2009-03-30T19:28:00.005+08:00

When it rains, I will remember you:

You used to be the sunshine that shed happiness in my life, I pursue your footsteps in search of "life";

You used to be the impeccable raindrop that falls like feathers in the deep of night, I open my eyes in my dream and see your face;

You used to be the etheral seraph dancing in the air, clad in purity, bathed in bliss;

You used to light up my life,

You used to be YOU~~~

My Dear Lingying Family

2009-03-21T17:46:00.003+08:00

When Bocheng announced the best group for the Yingxin camp, my heart almost jumped out of my body. Everyone around us was shouting deliriously the names of their groups; but my intuition told me it should be us, Ling Ying!

I fell in love with our group at the first sight. The cool name made me think of the ruler of the air gliding gracefully yet austerely in the azure blue sky. We are the king of the sky! And we fly really high!

Knowing that there are so many seniors who devote all their love to care for us newbies touched me a lot. I love Ling Ying Family, and will work with all of you to make it a more glorious one.

Here, I want to thank some special people who helped make the camp the most memorable.

#1Yuecong:for leading us all the way and preparing really hard for the night performance:)

#2Meiwei: for cheering the loudest and inspiring us with you "mushroom-shaped" hair;D

#3Bocheng: for coming up with the hip-hop dance for Swan Lake, for being a cute"xiaoxiong"with zhiyuan, and for being a special member of Ling Ying for all of us to be proud of:)

#4Xiaoyou: for being so cheerful and understanding, patient and enthusiastic; I am glad to have your companion;)

#5Junquan: for discussing with us the night performance!

#6Zhiyuan: for being so caring and nice. I will remember you:)

#7Kaishi: for your warm companionship!

And all the Ling Ying members!

Let's strive together, for the greater heights!

Happenings

2009-02-19T16:21:00.006+08:00

Let it rain~~~

The night was dark, humid, and chilly, with clusters of cloud congregating at the far end of the sky. I felt the tempest in brew. The deep and thick blackness enshrouded the spire of a nearby church, which shone in the moonlight with a shimmering skin of light, utterly vulnerable as it was about to be swallowed up by the surrounding darkness. S crawled alone along a desolate lane unhurriedly. She knew the storm was coming, but somehow this time she chose not to budge.

The first few drops of rain pelted on her "claw", the coldness of which snapped her train of thoughts. She stared blindly at the glittering drops of rain splattered on her shell, shaking involuntarily with the rhythm of the pelting rain. Her claw was stinged...

A flash of lightning tore the sky apart. S felt her shell cracking. It was only her heart, but that was what she realized later. Almost the end, she thought, scooping out the soil soaked with rainwater with her two powerful claws. S was about to be home.

The silence of the air startled her and made her shiver with sadness. It had nothing to do with the rain, nothing to do with the day, nothing to do with her den, but everything to do with her self. She is a S, being a S means being merciless, but she could not even make it clear who to blame for her "plight", or a minor misfortune----her nature told her it was H, but her heart told her it was herself.

That is the dillemma of being a S----if you are not strong enough to suit the name, you fortune is inverted; but if you are strong enough to be relentless, you have to bring yourself along a long journey, with mutual hurting as the destination. The result is hard to behold, but it is impossible to look away...

S decided to face it. It was expected, she falsely reassured herself. Unlike charges can attract, but they can never remain neutral forever. One of them has to be discharged, and the one is S.

One scoop, two scoops, three scoops...

S was home.

She was in. She is now out.

A Thorn in the Flesh

2009-02-15T20:37:00.005+08:00

Cheer up lah..............

These days we learn about Cold War. The fact that the prosperous West Burlin being a thorn in the flesh in the communist-dominated East Germany did not strike me as odd.

There will always be thorns, as far as there are differences. And, there are always differences. So the fate is sealed: there are thorns.

A cone in a paper bag can inflict great hurt. What about a number of cones lying together in a bag? Will the bag be pierced through? The pressure will decrease for sure, since the surface area increases. The hurt is not that much.

So, a cone should be with cones, so the piercing part does not hurt.

By the same token, when the cone is inside a paper bag, it should fell its sharp part and turn to a cylinder, so it does not hurt, either.

Then the East Germany will not feel the hurt...

Phoenix

2009-02-09T22:06:00.003+08:00

Born out of the fire, glaring amidst glints, shining after tortures, crying for the most valiant,

Phoenix fights for its life; she fights out of a life.

It is a time for Phoenix

Breathe and Take a Ride

2009-02-05T22:12:00.006+08:00

Life is like a roller coaster now: one moment you wallow at the plight of your misfortune, another moment you become unfazed by what could have burned you up. Not only one's mood becomes volatile like a beaker of alcohol vaporising in the open air; one's mind is go whirling from one polar to another, without suitable reasons to account for all these changes. Could all these be the symptoms of distress? Should not be. The real slaughter is yet to begin. But I have heard the sounds of knife-sharpening and smelt a scent of sordid death right there waiting to cloak us all.

The gravity of being a graduating student really sinks in. For the first time in my life, I begin to use a timetable and really keep my schedule for more than two weeks. My life is more organised that way, with every hour being alloted to perform diffrent tasks. This rids me of the confusion of thinking over what to do for the next day and motivates me to go on even when my mood goes from the zenith to the nadir.

In the new year, I begin to learn more and more about the limitations of myself that have lurked unobserved previously. Instead of mourning and pitying about them, I set to view them in a new light. Maybe it is my fortune to view my weakness in such a positive light, or maybe it is just a disguised excuse that I seek for myself; I prefer it to be the former.

My seniors' JC results were released someday last week. Disappointment was the basic mood while resignation took the second fiddle. Competition is so intense that it is hard for us scholars to get a footing; a strong, firm, unwavering footing. The situation for 2009 is just as formidable: one has to move on or one will drift back.

With more and more issues in my hands at the same time, I take a joy in juggling my life. Sometimes it is really hard to strike a balance between study and life; sometimes you just get engrossed in the task you are doing and all other worries are pushed back. Sometimes you find solace in the peace of a balmy night; sometimes you are plagued by inexorable anxiety that encroaches on your heart.

No matter what Sec4 life has in store for me, I will sail ahead; no matter what kind of tempest I will face, I will fight through; no matter how many times bitterness dominates my heart, I will always find the way out--the way directing to my dream, against all odds.

Nice sleep, babe.

A Dream of Turquoise

2009-01-23T23:28:00.004+08:00

Getting embroiled in dreams is dangerous. Pretending can be counterproductive, it keeps you from accepting things that cannot change. The past is not the sepia-toned idyll it sometimes seems, but by being encrusted in turquoise, one can find his peace of mind, his way of life, through his way of remembrance...

Chinese New Year

2009-01-22T22:18:00.003+08:00

Let's get into the New yEar mood~~~~~~~

Another lunar year is coming, and every school is ready with its decorations. Yesterday when I went to Hwa Chong Junior College and Chinese High School I was assailed by the intense feeling of a New year. Red lanterns are hanged in the Kah Kee Hall which exhibited the sensational oil paintings of "The Story of Three Kingdoms" two months ago; pineapple-shaped lanterns have gained special popularity here, with them being seen in almost everywhere from convenience shops in Clementi Centre to the regional patrol stations in Yew Tee. Curtains are NUS High School's specialty. Red cloth delicately cut, sliced, twisted and curled before they were fixed to the awning of the teaching block, emanating an auspicious atmosphere as New(Niu) Year draws near.

Our school, no need to mention, with Mother Tongue Department so enthusiastic in heightening the new-year spirit way before it comes, has come up with a package of ways to encourage us to play a part in welcoming 2009 lunar new year. Besides classroom decoration which set class chairpersons into motion of creating a mini-niche of celebrating area, every performing arts group is racking their head to ensure the success of the New Year special performance. Tomorrow will be the day that we 1750 people and 100 staff squeezing in the school hall to enjoy the performance put up by various student groups. Let's wish them a great success.

After Chinese New Year the alleged "storm" will prevail and most possibly, overwhelm us without us being able to protest about it. As reality begins to set in, this year I have to juggle between my studies and SYF, debating club as well as my role as a student reporter. The road ahead is jagged and unpredictable, but with undeterred hope and a strong will, I believe I will be able to make it.

For now, Happy Lunar New Year, dude.