Each human being is born as something unique, something that never existed before. Each person is born with what he needs to win at life. A normal person can see, hear, touch, taste, and think for himself. Each has his own unique potentials----his capabilities and limitations. Each can be an important, thinking, aware, and creatively productive person in his own right---a winner.
(Maybe the most difficult task in one's life is to find that "unique potential" and stretch it with passion. )
The words “winner” and “loser” have many meanings. When we refer to a person as a winner, we do not mean one who defeats the other person by dominating and making him lose. Instead a winner is one who responds genuinely by being trustworthy and responsive, both as an individual and as a member of a society. A loser is one who fails to respond genuinely.
(It is an unconventional definition for both... Can genuineness be trained, cultured, or moulded through education?)
Few people are winners or losers all the time. It’s a matter of degree. However, once a person has the capacity to be a winner, his chances are greater for becoming even more so.
Achievement is not the most important thing for winners; genuineness is. The genuine person realizes his own uniqueness and appreciates the uniqueness of others.
A winner is not afraid to do his own thinking and to use his own knowledge. He can separate facts from opinion and doesn’t pretend to have all the answers. He listens to others, evaluates what they say, but comes to his own conclusions.
(Sadly, a normal person's conclusion is inevitably influenced by the mass, put in a premeditated mould, and shaped like what the mass perceive as the "wise choice".)
A winner is flexible. He does not have to respond in known, rigid ways. He can change his plans when the situation calls for it. A winner has a love for life:). He enjoys work, play, food, other people, and the world of nature. Without guilt he enjoys his own accomplishments. Without envy he enjoys the accomplishments of others.
A winner cares about the world and its people. He is not separated from the general problems of society. He tries to improve the quality of life. Even in the face of national and international difficulty, he does not see himself as helpless. He does what he can to make the world a better place.
(It demands vision and courage to do these, which are what distinguish real winners from the others, who are usually daunted by the "great mission" or, just abandon it for convenience's sake.)
Although people are born to win, they are also born totally dependent on their environment. Winners successfully make the change from dependence to independence, losers do not.
Somewhere along the line losers begin to avoid becoming independent. This usually begins in childhood. Poor nutrition, cruelty, unhappy relationships, disease, continuing disappointments, and inadequate physical care are among the many experiences that contribute to making people losers.
A loser is held back by his low capacity to appropriately express himself through a full range of possible behavior. He may be unaware of other choices for his life if the path he chooses goes nowhere. He is afraid to try new things. He repeats not only his own mistakes and often repeats those of his family and culture.
A loser has difficulty giving and receiving love. He does not enter into close, honest, direct relationships with others. Instead, he tries to manipulate them into living up to his expectations and channels his energies into living up to their expectations.
(Hmm, a real challenge in modern world as social network is getting more and more complicated. It is the ultimate difficulty when the world is made up of people running on different tracks, to better and to worse...hard to monitor...but maybe that's why we need the inspiration to transform, bit by bit.)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sir Bertrand Russell's Ten Commandments
1. Do not feel absolutely certain of anything.
2. Do not think it worthwhile to produce belief by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light.
3. Never try to discourage thinking, for you are sure to succeed.
4. When you meet with opposition, even if it is from your family, endeavour to overcome it with argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.
5. Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found.
6. Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do, the opinions will suppress you.
7. Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
8. Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent than in passive agreement, for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter.
9. Be scrupulously truthful even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.
10. Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool’s paradise, for only a fool will think that is happiness.
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In retrospect, I am far below the standard mentioned aforehand as a critical thinker. It is time to desert all those illusions and live for a tangible aim. A fool's paradise should be averted, and I must not mince my words to stay unwavered by temptations around me, for the truth is----one needs to confront and conquer one's weakness, which is the process of METAMOPHOSIS, or as it is called by most people, "tranformation".
2. Do not think it worthwhile to produce belief by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light.
3. Never try to discourage thinking, for you are sure to succeed.
4. When you meet with opposition, even if it is from your family, endeavour to overcome it with argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.
5. Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found.
6. Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do, the opinions will suppress you.
7. Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
8. Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent than in passive agreement, for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter.
9. Be scrupulously truthful even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.
10. Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool’s paradise, for only a fool will think that is happiness.
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In retrospect, I am far below the standard mentioned aforehand as a critical thinker. It is time to desert all those illusions and live for a tangible aim. A fool's paradise should be averted, and I must not mince my words to stay unwavered by temptations around me, for the truth is----one needs to confront and conquer one's weakness, which is the process of METAMOPHOSIS, or as it is called by most people, "tranformation".
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Fathers' Day "Beach Walk"
It is one of the typical Sunday afternoons that drives me sleepy; yet there is special programme going on. It was really a nice afternoon spent at Paya Lebar, then East Coast Park with sis, Wendy and Dr. Foo. The calendar tells me it is Fathers' Day, but it seems that today it is Daughters' Day, since we are treated so well:) The weather was fine, extremely suitable for a walk with only wisps of clouds in the sky, so we wandered in the East Coast Park after a rich meal at Paya Lebar, sipping grass jelly and eating coconut meat while talking from "211" to "Wen Jiabao".
We four are the most interesting gang----straight, passionate, flexible and FUN. There are almost no secrets between us, and our jokes are never "cold". This rapport draws us together so naturally that our conversation is always dotted with tidbits of joy and humour that keep us laughing at heart.
There were so many people on the beach, camping, cycling or building sand castles. We were the random roamers. Wendy is forever energetic and fun-loving. Dr. Foo is an expert raconteur, rhetoric, observant and versatile----most importantly, objectively subjective. Sis is easy-going, friendly to everybody, laughing at every joke. I am, you know... a composite of rationalist and daredevil who makes a superb partner to share fun with:P
The sand kept running into our shoes so later we walked barefoot. What a comical scene to see the three of us tiptoeing on the scalding sand, holding three pairs of interesting-looking shoes! Beside us, the "Adidas King" kept shouting "watch out for the glass", and we all laughed our heart out.
Last but not least, we packed Nyonya snacks home. The little cake made me reminisce of Chinese cake houses, and my sis and I devoured the whole package within five minutes~By the way, the aroma of the salt-baked chicken really made us drool, but only the scent itself was enough to make me full:)
Miss Easy-going, Adidas King and Miss Mixture!
"Post-90 Generation" TRIO~
The amazing sand castle unfazed by the wind, rain, and, if there is any, snow. (not built by us)
Breathe in the sea air, and SMILE:D
We four are the most interesting gang----straight, passionate, flexible and FUN. There are almost no secrets between us, and our jokes are never "cold". This rapport draws us together so naturally that our conversation is always dotted with tidbits of joy and humour that keep us laughing at heart.
There were so many people on the beach, camping, cycling or building sand castles. We were the random roamers. Wendy is forever energetic and fun-loving. Dr. Foo is an expert raconteur, rhetoric, observant and versatile----most importantly, objectively subjective. Sis is easy-going, friendly to everybody, laughing at every joke. I am, you know... a composite of rationalist and daredevil who makes a superb partner to share fun with:P
The sand kept running into our shoes so later we walked barefoot. What a comical scene to see the three of us tiptoeing on the scalding sand, holding three pairs of interesting-looking shoes! Beside us, the "Adidas King" kept shouting "watch out for the glass", and we all laughed our heart out.
Last but not least, we packed Nyonya snacks home. The little cake made me reminisce of Chinese cake houses, and my sis and I devoured the whole package within five minutes~By the way, the aroma of the salt-baked chicken really made us drool, but only the scent itself was enough to make me full:)
Miss Easy-going, Adidas King and Miss Mixture!
"Post-90 Generation" TRIO~
The amazing sand castle unfazed by the wind, rain, and, if there is any, snow. (not built by us)
Breathe in the sea air, and SMILE:D
Friday, June 19, 2009
Hope Ahead
O level is ruling...
and it desires to be the sole ruler....
so I shall let it be...
at least for now...
Finally I realize that time is the real master of the whole world. It never stops running, keeping our mind, heart and actions revolving around it. It is both a gift and a privilege----a treasure when it is wisely spent and a waste when it is left to slip away. More than once, the revelation that time is "out of stock" strikes me as a ultimatum, blasting me into awareness that it is not yet late to "make a change"----many people can do it; many people have done it; and many people are still doing it. Why can't I be one of them, or joining them as one of the warriors who fight and survive the strike?
Multi-tasking is my prowess, yet it is failing me recently. A good juggler is not naturally born to do wonders, and my stunts are now becoming parodies. I try as usual to divide my attention to several different areas only to find that they are all severed and detached, no longer intact as before. So I collect those pieces and sew them together. It feels better then, though at the cost of my efficiency. The unfathomable natures of quantity and quality make them look like the antipodes of the same magnet, always attracting each other yet will never meet. When trying to strike a balance by hitting the midpoint, you find the middle part of the magnet the least magnetised... You are trapped at the bottleneck, like everyone else.
Like me.
Two days more and I will zero in on my homework, a daunting, gruelling yet practically achievable task. These two days are my last chance in this holiday to amend my loopholes. After this, hopefully all my dormant energy will be exerted on those "yet to be chartered territories".
I'm intrepid in the face of challenges, so there is always hope ahead hidden in the darkest, coldest and even the most inhospitable corner, buried deep inside, waiting to be exhumed.
I shall let it see the sunlight.
and it desires to be the sole ruler....
so I shall let it be...
at least for now...
Finally I realize that time is the real master of the whole world. It never stops running, keeping our mind, heart and actions revolving around it. It is both a gift and a privilege----a treasure when it is wisely spent and a waste when it is left to slip away. More than once, the revelation that time is "out of stock" strikes me as a ultimatum, blasting me into awareness that it is not yet late to "make a change"----many people can do it; many people have done it; and many people are still doing it. Why can't I be one of them, or joining them as one of the warriors who fight and survive the strike?
Multi-tasking is my prowess, yet it is failing me recently. A good juggler is not naturally born to do wonders, and my stunts are now becoming parodies. I try as usual to divide my attention to several different areas only to find that they are all severed and detached, no longer intact as before. So I collect those pieces and sew them together. It feels better then, though at the cost of my efficiency. The unfathomable natures of quantity and quality make them look like the antipodes of the same magnet, always attracting each other yet will never meet. When trying to strike a balance by hitting the midpoint, you find the middle part of the magnet the least magnetised... You are trapped at the bottleneck, like everyone else.
Like me.
Two days more and I will zero in on my homework, a daunting, gruelling yet practically achievable task. These two days are my last chance in this holiday to amend my loopholes. After this, hopefully all my dormant energy will be exerted on those "yet to be chartered territories".
I'm intrepid in the face of challenges, so there is always hope ahead hidden in the darkest, coldest and even the most inhospitable corner, buried deep inside, waiting to be exhumed.
I shall let it see the sunlight.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Swim against the Tide
There are only two weeks left for my holiday. Recently I have experienced too much, and really realise that everyone of us needs to decide upon our preferences. There are just so many choices around us, and we are spolt for choice. A holiday with its end looming can be really threatening, though during which I also seek solace and peace in mind. A holiday indeed slows one's life pace and moulds a person, if not allows for self-indulgence.
During the left days of my holiday, I will have to make a diagnosis on my current weaknesses and really persevere to conquer them one by one. There is really very little time left, and it is a one-directional way----there is no turning back, neither is there room for remorse.
Learning to choose one's preferences is really life a complicated math problem, and I hope I have got the right answer~
I will swim forever in this expansive sea that I see no ends. I believe that one day, sooner or later, I will reach my shore, see my lighthouse, sail on my boat, and enjoy every bit of the sea life.
Jia you! Let's swim together:D
During the left days of my holiday, I will have to make a diagnosis on my current weaknesses and really persevere to conquer them one by one. There is really very little time left, and it is a one-directional way----there is no turning back, neither is there room for remorse.
Learning to choose one's preferences is really life a complicated math problem, and I hope I have got the right answer~
I will swim forever in this expansive sea that I see no ends. I believe that one day, sooner or later, I will reach my shore, see my lighthouse, sail on my boat, and enjoy every bit of the sea life.
Jia you! Let's swim together:D
Friday, June 12, 2009
Good Days
Many good things happened in these good days.
First of all, I want to congratulate myself on finishing so many novels:) In the past few weeks, I just had the impression that I was all eased up and relaxed, without doing anything in particular. But a recalling of the books I have read really astounded me. It was quite an anticipated yet unrealised shock. Due to the MYEs, I had to break off in my reading of John Nash's biography "A Beautiful Mind"(also a motion picture directed by the same director of "Angels and Demons"). However, the broken chain was relinked soon after MYE and I managed to finish other books like "The Appeal", "The Curious Incidents of A Dog at Nighttime", "The Alchemist", "A Christmas Carol", and now I am reading two of my favourite pieces: Sebastien Japricot's "A Very Long Engagement" and Amy Tan's "Kitchen God's Wife".
Basically these books are used to serve different purposes. Serious pieces like biography, novels on justice, spiritual purification, war and family are to be perused carefully and thought hard on; while leisure pieces like mysteries, thrillers and abridged/illustrated versions of classics are to
be scanned through. These reading periods are really the best moments in a day. Though I often felt extremely sleepy in the morning when reading story books, now I really cherish those times when I could read, carefree. Now, I still have other books on shelves to read, like "Neither Here nor There", "The Lovely Bones", Roald Dahl's short story collection "Omnibus", "The Day after Tomorrow" etc. I also want to reread Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights" and "Harry Potter 6"
since the movie will be coming soon, and Nora Roberts' a few books. Maybe I just do not have much time left to read, since I cannot totally ignore my tons of homework, especially science and humanities papers----I just cannot squeeze them all into the last week and sweep through them like a panda-eyed, dreamy-looked Superwoman. Moreover, I am still waiting for my ulcers to fully recover so I can pracitise my oral soon.
Another good thing that has been happening only recently is that I have rekindled my writing habits:) Due to the MYE----seems that it was the end of all good things----my writing portfolio was stagnant for almost one whole month! These two days, since I have no "outing obligations", I am able to find time to write something:) What a relief to see that my portfolio will be "fattening"
soon! Many good stories have been compiled, which make me feel really good.
The final "good thing" we can all take with a grain of salt: I manage to read some chapters in science textbooks. This is, of course, another self-imposed task that helps nothing in my tons of homework. I only hope that it will adapt me better in the upcoming semester.
By now, good things can continue to happen till the last week of June Holiday looms----by then I will be struck by all those unfulfilled homework. Hopefully I will exert myself to at least cover all the challenging topics.
Hmm, I shall cherish and enjoy these few good days, in case they ellapse too soon.
First of all, I want to congratulate myself on finishing so many novels:) In the past few weeks, I just had the impression that I was all eased up and relaxed, without doing anything in particular. But a recalling of the books I have read really astounded me. It was quite an anticipated yet unrealised shock. Due to the MYEs, I had to break off in my reading of John Nash's biography "A Beautiful Mind"(also a motion picture directed by the same director of "Angels and Demons"). However, the broken chain was relinked soon after MYE and I managed to finish other books like "The Appeal", "The Curious Incidents of A Dog at Nighttime", "The Alchemist", "A Christmas Carol", and now I am reading two of my favourite pieces: Sebastien Japricot's "A Very Long Engagement" and Amy Tan's "Kitchen God's Wife".
Basically these books are used to serve different purposes. Serious pieces like biography, novels on justice, spiritual purification, war and family are to be perused carefully and thought hard on; while leisure pieces like mysteries, thrillers and abridged/illustrated versions of classics are to
be scanned through. These reading periods are really the best moments in a day. Though I often felt extremely sleepy in the morning when reading story books, now I really cherish those times when I could read, carefree. Now, I still have other books on shelves to read, like "Neither Here nor There", "The Lovely Bones", Roald Dahl's short story collection "Omnibus", "The Day after Tomorrow" etc. I also want to reread Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights" and "Harry Potter 6"
since the movie will be coming soon, and Nora Roberts' a few books. Maybe I just do not have much time left to read, since I cannot totally ignore my tons of homework, especially science and humanities papers----I just cannot squeeze them all into the last week and sweep through them like a panda-eyed, dreamy-looked Superwoman. Moreover, I am still waiting for my ulcers to fully recover so I can pracitise my oral soon.
Another good thing that has been happening only recently is that I have rekindled my writing habits:) Due to the MYE----seems that it was the end of all good things----my writing portfolio was stagnant for almost one whole month! These two days, since I have no "outing obligations", I am able to find time to write something:) What a relief to see that my portfolio will be "fattening"
soon! Many good stories have been compiled, which make me feel really good.
The final "good thing" we can all take with a grain of salt: I manage to read some chapters in science textbooks. This is, of course, another self-imposed task that helps nothing in my tons of homework. I only hope that it will adapt me better in the upcoming semester.
By now, good things can continue to happen till the last week of June Holiday looms----by then I will be struck by all those unfulfilled homework. Hopefully I will exert myself to at least cover all the challenging topics.
Hmm, I shall cherish and enjoy these few good days, in case they ellapse too soon.
When we two Parted
George Gordon Byron
When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this!
The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.
They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o’er me--
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee
Who knew thee too well:
long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.
In secret we met--
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After living year,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.
They parted in the cold rain,
tears sluicing down,
flanking their cheeks.
She told a lie,
He took it for real--
it took all the anguish to get over,
all the sufferings to,
retrieve the old love.
He hurled her love away,
discarding it as if--
he didn't mind it anymore.
Yet he was betraying his heart.
So did she.
The stalemate stood,
unbroken,
until the muse blew upon them,
Inspiration, and,
Courage,
that they faced the truth,
that the knot was unknotted.
When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this!
The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.
They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o’er me--
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee
Who knew thee too well:
long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.
In secret we met--
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After living year,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.
They parted in the cold rain,
tears sluicing down,
flanking their cheeks.
She told a lie,
He took it for real--
it took all the anguish to get over,
all the sufferings to,
retrieve the old love.
He hurled her love away,
discarding it as if--
he didn't mind it anymore.
Yet he was betraying his heart.
So did she.
The stalemate stood,
unbroken,
until the muse blew upon them,
Inspiration, and,
Courage,
that they faced the truth,
that the knot was unknotted.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Cluster Outing
Incontestable Cluster 5B!
Becky's shirt, Oh My God has the symbol of Illuminati!
Becky's shirt, Oh My God has the symbol of Illuminati!
It has been a tired day-out, with the most enjoyable episode today being the movie "Angels and Demons" at Vivo. It was released last month, yet only recently we could have time to watch it. Just the movie reviews published online were enough to whet my appetite. Adapted from Dan Brown's novel, "Angels and Demons" is yet another majestic work on mystery and religion, recalling the ancient time when different religious clans fought and sought retribution. This movie is not that simple, though.
Setting in the modern era, the beginning was spectacular with the formation of antimatter and the murder of Sylvano, Vetra's colleague who worked for Collider. The underground secret society Illuminati threatened to be "alive" and "in action" to avenge the past brutal actions of Catholic Church in Vatican. A video and a graphical sign of Illuminati were sent by the kidnapper, declaring the imminent deaths of the four candidates (Red Cardinals), who were supposed to succeed the late Pope. Dr. Langdon, the renowned symbolist was summoned to solve the puzzle and save the city. A breathtaking pursue mingled with faith, betrayal, hatred, suspicion and death began, with the Camerlengo and Commander Ritcher of Swiss Guard "assisted" them.
Since I only read the synopsis of the film before, which mercifully concealed the exact ending of the story, I was quite amazed at the final twist featuring the "great hero"----the presumably bright, virtuous and faithful Carmerlengo. The double-climax worked, but with a little fault since it did not reveal more about the motive of "the Demon".
With quite mixed feelings after the movie, we went dining in Vivo. Our boarding assistant, three Thai girls and two of us went to eat Sushi Tei; the rest of just had some noddles and rice, since we were not actually very hungry. After eating, Lisa and Candy went to Mini Toons to buy sweets. I was so dramatic in the shop, taking the orange flavoured, strawberry flavoured, raspberry flavoured, teeth-gum-shaped, cola-bottle-shaped and kiss-shaped candies and some mashmallows in a bag, then suddenly fell for the delicate phone accessories and decided not to buy those fattening "teeth gums", "cola bottles" and "kisses". What a job I had to do to put back all those candies in the boxes! Thankfully I got my four-leaved clover and the zodiac strap:D
We took No.188 home. I was with Nana and Becky in the end while the rest took the MRT. Becky was very charismatic, she made a superb racontour by telling us the synopsis of "Bella and Edward" series from "Twilight" to "Breaking Down"----Nana and I were completely entranced:P Even now I was amazed that anyone actually paid attention to the road signs that we did not over-sit for our stop.
A great outing today, but I cannot always be pampered like this, so I wish for some harshness in the next few weeks:P
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
When Joy becomes a Burden
Last week went past like a burning fire, so fast that when I looked again at my calendar, I was shocked to a certain degree. One is easy to be burdened with emptiness when one looks at his or her calendar, as if life has been wheeling away without any work being done. Every day has passed so painstakingly. Is it just an illusion? I hope so. Otherwise I cannot conjure up how to expound that busy and tired days can end up in emptiness.
For most of the last week, I was on appointments, here, there and everywhere. Outings are so pampering and torturing at the same time. I tried to savour the joy yet tasted only burden. Is it that I do not know how to cherish joy? Not really. Maybe it is habitual of highly realistic people to prioritise what they should prioritise and place "joy" at second fiddle when time is wheeling out. Fortunately and unfortunately, I am highly realistic. Thus pampering can become sort of torture.
Presently I am taking too many committments: writing the report for NHBT, searching information on the forum, composing and editting correspondent editorial, being the chief editor of a book by 402, 406 and 411, attending Maths remedials, and intensive English remedials. These official obligations are dotted with cluster outing, church services, reception of parents from China, training camp, birthday celebrations, class outing and a few farewell parties. I like all these----when I am in any of the events, but when the multitude begins to thin, when another day breaks, when piles of homework lies haphazardly on my desk, undone, I cannot curb the silent panic within.
I do not dread homework. Year in year out, homework no longer dominates my study life. Assignment does. I used to delight in getting the "instant shock" when I pack my bag and suddenly find out a piece of homework undone. My mum never spared me a frowning look when that happened, which I took, god forbidden, as a bemused grimace. Now she is not here to monitor me, but the "instant shock"never ends. Sometimes in the phone, I would tell her lightheartedly that tomorrow we have to hand in a report and I have not yet laid my hands on it. She always threatens to hang up, but never really does. She knows me well----if a piece of homework worths doing, I will definitely put in all my efforts to finish it; if it is not necessary or to my priority, I postpone it with reason. This, of course, is very arbitrary, but thank goodness I never let it slip through as an excuse of procrastinating.
My holidays are numbered, and I feel burdened and empty at the same time. I haven't wasted my time though----every day has been so exhaustedly spent that the moment I touch bed, I snore. I look back at my days and see that though it seems that I have done nothing much, my achievements are indeed creditable. I put my priority right, I am working bearing in mind my weaknesses and the "Rule of the Lowest Panel in a Wooden Pail". I am indeed making a dash, though in a rather relaxed way.
Three week more and a new term shall begin. What will it be like to walk towards the Closure Day? To wave goodbye those good, fond days in Nan Hua? To face yet another graduation with both anticipation and a sense of----pity.
I am not green in that...I am used to walking out of a school, a graduated student. I need to use the time left to make sure that, the next time I walk out of a school, I must be happy and content with what I have achieved, without pity or regret.
It is a noble aim~~maybe not an easy one after all.
For most of the last week, I was on appointments, here, there and everywhere. Outings are so pampering and torturing at the same time. I tried to savour the joy yet tasted only burden. Is it that I do not know how to cherish joy? Not really. Maybe it is habitual of highly realistic people to prioritise what they should prioritise and place "joy" at second fiddle when time is wheeling out. Fortunately and unfortunately, I am highly realistic. Thus pampering can become sort of torture.
Presently I am taking too many committments: writing the report for NHBT, searching information on the forum, composing and editting correspondent editorial, being the chief editor of a book by 402, 406 and 411, attending Maths remedials, and intensive English remedials. These official obligations are dotted with cluster outing, church services, reception of parents from China, training camp, birthday celebrations, class outing and a few farewell parties. I like all these----when I am in any of the events, but when the multitude begins to thin, when another day breaks, when piles of homework lies haphazardly on my desk, undone, I cannot curb the silent panic within.
I do not dread homework. Year in year out, homework no longer dominates my study life. Assignment does. I used to delight in getting the "instant shock" when I pack my bag and suddenly find out a piece of homework undone. My mum never spared me a frowning look when that happened, which I took, god forbidden, as a bemused grimace. Now she is not here to monitor me, but the "instant shock"never ends. Sometimes in the phone, I would tell her lightheartedly that tomorrow we have to hand in a report and I have not yet laid my hands on it. She always threatens to hang up, but never really does. She knows me well----if a piece of homework worths doing, I will definitely put in all my efforts to finish it; if it is not necessary or to my priority, I postpone it with reason. This, of course, is very arbitrary, but thank goodness I never let it slip through as an excuse of procrastinating.
My holidays are numbered, and I feel burdened and empty at the same time. I haven't wasted my time though----every day has been so exhaustedly spent that the moment I touch bed, I snore. I look back at my days and see that though it seems that I have done nothing much, my achievements are indeed creditable. I put my priority right, I am working bearing in mind my weaknesses and the "Rule of the Lowest Panel in a Wooden Pail". I am indeed making a dash, though in a rather relaxed way.
Three week more and a new term shall begin. What will it be like to walk towards the Closure Day? To wave goodbye those good, fond days in Nan Hua? To face yet another graduation with both anticipation and a sense of----pity.
I am not green in that...I am used to walking out of a school, a graduated student. I need to use the time left to make sure that, the next time I walk out of a school, I must be happy and content with what I have achieved, without pity or regret.
It is a noble aim~~maybe not an easy one after all.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
VJ Nite @ Esplanade
In the belly of the "Durian" with Dr. Foo:D
The grand Esplanade theater!!!
The Ring 1 we sat in.
VJ Choir!!!
It was such an overwhelming night at Esplanade theatre, I was swept off my feet!
Victorians' well-acclaimed performance really aroused our respect and admiration for the school. Tonight, we saw a dynamic Victoria, a brooding site of future dream-pursuers.
It made you have an imperial feeling when sitting in that grand theatre with acoustic ceilings and sound-proof curtains. The dome-shaped ceiling and the gigantic chandeliar added to the great effect. It was in there where only internationally recognised actors and actresses could display their talents, hundreds of Victorians including the principal Mr Chan put up a wonderful performance with a combination of choir, symphony band, dance, drama, singing, and even magic shows! Some of the performers including emcees were ex-Victorians. On them, I see a rising generation of youth, full of dreams and vibrance. I am proud of them.
The most anticipated show was the song by VJ Choir, ranking No.7 in the world and consisting of a group of highly-talented, united and versatile youths. Following the Choir, VJ Band brought the night into its prime. Throughout the performance, VJ Band perfectly showed its breathtaking skills at playing all kinds of tunes. It actually contributed to almost all the accompaniments of the night's shows. There were quite a few highlights in the whole performance. The singing by the VJ alumini, 2006 Singapore Idol 2nd runner-up Jasmine Tye, the Piano Ensemble by four pianist, the Chinese song "Choice" by PVJ Mr Chan, the dance that had won the champion in Bacelona, the magic show by Magic Babe Ning and Wushu!
"Stunning" is the word~
However, my favourite pieces are not in the list. What drew my breath away were THE FOUR STRINGS OF CHANGE and THE GUITAR TRIO. In the "four strings of change", the composer atcually goes out of his way to combine chinese traditional instruments Gao Hu and Er Hu with western instruments Violin and Cello! The melodious tune really led me into another world. The joy was so great yet so ethereal. As for the "Guitar Trio", no matter it was classic guitar, electric guitar or bass, all the guitarist were doing a superb job. If only I can listen to that again.
Ok, the duty officer is driving us away, details next time.
Victorians' well-acclaimed performance really aroused our respect and admiration for the school. Tonight, we saw a dynamic Victoria, a brooding site of future dream-pursuers.
It made you have an imperial feeling when sitting in that grand theatre with acoustic ceilings and sound-proof curtains. The dome-shaped ceiling and the gigantic chandeliar added to the great effect. It was in there where only internationally recognised actors and actresses could display their talents, hundreds of Victorians including the principal Mr Chan put up a wonderful performance with a combination of choir, symphony band, dance, drama, singing, and even magic shows! Some of the performers including emcees were ex-Victorians. On them, I see a rising generation of youth, full of dreams and vibrance. I am proud of them.
The most anticipated show was the song by VJ Choir, ranking No.7 in the world and consisting of a group of highly-talented, united and versatile youths. Following the Choir, VJ Band brought the night into its prime. Throughout the performance, VJ Band perfectly showed its breathtaking skills at playing all kinds of tunes. It actually contributed to almost all the accompaniments of the night's shows. There were quite a few highlights in the whole performance. The singing by the VJ alumini, 2006 Singapore Idol 2nd runner-up Jasmine Tye, the Piano Ensemble by four pianist, the Chinese song "Choice" by PVJ Mr Chan, the dance that had won the champion in Bacelona, the magic show by Magic Babe Ning and Wushu!
"Stunning" is the word~
However, my favourite pieces are not in the list. What drew my breath away were THE FOUR STRINGS OF CHANGE and THE GUITAR TRIO. In the "four strings of change", the composer atcually goes out of his way to combine chinese traditional instruments Gao Hu and Er Hu with western instruments Violin and Cello! The melodious tune really led me into another world. The joy was so great yet so ethereal. As for the "Guitar Trio", no matter it was classic guitar, electric guitar or bass, all the guitarist were doing a superb job. If only I can listen to that again.
Ok, the duty officer is driving us away, details next time.
Influx
Victoria's and Maggie's mums arrived yesterday, which was an impressive influx with bags and bags of "supplement". It accentuated the fact that when parents meet children miles away, it is inevitable for them to fall prey to "insanity". There is, to be fair, nothing negative about it at all. I remember when last June holiday my parents visited, they were "as good as gold"! I could have any temper or play any tantrums or play any jokes on them and they literally appreciated it. A pair of flip-flops, clothes hangers, sprinkled plums, crackers, the foul smell of durian...anything could possibly spark off an incendiary discussion.
Thinking back, I am still quite awed by my father's forever "cool and steady" style. Being a lawyer, he could always master his emotions well and "think logically". When my sister and I were tossling them all around the island, confounding them with floods of information, straining every ounce of energy to divert their attention from asking about my studies----which I knew well would not disappoint them yet just wanted to keep their minds clear----my father still preferred to stay in my dorm and flip through my homework, worksheet, report slip, etc. Even when Mum was being dragged by us into the "Malay Village", he would rather sit outside and "analyse"----a life dealing with plaintiffs and defendants, judges and juries can indeed be scary.
This time, since Vic's and Mag's parents are more emotional sort, I am slightly emotionally affected by them. If my parents were letting their love flow over me, their parents were letting the whole lot of lovey-dovey emotions pour over them. Though I am quite an emotional sort, I secrectly appreciate the more reserved way----good for heart.
Of course, I got my own goodie bags. Haha, full of my Sunday-to-Monday bests(not really, exaggerated). Vic's mum is really loving. She brought Vic a horse that could fall on his own whe you press a button beneath the base. Maggie's mum is even more overwhelming. She brought all the way from China Mag's favourite novels, dolls, accessories, clothes for sure, and FAMILY PHOTOS including a tree outside her room. I was indeed swept over my feet!
Last night I talked with my mum on phone from 11:00p.m. to 2:41a.m. There is always a magic in her that can bring out everything in me, even those I do not want to relate to. There is always such chemistry between us that no matter how reserved or restrained I am on certain topics, she is able to bore it out and eventually, SHE KNOWS ALMOST EVERYTHING!(indeed, dudes)
And all I need from her at the end of each phone call is a simple "Jia You". Remote controlling is not easy as I see it, she and dad have done a wonderful job. So I just want them to say,"Jia you!"
That's enough:)
Thinking back, I am still quite awed by my father's forever "cool and steady" style. Being a lawyer, he could always master his emotions well and "think logically". When my sister and I were tossling them all around the island, confounding them with floods of information, straining every ounce of energy to divert their attention from asking about my studies----which I knew well would not disappoint them yet just wanted to keep their minds clear----my father still preferred to stay in my dorm and flip through my homework, worksheet, report slip, etc. Even when Mum was being dragged by us into the "Malay Village", he would rather sit outside and "analyse"----a life dealing with plaintiffs and defendants, judges and juries can indeed be scary.
This time, since Vic's and Mag's parents are more emotional sort, I am slightly emotionally affected by them. If my parents were letting their love flow over me, their parents were letting the whole lot of lovey-dovey emotions pour over them. Though I am quite an emotional sort, I secrectly appreciate the more reserved way----good for heart.
Of course, I got my own goodie bags. Haha, full of my Sunday-to-Monday bests(not really, exaggerated). Vic's mum is really loving. She brought Vic a horse that could fall on his own whe you press a button beneath the base. Maggie's mum is even more overwhelming. She brought all the way from China Mag's favourite novels, dolls, accessories, clothes for sure, and FAMILY PHOTOS including a tree outside her room. I was indeed swept over my feet!
Last night I talked with my mum on phone from 11:00p.m. to 2:41a.m. There is always a magic in her that can bring out everything in me, even those I do not want to relate to. There is always such chemistry between us that no matter how reserved or restrained I am on certain topics, she is able to bore it out and eventually, SHE KNOWS ALMOST EVERYTHING!(indeed, dudes)
And all I need from her at the end of each phone call is a simple "Jia You". Remote controlling is not easy as I see it, she and dad have done a wonderful job. So I just want them to say,"Jia you!"
That's enough:)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Montage
Why are there windows in the lift lobby? I do not understand.
They want to block out the wind, the rain drops, and maybe inadvertently block out the sunny mood.
They want to prevent falling over the rail, dropping off the high-rise, and maybe by the way curbing the "free fall of waste".
They want to shut out the noise, the singing at night, and maybe the humming of the "Eldoweiss" by some shower-room guys.
I do not understand.
I just cannot put my arms on the rails anymore, a habitual movement of mine while waiting for the lift to rise or plunge.
The mini-garden in front of the hostel canteen is eye-catching.
I walk past it every day in the morning. It piques my appetite for breakfast.
"It's such a fortune to live here." My words never change.
So does the garden with her overflowing greenness and the buzzing of the morning bees.
" Walk faster, watch out for the bees."
I whisk past the mini-garden and hide the bun under my sleeve.
Casserole for refreshment, not a too-bad choice.
My sister avoids that stubbornly.
Too oily.
I don't like its taste mixing with the flavour of my toothpaste.
Mint and slaky flour.
What a combination.
So I avoid it, too.
Campus is too quiet in the holidays.
Is it still alive?
"I see green...I, see, yellow, I see black and I see brown." I sang this when I learnt about colours.
"I see teachers...I, see, pupil, I see you and I will smile." I hummed this when I saw people.
But where are the souls?
No dread though. It will abuzz with life 25 days later.
......
Who comes out with that countdown to "the new term".
"MACHINE~"
"Oooo."
Distilled water is 100% safe.
No ions. No salts. No flavour.
Why is Singapore so fond of it?
Anyone who reads Chemistry carefully tends to ask the question.
It is easy to produce. My answer.
Ultrafiltration and reverse osmosis. Standard procedures.
You can use it to wash wounds, too.
"Trophy" is the buzzword in the world of wealth.
Not as the "main course", but as an accessory.
It means "skinny beauty".
The fact is that every billionnaire cannot live without a trophy in his house.
No as the mistress, but as a playmate.
This is what fiction says, especially modern classic.
I genuinely hope it is not true.
When the air-con is on, I feel so "freezed" so I bring along a coat.
Dark turquoise makes me feel warmer, as it is the colour of the sea algae.
It is the colour of the Russian forests, too.
So I say,"I bring along a 'Russia'."
Then I feel "warmed".
When the air-con is off, like now, I feel "heated".
No perspiration, though. Just stuffy.
But why? In China I feel "roasted" in summer.
Even the willow-mat can scald me and I have to turn around every ten minutes to prevent being "cooked".
That is, to be cooked on the other side...
My mail-box is inevitably full.
There are no junk mails, but too many to be tended to.
So I let it run wild.
Sometimes I will trim it, that is, when I label all the "unbrowsed" as "browsed".
Not an effective method, but an efficient one indeed.
But I know what they need is a reply~
So I give a long-distance call.
Adults and adults-in-formation hate "baby font".
That is why we generally stick to Times New Roman in documents or Arial in blogging.
I like notes in baby font...
They keep me reading.
And they expose a young heart.
They want to block out the wind, the rain drops, and maybe inadvertently block out the sunny mood.
They want to prevent falling over the rail, dropping off the high-rise, and maybe by the way curbing the "free fall of waste".
They want to shut out the noise, the singing at night, and maybe the humming of the "Eldoweiss" by some shower-room guys.
I do not understand.
I just cannot put my arms on the rails anymore, a habitual movement of mine while waiting for the lift to rise or plunge.
The mini-garden in front of the hostel canteen is eye-catching.
I walk past it every day in the morning. It piques my appetite for breakfast.
"It's such a fortune to live here." My words never change.
So does the garden with her overflowing greenness and the buzzing of the morning bees.
" Walk faster, watch out for the bees."
I whisk past the mini-garden and hide the bun under my sleeve.
Casserole for refreshment, not a too-bad choice.
My sister avoids that stubbornly.
Too oily.
I don't like its taste mixing with the flavour of my toothpaste.
Mint and slaky flour.
What a combination.
So I avoid it, too.
Campus is too quiet in the holidays.
Is it still alive?
"I see green...I, see, yellow, I see black and I see brown." I sang this when I learnt about colours.
"I see teachers...I, see, pupil, I see you and I will smile." I hummed this when I saw people.
But where are the souls?
No dread though. It will abuzz with life 25 days later.
......
Who comes out with that countdown to "the new term".
"MACHINE~"
"Oooo."
Distilled water is 100% safe.
No ions. No salts. No flavour.
Why is Singapore so fond of it?
Anyone who reads Chemistry carefully tends to ask the question.
It is easy to produce. My answer.
Ultrafiltration and reverse osmosis. Standard procedures.
You can use it to wash wounds, too.
"Trophy" is the buzzword in the world of wealth.
Not as the "main course", but as an accessory.
It means "skinny beauty".
The fact is that every billionnaire cannot live without a trophy in his house.
No as the mistress, but as a playmate.
This is what fiction says, especially modern classic.
I genuinely hope it is not true.
When the air-con is on, I feel so "freezed" so I bring along a coat.
Dark turquoise makes me feel warmer, as it is the colour of the sea algae.
It is the colour of the Russian forests, too.
So I say,"I bring along a 'Russia'."
Then I feel "warmed".
When the air-con is off, like now, I feel "heated".
No perspiration, though. Just stuffy.
But why? In China I feel "roasted" in summer.
Even the willow-mat can scald me and I have to turn around every ten minutes to prevent being "cooked".
That is, to be cooked on the other side...
My mail-box is inevitably full.
There are no junk mails, but too many to be tended to.
So I let it run wild.
Sometimes I will trim it, that is, when I label all the "unbrowsed" as "browsed".
Not an effective method, but an efficient one indeed.
But I know what they need is a reply~
So I give a long-distance call.
Adults and adults-in-formation hate "baby font".
That is why we generally stick to Times New Roman in documents or Arial in blogging.
I like notes in baby font...
They keep me reading.
And they expose a young heart.
Fold a Heart----a translation of my teacher's work
Gently, I pick up a bus ticket from the floor, and fold it into a heart.
6:25p.m. Bus.75 always arrives at this juncture.
My Stop is ten stops away from Her Stop. To begin with, the time was just enough for me to fold a heart with the ticket. Now, I am getting the hang of it and can finish the heart within a few stops.
That's just fine----enough time left for me to rehearse what I'm going to say to her, or to think of a good place to eat.
She doesn't like making decisions, yet also dislikes my indecisiveness.
While I'm thinking like this, the bus stops at Her Stop.
She's never late, always standing under that lamppost beside the busstop, waiting.
Her white pullover is tinted milkish-yellow under the light shining from the road lamp. What grace!
She wants to walk in the sea wind, but cannot stand the coldness, so she wears the pullover every time. It's delightfully soft.
On the bus, she leans against me, head on my shoulder, confiding in me all the pressure and headache from work.
"Why not just quit it? Save time, less trouble." I always ask her.
I'm like this, trying to comfort her every time, then holding out the folded heart and sent it to her.
She's always saying that she likes the job too much, just like her liking the heart I sent her.
Dinners always proceed in peace; after the meal, we always hold our unfinished drinks, walking on the beach.
We expose our hearts to the sea.
Our feelings are witnessed by the sea waves; and the sea wind is forever refreshing.
Though we loathe parting, we always sort out our emotions carefully, just before the arrival of the last bus.
I accompany her home. It's five stops away.
My heart is unfinished----send her next time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bus.75 is arriving. But it's just 6:20p.m.
I take out my Ezlink Card, yet accidentally, an unfolded ticket drop out of my wallet and fall onto the floor. I only notice it when I unintentionally step on it...
Still waiting for the bus driver to issue a ticket as usual when it suddenly dawned on me that now we all use Ezlink Card. No more tickets.
I sit there, glancing at the the unlit lampposts passing through the window, bored.
No more ticket. No more comfortable.
I pick up a ticket from the floor and fold it into a heart.
I lift my hand and hold it out of the window...then I open my palm.
Originated from B.N.
First published in Hwa Rhythm 22nd, 1997.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
To Sprinkled Vegie
Dear Sprinkled Vegie,
It is so nice to meet you again today. After more than two months, we finally see you at the familiar place.
Though we never lose touch, it is so refreshing to see you in person. Sure, I will work hard, and thank you for helping me achieve me goal----what you put as providing "psychological support"----I really wish to get into your school:P
True, we can only meet once in two months. Yet it will not be long, right? If I work hard enough, in the next year we can meet almost every day:) Life in Junior College is getting harder and harder now, so I really need to cherish my Sec4 life. Great to see that you are still so energetic and full of joy. The Sprinkled Vegie I know never fails to bring sunshine to our life.
It is not early. I still have to carry on reading. Procrastination is really not a good habit. Thank you for all the care you have given me, for the encouragement, and for the sunshine. Take care, too.
Love,
Sprinkled Ling Zhi
It is so nice to meet you again today. After more than two months, we finally see you at the familiar place.
Though we never lose touch, it is so refreshing to see you in person. Sure, I will work hard, and thank you for helping me achieve me goal----what you put as providing "psychological support"----I really wish to get into your school:P
True, we can only meet once in two months. Yet it will not be long, right? If I work hard enough, in the next year we can meet almost every day:) Life in Junior College is getting harder and harder now, so I really need to cherish my Sec4 life. Great to see that you are still so energetic and full of joy. The Sprinkled Vegie I know never fails to bring sunshine to our life.
It is not early. I still have to carry on reading. Procrastination is really not a good habit. Thank you for all the care you have given me, for the encouragement, and for the sunshine. Take care, too.
Love,
Sprinkled Ling Zhi
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