Two-Year Anniversary in Singapore!!!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
On the Cusp of Maturity
Eighteen~ What a magical number!
It is so hard to believe that my 18 would come in this way: quiet but blissful, stressed but heartwarming, jittery but full of expectation...I know, on my road towards maturity, this has been a significant step, an inevitable step, and a beatific one.
Wishes from my old-time playmates evoked those beautiful memories with them. The familiar Tank's song attached with the mail suddenly made realise how much I had missed----their remembrance, my old love, my old petulance, and my old tantrums. All those episodes will be replaced by new ones when tomorrow comes----that is the magic of "18".
18, the end of the "blossom season", as well as the culmaination of the "rain season".
There is lightning and thunder tonight. Maybe the heaven is rejoicing with me, I mean, us...
01.11.2009
My juniors' one year anniversary of landing in Singapore, my first step----voluntarily and involuntarily, willingly and reluctantly----into maturity.
Into a season without any more tears, and any more heartbreaks.
Into my adulthood~
Let's say "HOORAY!"
Yeah. My whole 17 has been spent in Singapore, without a single step outside her. My whole 17 without seeing any of my family members, meeting any one of my old friends in China...
17 again? One cannot press "restart" button as one wants to. And I doubt I won't choose the same route:P
Anyway, 17 will be forever remembered for being the most important year in my life. It is my first time living my own life without my parents by my side, for the whole year.
Now thinking back about two years ago, when I just turned 16, it feels so long ago. We cut the cake on the newly decorated "bar" table. I wore a red sweater, peering out of the window of our 14th storey flat, and taking photos of myself.
These two years, I have seen too much cake-cutting, birthday song-singing, cheering...It is so amazing when people around me are growing and I do not feel myself growing, old. Time is fair. So here comes my moment:)
Today's original plan was to buy two small cakes for my sister and myself. But it was storming just now----Singapore's rain season comes in advance, strangely---- so we decide upon eating Chinese Dumplings instead. By 24:00, we will say our wishes~
Thanks for all those who have wished us, and thanks for all the wishes that are yet to come. It is great being remembered~.~
I am no longer a small kid. So no excuses for immaturity anymore:)
Hello. 18!
It is so hard to believe that my 18 would come in this way: quiet but blissful, stressed but heartwarming, jittery but full of expectation...I know, on my road towards maturity, this has been a significant step, an inevitable step, and a beatific one.
Wishes from my old-time playmates evoked those beautiful memories with them. The familiar Tank's song attached with the mail suddenly made realise how much I had missed----their remembrance, my old love, my old petulance, and my old tantrums. All those episodes will be replaced by new ones when tomorrow comes----that is the magic of "18".
18, the end of the "blossom season", as well as the culmaination of the "rain season".
There is lightning and thunder tonight. Maybe the heaven is rejoicing with me, I mean, us...
01.11.2009
My juniors' one year anniversary of landing in Singapore, my first step----voluntarily and involuntarily, willingly and reluctantly----into maturity.
Into a season without any more tears, and any more heartbreaks.
Into my adulthood~
Let's say "HOORAY!"
Yeah. My whole 17 has been spent in Singapore, without a single step outside her. My whole 17 without seeing any of my family members, meeting any one of my old friends in China...
17 again? One cannot press "restart" button as one wants to. And I doubt I won't choose the same route:P
Anyway, 17 will be forever remembered for being the most important year in my life. It is my first time living my own life without my parents by my side, for the whole year.
Now thinking back about two years ago, when I just turned 16, it feels so long ago. We cut the cake on the newly decorated "bar" table. I wore a red sweater, peering out of the window of our 14th storey flat, and taking photos of myself.
These two years, I have seen too much cake-cutting, birthday song-singing, cheering...It is so amazing when people around me are growing and I do not feel myself growing, old. Time is fair. So here comes my moment:)
Today's original plan was to buy two small cakes for my sister and myself. But it was storming just now----Singapore's rain season comes in advance, strangely---- so we decide upon eating Chinese Dumplings instead. By 24:00, we will say our wishes~
Thanks for all those who have wished us, and thanks for all the wishes that are yet to come. It is great being remembered~.~
I am no longer a small kid. So no excuses for immaturity anymore:)
Hello. 18!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Days of My Past
I recall when I was young Oh~
I will play and always having fun
with the neighbour next to me
And we'll play until the setting sun
try to be "The Best" among the others
in a game call the "Spider battle"
It doesn't matter,
who is the best now
those were the days of my past
Few years later when I got to school and was late for lesson all the time
Always day dreaming in the class
till I don't even know the lessons done
Then my teacher always tell me
Never ever be lazy again
What can I do now
What can I say now
Those were the days of my past
As the days go on and on
I grew up and had my first love
Candle light and sandy beach
Finally give away my first kiss
Mother said I was too young to fall in love and
then I will one day regret so love was over
but I do miss her
Those were the days of my past
Just when I left my high school and
got my first job as a salesmen
working hard all day and night
no one there to lend a helping hand
Daddy told me not to worry and
said that I should go on step by step
Those were the days of my past
Then once day I settled down with the only one I really love
gona small family with two kids that is what I'm always hoping for
But I still remember having fun with all my friends when I was young
I miss my hometown I miss my old friend
Those were the days of my past
I miss my hometown
I miss my old friend
When will I see them again
I will play and always having fun
with the neighbour next to me
And we'll play until the setting sun
try to be "The Best" among the others
in a game call the "Spider battle"
It doesn't matter,
who is the best now
those were the days of my past
Few years later when I got to school and was late for lesson all the time
Always day dreaming in the class
till I don't even know the lessons done
Then my teacher always tell me
Never ever be lazy again
What can I do now
What can I say now
Those were the days of my past
As the days go on and on
I grew up and had my first love
Candle light and sandy beach
Finally give away my first kiss
Mother said I was too young to fall in love and
then I will one day regret so love was over
but I do miss her
Those were the days of my past
Just when I left my high school and
got my first job as a salesmen
working hard all day and night
no one there to lend a helping hand
Daddy told me not to worry and
said that I should go on step by step
Those were the days of my past
Then once day I settled down with the only one I really love
gona small family with two kids that is what I'm always hoping for
But I still remember having fun with all my friends when I was young
I miss my hometown I miss my old friend
Those were the days of my past
I miss my hometown
I miss my old friend
When will I see them again
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Don't Quit
I chanced upon this when I browsed through the CEP materials that I had handed in on 13th, August. The familiar prose dragged me to the scene when the whole cohort of students sat in the hall, listening to a gentleman reciting the poem of an obscire poet.
Something has happened,but what was initially dealt as important seemed to lose its weightage. People are ageing, and age has given everyone a crust, like that on a refrigerated cake. We should focus on the reality now, though it is occastionally cruel. So let it be.
Nothing we can do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future. Not others' future, your own future...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't Quit.
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must but dont's you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems far;
So stick to the fight when we're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I won't, you won't, she won't, and he won't, and the world will be a better place for us to live in.
For all the decent~~~and only the decent~~~
Something has happened,but what was initially dealt as important seemed to lose its weightage. People are ageing, and age has given everyone a crust, like that on a refrigerated cake. We should focus on the reality now, though it is occastionally cruel. So let it be.
Nothing we can do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future. Not others' future, your own future...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't Quit.
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must but dont's you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems far;
So stick to the fight when we're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I won't, you won't, she won't, and he won't, and the world will be a better place for us to live in.
For all the decent~~~and only the decent~~~
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Game Theory
Game theory is a branch of applied mathematics, but strangely, discussions about it came during our literature lesson, and sparked off an animated debate.
It all began when one of our Prelim-exam articles, Kaff's short story "Survivor", grabbed our attention by its unique ending.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man and his sleigh dog were marooned on an iceland near the South Pole. Their fates were sealed if there was no plane to save them within one week. The man's survival prospects were bleak in the face of the harsh weather and the menace from the only living thing beside him--the dog.
For fear that his dog, a huge one, would overpower him and eat him up to avoid its impending starvation, he chose to act first. He began to hone a knife. The dog gazed at him curiously and the man believed that he saw fear crossing its face, but he went on his mission--facing the threat of death, no one could be altruistic.
He ordered the dog to come to him, and lifted the shiny knife.
The dog obeyed, albeit it flinched at first.
He was overcome by his conscience and threw the knife away the moment his dog approached him, and cried in the snow.
That was when the dog knew.
It circled around the man, hollering and bawling menacingly with its last strength. The man continued to whimper.
The dog stopped to lick his face with its warm, wet tongue, and the man who had been thrilled to bits, went up to hug the dog, tightly.
Two days later, an aeroplane circling around the area observed a shiny spot in the whiteness of the snow and spiraled down.
It was the knife.
So they were both saved, the man and the dog.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The discussion was: if you were the man, would you kill the dog?
Some answers came within seconds:
"I won't. I don't eat raw meat. It was disgusting."
"No. Of course. I can't bear the thought of killing anything."
"Maybe...No, should not be...If it dare come near me I would kill it for sure."
"Yeah, I will hone a knife...but it depends whether I kill the thing..."
My answer:"No. Of course. My strength enough to kill a dog? Joking! I can't make it die even if I kill it, so why bother?"
The essence of the discussion, however, was not what we have discussed above. So our devastated teacher(after hearing our answers, especially the "no-disgusting-raw-meat" answer), envisioned a new situation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If all of you are arrested by a terrorist who divide you into two groups in different buildings and he gives each group a control pad that controls the bombs of the other group's building. If you denotate the others' building, you will be released alive. However, if the other group acts first and decides to bomb your building, you will die. Each group has three minutes to decide which action to take...
Will you press the "red button" of your controller?
We were literally divided into two groups in my class that were supposed to be put in the two buildings, and the three-minute discussion started. Within three minutes, we were supposed to message our teacher our mutual decision whether to "bomb" or not.
At the end of the three minutes, neither side pressed the "red button", so we both survived.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In reality?
With people you do not know in the other building?
Both groups will bomb the other side, but the group I was in pressed the button first so the other group died.
With your family members in the other building?
Neither pressed the button.
With possible criminals?
For sure we both "bombed" the other side, but again there was the "time issue". Our group sent the message faster so the other side was blasted into oblivion.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Cai(our literature teacher) came into a conclusion based on our reactions: if there are people we know, we won't bomb the building, but if they are strangers, off they die.
So he made the situation more complicated.
Inside the other building: 1 family member, 19 possible criminals. Bomb?
"Hmm...then..."
Inside the other building: 20 family members / friends or 20 possible criminals. Bomb?
"Uh-huh...well..."
Inside the other building: you don't know who they are, and how many of them. Bomb?
"Gosh! I quit!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Wait, who are in MY building with me," I asked Mr. Cai.
"Your friends and family members."
"Then I will bomb them."
"What if you are with people you do not know?"
"Then... I won't press the button, and persuade people in my side not to. But if they do insist, I have nothing against it, either. The decision is beyond me, now."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So it depends on your 'fate'~" (everything seems to be about fate and luck...don't say it about exam:)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We roared...Mr. Cai is a hardcore fatalist, so whenever we come to this topic, we feel like treading on landmines. Here he came...
It is actually a model of "game theory", in fact a situation of Nash Equilibrium (Note: John. Jr.Nash was the Nobel laureate for Economics due to his contribution to 'equilibrium concepts', and I have read a biography about him).
Nash Equilibrium:
If each player has chosen a strategy and no player can benefit by changing his or her strategy while the other players keep theirs unchanged, then the current set of strategy choices and the corresponding payoffs constitute a Nash equilibrium model.
Upon searching more into the topic, I made an appalling dscovery that Game Theory is also applied in the study of biology, in a concept called "biological altruism".
Biological Altruism:
A situation in which an organism appears to act in a way that benefits other organisms but is detrimental to itself. This is distinct from traditional notions of altruism because such actions are not conscious, but appear to be evolutionary adaptations to increase overall fitness of the species.
Examples:
Vampire bats, who regurgitate blood they have obtained from a night's hunting and give it to group members who have failed to feed.
Worker bees, who care for the queen bee for their entire lives and never mate,
Vervet monkeys, who warn group members of a predator's approach, even when it endangers that individual's chance of survival.
All of these actions increase the overall fitness of a group, but occur at a cost to the individual.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then I realise. "Game theory" is much more complicated in real-life application and many factors around you, coupled with your own choice and decision, will decide your fate.
Then it dawned me on the Cuban Missile Crisis:
What if either John.F. Kennedy or Khrushchev chose to press the "hot button" during the Cold War? A nuclear war?
Thank goodness they steered away from it...
Maybe they both knew well about the "game theory". Who knows? But thank goodness if they knew.
It all began when one of our Prelim-exam articles, Kaff's short story "Survivor", grabbed our attention by its unique ending.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man and his sleigh dog were marooned on an iceland near the South Pole. Their fates were sealed if there was no plane to save them within one week. The man's survival prospects were bleak in the face of the harsh weather and the menace from the only living thing beside him--the dog.
For fear that his dog, a huge one, would overpower him and eat him up to avoid its impending starvation, he chose to act first. He began to hone a knife. The dog gazed at him curiously and the man believed that he saw fear crossing its face, but he went on his mission--facing the threat of death, no one could be altruistic.
He ordered the dog to come to him, and lifted the shiny knife.
The dog obeyed, albeit it flinched at first.
He was overcome by his conscience and threw the knife away the moment his dog approached him, and cried in the snow.
That was when the dog knew.
It circled around the man, hollering and bawling menacingly with its last strength. The man continued to whimper.
The dog stopped to lick his face with its warm, wet tongue, and the man who had been thrilled to bits, went up to hug the dog, tightly.
Two days later, an aeroplane circling around the area observed a shiny spot in the whiteness of the snow and spiraled down.
It was the knife.
So they were both saved, the man and the dog.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The discussion was: if you were the man, would you kill the dog?
Some answers came within seconds:
"I won't. I don't eat raw meat. It was disgusting."
"No. Of course. I can't bear the thought of killing anything."
"Maybe...No, should not be...If it dare come near me I would kill it for sure."
"Yeah, I will hone a knife...but it depends whether I kill the thing..."
My answer:"No. Of course. My strength enough to kill a dog? Joking! I can't make it die even if I kill it, so why bother?"
The essence of the discussion, however, was not what we have discussed above. So our devastated teacher(after hearing our answers, especially the "no-disgusting-raw-meat" answer), envisioned a new situation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If all of you are arrested by a terrorist who divide you into two groups in different buildings and he gives each group a control pad that controls the bombs of the other group's building. If you denotate the others' building, you will be released alive. However, if the other group acts first and decides to bomb your building, you will die. Each group has three minutes to decide which action to take...
Will you press the "red button" of your controller?
We were literally divided into two groups in my class that were supposed to be put in the two buildings, and the three-minute discussion started. Within three minutes, we were supposed to message our teacher our mutual decision whether to "bomb" or not.
At the end of the three minutes, neither side pressed the "red button", so we both survived.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In reality?
With people you do not know in the other building?
Both groups will bomb the other side, but the group I was in pressed the button first so the other group died.
With your family members in the other building?
Neither pressed the button.
With possible criminals?
For sure we both "bombed" the other side, but again there was the "time issue". Our group sent the message faster so the other side was blasted into oblivion.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Cai(our literature teacher) came into a conclusion based on our reactions: if there are people we know, we won't bomb the building, but if they are strangers, off they die.
So he made the situation more complicated.
Inside the other building: 1 family member, 19 possible criminals. Bomb?
"Hmm...then..."
Inside the other building: 20 family members / friends or 20 possible criminals. Bomb?
"Uh-huh...well..."
Inside the other building: you don't know who they are, and how many of them. Bomb?
"Gosh! I quit!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Wait, who are in MY building with me," I asked Mr. Cai.
"Your friends and family members."
"Then I will bomb them."
"What if you are with people you do not know?"
"Then... I won't press the button, and persuade people in my side not to. But if they do insist, I have nothing against it, either. The decision is beyond me, now."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So it depends on your 'fate'~" (everything seems to be about fate and luck...don't say it about exam:)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We roared...Mr. Cai is a hardcore fatalist, so whenever we come to this topic, we feel like treading on landmines. Here he came...
It is actually a model of "game theory", in fact a situation of Nash Equilibrium (Note: John. Jr.Nash was the Nobel laureate for Economics due to his contribution to 'equilibrium concepts', and I have read a biography about him).
Nash Equilibrium:
If each player has chosen a strategy and no player can benefit by changing his or her strategy while the other players keep theirs unchanged, then the current set of strategy choices and the corresponding payoffs constitute a Nash equilibrium model.
Upon searching more into the topic, I made an appalling dscovery that Game Theory is also applied in the study of biology, in a concept called "biological altruism".
Biological Altruism:
A situation in which an organism appears to act in a way that benefits other organisms but is detrimental to itself. This is distinct from traditional notions of altruism because such actions are not conscious, but appear to be evolutionary adaptations to increase overall fitness of the species.
Examples:
Vampire bats, who regurgitate blood they have obtained from a night's hunting and give it to group members who have failed to feed.
Worker bees, who care for the queen bee for their entire lives and never mate,
Vervet monkeys, who warn group members of a predator's approach, even when it endangers that individual's chance of survival.
All of these actions increase the overall fitness of a group, but occur at a cost to the individual.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then I realise. "Game theory" is much more complicated in real-life application and many factors around you, coupled with your own choice and decision, will decide your fate.
Then it dawned me on the Cuban Missile Crisis:
What if either John.F. Kennedy or Khrushchev chose to press the "hot button" during the Cold War? A nuclear war?
Thank goodness they steered away from it...
Maybe they both knew well about the "game theory". Who knows? But thank goodness if they knew.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Because you Loved me
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
Ill be forever thankful baby
Youre the one who held me up
Never let me fall
Youre the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
Im grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I dont know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
Youve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
Ill be forever thankful baby
Youre the one who held me up
Never let me fall
Youre the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
Im grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I dont know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
Youve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
About Past
About Past...
Past is a myth, a sweet myth. It is a great feeling that sometimes this myth can unfold right in front of you, to remind you that part of your life is still retrenched in your heart, forever and always.
I believe there is nothing in the world more fabulous than being missed, being waited, and being marked as "special". I am fortunate to find such a friend.
Not "find". I know my friend has always been there for me--we've known each other for eleven years. (Good age, we're about to be adults) Sharing some anecdotes after five years may be the most heartwarming way of remembering our past, making it alive, and reliving it again. We all need the time and the mood to reminisce. It is therapeutic.
About memories...
I have half a piece. You have half a piece. Together we make it a whole.
Maybe I remember more about you, because I do not need to sift through my mind to think of details about you. They are lying peacefully in my memory. But I wish you remember more. You indeed.
It is lucky to have a friend sharing your past, and cherishing that shared part. People can be put into different worlds as time passes by, but that mutual memory links the world, so my "world" is not so different from your "world", and their "world".
About weather...
Believe that we are "special" enough to MAKE the day for others. I MAKE rain, and I MAKE sunshine (today's sunshine:)
Believe that we can always find reasons to be happy in any conditions we live in----just small things can bring out sunshine.
Believe that we have the "cheek" to let the cloud be blown away.
About time...
Keep counting, because we are all growing.
At different sections we meet different people, and we show them our different "selves" (since they are different). Never be scared by the time. It indeed gives you a crust like that on the refrigereated cake, but time is a beautiful thing if you just "tickle" it and it "giggles" for you.
Things cannot be reversed, so always be contented that they happened as they did, and be sorry if you have any inclination to condemn your past.
And get nervous~especially when time rewinds and we see people in our past----VERY past. It is the most beautiful evidence that we still care about them, a lot.
To end...
What a great past I have!
When I was still the tiny girl in the denim trousers, helpless and fluttered I believe, and the game "three-letter-word" was going on and I was "rescued" by my good friend.
When I was still the naive girl I was trapped in the riddle----"can neither go up nor down". Isn't it "卡"?
When the SARS broke out, I was on a mission with others to make collages and encourage the public to combat the disease by giving out leaflets on the streets. I went through that special training saying "保镖" ten times on end (try it! you'll get your tongue twisted!) And I was one of the consultants; my good friend was the other:)
When my first graduation drew near, ways began to separate, once and for ever. We were never on the same track again, but we have since then been making changes, big ones and small ones, to our lives.
When after five years, we talk about our past again. It sounds sentimental, but we are all "maturally sentimental", so it sounds fine.
About future...
We will be adults, soon. I expect it as much as my friend does.
We will still be in two worlds, but we are going to enjoy a higher degree of freedom that age grants us.
We will become lifelong pals:)
And hopefully we will attend each other's weddings:)
So there is a lot to be looked forward to.
Let's get nervous soon;P
Past is a myth, a sweet myth. It is a great feeling that sometimes this myth can unfold right in front of you, to remind you that part of your life is still retrenched in your heart, forever and always.
I believe there is nothing in the world more fabulous than being missed, being waited, and being marked as "special". I am fortunate to find such a friend.
Not "find". I know my friend has always been there for me--we've known each other for eleven years. (Good age, we're about to be adults) Sharing some anecdotes after five years may be the most heartwarming way of remembering our past, making it alive, and reliving it again. We all need the time and the mood to reminisce. It is therapeutic.
About memories...
I have half a piece. You have half a piece. Together we make it a whole.
Maybe I remember more about you, because I do not need to sift through my mind to think of details about you. They are lying peacefully in my memory. But I wish you remember more. You indeed.
It is lucky to have a friend sharing your past, and cherishing that shared part. People can be put into different worlds as time passes by, but that mutual memory links the world, so my "world" is not so different from your "world", and their "world".
About weather...
Believe that we are "special" enough to MAKE the day for others. I MAKE rain, and I MAKE sunshine (today's sunshine:)
Believe that we can always find reasons to be happy in any conditions we live in----just small things can bring out sunshine.
Believe that we have the "cheek" to let the cloud be blown away.
About time...
Keep counting, because we are all growing.
At different sections we meet different people, and we show them our different "selves" (since they are different). Never be scared by the time. It indeed gives you a crust like that on the refrigereated cake, but time is a beautiful thing if you just "tickle" it and it "giggles" for you.
Things cannot be reversed, so always be contented that they happened as they did, and be sorry if you have any inclination to condemn your past.
And get nervous~especially when time rewinds and we see people in our past----VERY past. It is the most beautiful evidence that we still care about them, a lot.
To end...
What a great past I have!
When I was still the tiny girl in the denim trousers, helpless and fluttered I believe, and the game "three-letter-word" was going on and I was "rescued" by my good friend.
When I was still the naive girl I was trapped in the riddle----"can neither go up nor down". Isn't it "卡"?
When the SARS broke out, I was on a mission with others to make collages and encourage the public to combat the disease by giving out leaflets on the streets. I went through that special training saying "保镖" ten times on end (try it! you'll get your tongue twisted!) And I was one of the consultants; my good friend was the other:)
When my first graduation drew near, ways began to separate, once and for ever. We were never on the same track again, but we have since then been making changes, big ones and small ones, to our lives.
When after five years, we talk about our past again. It sounds sentimental, but we are all "maturally sentimental", so it sounds fine.
About future...
We will be adults, soon. I expect it as much as my friend does.
We will still be in two worlds, but we are going to enjoy a higher degree of freedom that age grants us.
We will become lifelong pals:)
And hopefully we will attend each other's weddings:)
So there is a lot to be looked forward to.
Let's get nervous soon;P
Monday, September 21, 2009
To Lv
You sound tired. Life must be tough for you. Indeed, we at the ease here can only feel a fraction of the stress that you are dealing with, the grappling with your future directions, and all the unknowns(x, y, z.etc).
I can envision your conditions now. Can you believe it? I paid a visit to your school two years ago. Yeah, the new building in the suburb. You mentioned Tao Yuanming's poem about the country life. I can relate to that. It must feel like being part of a great mission for you, tending to your own life, fighting for your future, and having your own way that looks both promising and uncertain. All out of your own, away from the shelter of your parents.
I understand your stress, and feel heartened that you get along with it.
You mentioned "loneliness", and to "love your loneliness". Great thinking! What I feel now is a bit ashamed that I am too used to the ease and comfort here and the surety of my future that I almost forget about all the hardship that I should and could have faced. Comfort has softened me up, I think. Even when you talk about the chilly drizzle there I could shudder involuntarily...Here I am too used to the sunshine. Sunshine does a lot of good to the skin but it weakens my endurance to harshness, which I think you can deal with it now much better than me.
Indeed. That is how lives are different for us. I remember last time you asked me to write informally. I did try but here comes your serious letter. It really rings a bell in me about what you are going through. Suffice to say that as long as you feel happy about your life, I am greatly relieved:)
Now maybe some really light anecdotes can lighten you up, and it would be great if I could unburden you. You know, I still keep that "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" you gave me on Primary 6 sports meeting on my bookshelf. And once you drew a distorted scorpion and used a "flies pat" to crush it. You always wrote "nasty" things on my wish cards, and even the parting message...You copied mine word for word...
And I didn't blame you for all that, and I will never. You must be growing up really fast...(haha)I just hope I can grow just as fast. Being abroad for the first year was a terrible bittersweet experience, but for the second year, I am getting the hang of it, and I feel at ease. Maybe adaptation itself is another form of maturity? I hope so.
I 'll contact you when I return. Now it's time to say "regards". Zhengzhou is chilly now, right? So take good care of your skin. Wash your face with algae salt (if possible) and I hope no more pimples on your face?:D
Friend from Afar
L.Z.
I can envision your conditions now. Can you believe it? I paid a visit to your school two years ago. Yeah, the new building in the suburb. You mentioned Tao Yuanming's poem about the country life. I can relate to that. It must feel like being part of a great mission for you, tending to your own life, fighting for your future, and having your own way that looks both promising and uncertain. All out of your own, away from the shelter of your parents.
I understand your stress, and feel heartened that you get along with it.
You mentioned "loneliness", and to "love your loneliness". Great thinking! What I feel now is a bit ashamed that I am too used to the ease and comfort here and the surety of my future that I almost forget about all the hardship that I should and could have faced. Comfort has softened me up, I think. Even when you talk about the chilly drizzle there I could shudder involuntarily...Here I am too used to the sunshine. Sunshine does a lot of good to the skin but it weakens my endurance to harshness, which I think you can deal with it now much better than me.
Indeed. That is how lives are different for us. I remember last time you asked me to write informally. I did try but here comes your serious letter. It really rings a bell in me about what you are going through. Suffice to say that as long as you feel happy about your life, I am greatly relieved:)
Now maybe some really light anecdotes can lighten you up, and it would be great if I could unburden you. You know, I still keep that "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" you gave me on Primary 6 sports meeting on my bookshelf. And once you drew a distorted scorpion and used a "flies pat" to crush it. You always wrote "nasty" things on my wish cards, and even the parting message...You copied mine word for word...
And I didn't blame you for all that, and I will never. You must be growing up really fast...(haha)I just hope I can grow just as fast. Being abroad for the first year was a terrible bittersweet experience, but for the second year, I am getting the hang of it, and I feel at ease. Maybe adaptation itself is another form of maturity? I hope so.
I 'll contact you when I return. Now it's time to say "regards". Zhengzhou is chilly now, right? So take good care of your skin. Wash your face with algae salt (if possible) and I hope no more pimples on your face?:D
Friend from Afar
L.Z.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
"The Rose"
Some say love
It is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love
It is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love
It is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love
it is a flower
and you it's only seed
It's the heart
afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream
afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
It's the one
who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul
afraid of dying
that never learns to live
And the night
has been too lonely
and the road has been too long.
And you think
that love is only
for the lucky and the strong.
Just remember
in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
that with the sun's love,
in the spring, becomes "The Rose"
-----------Westlife
It is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love
It is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love
It is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love
it is a flower
and you it's only seed
It's the heart
afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream
afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
It's the one
who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul
afraid of dying
that never learns to live
And the night
has been too lonely
and the road has been too long.
And you think
that love is only
for the lucky and the strong.
Just remember
in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
that with the sun's love,
in the spring, becomes "The Rose"
-----------Westlife
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
How Fishy? (by Jasper Fforde)
(Something happened before, leading to this conversation between two SpecOp Officers)
"What do you think?"
"Fishy," said Bowden. "Very fishy. How could something like Cardenio (note: a long-lost manuscript by Shakespeare) turn up out of the blue?"
"How fishy on the fishiness scale?" I asked him. "Ten is a stickleback and one is a whale shark."
"A whale isn't a fish, Thursday (note: the female Officer's first name)."
"A whale shark is--sort of."
"All right, it's as fishy as a crayfish."
"A crayfish isn't a fish," I told him.
"A starfish, then."
"Still not a fish."
"A silverfish?"
"Try again."
"This is a very odd conversation, Thursday."
"I'm pulling your leg, Bowden."
---------From "Lost in a Good Book" by Jasper Fforde
"What do you think?"
"Fishy," said Bowden. "Very fishy. How could something like Cardenio (note: a long-lost manuscript by Shakespeare) turn up out of the blue?"
"How fishy on the fishiness scale?" I asked him. "Ten is a stickleback and one is a whale shark."
"A whale isn't a fish, Thursday (note: the female Officer's first name)."
"A whale shark is--sort of."
"All right, it's as fishy as a crayfish."
"A crayfish isn't a fish," I told him.
"A starfish, then."
"Still not a fish."
"A silverfish?"
"Try again."
"This is a very odd conversation, Thursday."
"I'm pulling your leg, Bowden."
---------From "Lost in a Good Book" by Jasper Fforde
Monday, August 10, 2009
Intact Illusion
"...There are two schools of thoughts about the resilience of time. The first is That time is highly volatile, with every small event altering the possible outcome of the earth's future. The other view is that time is rigid, and no matter how hard you try, it will always spring back towards a determined present. Myself, I do not worry about such trivialities. I simply sell ties to anyone who wants to buy one..."
Tie seller in Victoria, June 1983
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
"Fate" exists?!
A wondrous-sounding word can be totally fabulous and nebulous at the same time, like "fate".
Someone called it "magic".
It is kind of "fate" that the topic of "fate" can be brought up for three times within three days. What sparked off this discussion among us? What sent a tingling to our hearts?
It may be clad in the disguise of "chemistry" when fate revs in between lovers or just, close friends. Yet it is more often than not depicted as an obnoxious excuse for one's resignation to his or her failure, when one heaves a sigh:"It's my fate. Nothing to do about it."
May a wondrous-sounding word be more negative than positive to begin with? Or if it is so, is it its "fate"?
People past their prime years tend to believe in fate, after knowing that personal strength and perseverence have so little to do with the general "trend" along which the Earth is spinning. They believe that certain restrictions are unquestionable and unquestioned, that you can do nothing about it so you'd better make yourself scarce. They believe that though you know something is wrong and righteously should be corrected yet no possible forces can push along the change. They believe that there are certain things one can never aspire to, in the face of his or her fate.
These thoughts are bat off like annoying flies by young people. It is pessimistic! It is fatalistic!! Thus it is STUPID!!!
The only difference between the young and the old (apart from the degree of oxidation) is that the young have a brilliant future before them whilst the old have a brilliant future behind them. Maybe that is where the curb is, where there comes these two opposite sets of mind when "fate" is concerned.
Aspiring young people hate the word.
From this definition of the feature of the "young", I am, distressingly, not qualified to be one of them. Of course, I do not literally believe in "fate", like people who seek fortune tellers and palm readers do; and all my "superstitious behaviours" are restricted to doing some online quizzes about "who is your perfect match?" and publishing my "astrological sign" on Facebook or having unconsciously let my grandpa decide on my name based on "which of the five elements is missed in you".
But I never deny the existence of "fate", which someone alleges to be "chance", which I take in with a grain of salt.
You can be born rich or poor. Isn't that sort of the simplest form of the nebulous concept "fate"? How could you possibly know anything about it when you are just floating in the fabuous amniotic fluid in your mother's womb, licking fingers? You may say, parenthesis is not important, rich or poor, there are people who make a bonanza out of life against all odds----they changed their fates. But what is to say about those who are born paralysed or deformed due to his or her mother's gross neglect of pre-natal care, say, chain-smoking, or more heartrendingly, a child born with AIDS? What is that magical force that dumps them in the mishap, if not fate?
Again, it sounds pessimistic. Why blame something that you cannot control on "fate", and sit there crossing fingers instead of taking some concrete actions to "make a change"? It is a catch-phrase we all like, isn't it? "Change we can believe in" has become an adage which lit up many desperate Americans' lives in this horrendous economic torrent, hasn't it? Once I scribed it neatly on my whiteboard as a motivator, didn't I?
Aren't these testifying that people are by heart defying against their "fate"?
Not exactly.
Those who admit the presence of limitations and restrictions due to their fates are not necessarily those who strive for nothing and complain day after day in utter idleness. People can be back in the shackles over and over again without being deterred, but the shackle is there. There is no denying about that. You can be unfazed by it at all but it refrains you from going beyond the limit which is possible for the others who are limb-free. Of course, whether the others take the advantage of their merits or just waste them is another story. But given the same circumstances, we can say that one has a better "fate" than the other, a more promising destiny laid ahead.
We live in a world with rules binding us. The rules are set favouring a certain group of people, yet disadvantageous to the other, though in a certain system of so-called "relative fairness". This "relativity" is where the gap is, maybe not a big one, but certainly one that can be felt. Admitting to "fate" is not equivalent to succumbing to it, nor is it comparable with "restricting the dimension of your dream", since in the first place, the dimension of your dream is pre-restricted. If you want to go beyond the boundaries, go ahead. But the extra work against odds is needed.
That is the objectivity and authenticity of fate.
That is how fabulous the nebulous concept can be. However, there is another form of fate that I believe everyone (except those serious-cum-realistic jerks) wants to acknowlege its existence----the fate of love (given that the love is not founded on materialistic needs or carnal desires). Certain people meet and fit in each other like jig-saw puzzles; they just look at each other and know that they are M.F.E.O. (made for each other). And they attribute it to a certain "magic", of which I am more than willing to acknowledge, too.
Still not convinced?
Still feeling ambitious to change your situation, which according to you has nothing to do with your fate?
Here comes the final touch to give my preaching of "fate" a tone of finality.
Those admirably tenacious souls, if you want to fight against the odds and believe that nothing is more overwhelming than one's will power, go ahead to desire and aspire and change your "situation" (not fate, see?) I believe the hard work will be paid of due to this rule of "universe":
"If you aspires something too much, the whole universe will conspire to help you."
But after all, even if that is true, isn't it "fate"?:P
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, for those who want to explore more about the "fate of love" or that peculiar "chemistry", I strongly recommend you to watch the movie "Sleepless in Seattle". It weaves part of the tapestry about the "love magic".
Someone called it "magic".
It is kind of "fate" that the topic of "fate" can be brought up for three times within three days. What sparked off this discussion among us? What sent a tingling to our hearts?
It may be clad in the disguise of "chemistry" when fate revs in between lovers or just, close friends. Yet it is more often than not depicted as an obnoxious excuse for one's resignation to his or her failure, when one heaves a sigh:"It's my fate. Nothing to do about it."
May a wondrous-sounding word be more negative than positive to begin with? Or if it is so, is it its "fate"?
People past their prime years tend to believe in fate, after knowing that personal strength and perseverence have so little to do with the general "trend" along which the Earth is spinning. They believe that certain restrictions are unquestionable and unquestioned, that you can do nothing about it so you'd better make yourself scarce. They believe that though you know something is wrong and righteously should be corrected yet no possible forces can push along the change. They believe that there are certain things one can never aspire to, in the face of his or her fate.
These thoughts are bat off like annoying flies by young people. It is pessimistic! It is fatalistic!! Thus it is STUPID!!!
The only difference between the young and the old (apart from the degree of oxidation) is that the young have a brilliant future before them whilst the old have a brilliant future behind them. Maybe that is where the curb is, where there comes these two opposite sets of mind when "fate" is concerned.
Aspiring young people hate the word.
From this definition of the feature of the "young", I am, distressingly, not qualified to be one of them. Of course, I do not literally believe in "fate", like people who seek fortune tellers and palm readers do; and all my "superstitious behaviours" are restricted to doing some online quizzes about "who is your perfect match?" and publishing my "astrological sign" on Facebook or having unconsciously let my grandpa decide on my name based on "which of the five elements is missed in you".
But I never deny the existence of "fate", which someone alleges to be "chance", which I take in with a grain of salt.
You can be born rich or poor. Isn't that sort of the simplest form of the nebulous concept "fate"? How could you possibly know anything about it when you are just floating in the fabuous amniotic fluid in your mother's womb, licking fingers? You may say, parenthesis is not important, rich or poor, there are people who make a bonanza out of life against all odds----they changed their fates. But what is to say about those who are born paralysed or deformed due to his or her mother's gross neglect of pre-natal care, say, chain-smoking, or more heartrendingly, a child born with AIDS? What is that magical force that dumps them in the mishap, if not fate?
Again, it sounds pessimistic. Why blame something that you cannot control on "fate", and sit there crossing fingers instead of taking some concrete actions to "make a change"? It is a catch-phrase we all like, isn't it? "Change we can believe in" has become an adage which lit up many desperate Americans' lives in this horrendous economic torrent, hasn't it? Once I scribed it neatly on my whiteboard as a motivator, didn't I?
Aren't these testifying that people are by heart defying against their "fate"?
Not exactly.
Those who admit the presence of limitations and restrictions due to their fates are not necessarily those who strive for nothing and complain day after day in utter idleness. People can be back in the shackles over and over again without being deterred, but the shackle is there. There is no denying about that. You can be unfazed by it at all but it refrains you from going beyond the limit which is possible for the others who are limb-free. Of course, whether the others take the advantage of their merits or just waste them is another story. But given the same circumstances, we can say that one has a better "fate" than the other, a more promising destiny laid ahead.
We live in a world with rules binding us. The rules are set favouring a certain group of people, yet disadvantageous to the other, though in a certain system of so-called "relative fairness". This "relativity" is where the gap is, maybe not a big one, but certainly one that can be felt. Admitting to "fate" is not equivalent to succumbing to it, nor is it comparable with "restricting the dimension of your dream", since in the first place, the dimension of your dream is pre-restricted. If you want to go beyond the boundaries, go ahead. But the extra work against odds is needed.
That is the objectivity and authenticity of fate.
That is how fabulous the nebulous concept can be. However, there is another form of fate that I believe everyone (except those serious-cum-realistic jerks) wants to acknowlege its existence----the fate of love (given that the love is not founded on materialistic needs or carnal desires). Certain people meet and fit in each other like jig-saw puzzles; they just look at each other and know that they are M.F.E.O. (made for each other). And they attribute it to a certain "magic", of which I am more than willing to acknowledge, too.
Still not convinced?
Still feeling ambitious to change your situation, which according to you has nothing to do with your fate?
Here comes the final touch to give my preaching of "fate" a tone of finality.
Those admirably tenacious souls, if you want to fight against the odds and believe that nothing is more overwhelming than one's will power, go ahead to desire and aspire and change your "situation" (not fate, see?) I believe the hard work will be paid of due to this rule of "universe":
"If you aspires something too much, the whole universe will conspire to help you."
But after all, even if that is true, isn't it "fate"?:P
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, for those who want to explore more about the "fate of love" or that peculiar "chemistry", I strongly recommend you to watch the movie "Sleepless in Seattle". It weaves part of the tapestry about the "love magic".
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