Eleven months ago, I packed up from Boon Keng's McNair Lodge to come to my new nest. Here in Raffles Boarding, we do not get the grow-ups' freedom that we got in NUS High Residence, and nor do we get the Holiday-Inn-feel we got at McNair Lodge, but it is in such a place that I met my important partner in life and spent an extraordinarily fruitful year. It is always with mixed feelings when we are on the tail of another year, but this year, for the most of the time I was in seventh heaven, bustling with my daily work and basking in pleasure with my new friends. Still a spindle, I spins on my own orbit, but the difference in JC is that my trajectory is bound to intersect with many of others'. New marvels, new discoveries, and new learning points, both pleasant and unpleasant, made up the greatest teacher called "experience" and led me to see what real life holds for everyone: opportunities and challenges, triumphs and heartbreaks.
I used to use a metaphor to dissuade the pessimists: life is not a bed of roses, but it is not a litany of dismay either. For a brave heart the brighter side almost always outbalances the gloomy one and the direction we should look is always forward. Counting the highlights of the year, there were quite a lot of new marvels, and speaking of the mode of life, I must admit that independence plays a very important part in everyday's life. Planning your own schedules, following your own pace, choosing your own activities and taking care of your own welfare as well. One loop wrong, and we may have to think of remedies for that. Here our knowledge about both people and life has greatly expanded and our stamina best strained. Daily life can be tiring but being in a friendly class and staying with people you love can outweigh all the downsides of a frenzy life.
My current work for the Public Utilities Board as an intern makes me further cherish my life as a student. It is indeed the golden years of a being and the time when all the excitement and fresh experiences can build our characters. And indeed, it is also the hard time that we learn about rules and authorities, and handle them with care. Working life can be very different and monotonously straining, but the upbeater is to keep to your goal and always visualise the end.
Christmas is coming and again here I have to spend a snowless Christmas. Nevertheless, it will be a brilliant one, I bet!
Merry.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
A Cascade of Waterdrops
She turned on the tap and let the water flow.
Is it an undefeatable truth that an abundance of joy always overflows into sorrow? She hates the looming sense of foreboding, like an over-hanging chandellier of doom, so precarious that the gargantuan glitter could crush down over her anytime, like a bomb without a timer.
There was a timer, to her chagrin.
"Ooz, ooz..tick...tok..."
The water continued to flow, leaving a cascade of reflections in the fog-smeared window, and the grandfather clock never stopped ticking by. Dragging her feet across the creaking floor of her bangalow----a shallow one painted in dark yet gaudy crimson, Eliza sank to her bed and fell asleep the moment she touched the bedsheet. An unquenchable feeling of searing hotness swelled over her sockets; her eyes were burning like promethane flame (God forbid) and she clamped them shut like a stubborn oyster.
She touched a furry coil of softness and clutching hard onto it. That was her sole comfort.
Dizziness. More dizziness. The unwelcomed, much-abhorred debilitating feeling was crawling all over her, crippling her mind, numbing her senses.
She fell into a rabbit-hole.
Unable to reconcile with "the unbelievable", Eliza succumbed to the power of hallucinations as they bagan to gush forth her mind like a quill.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short-circuit again. And she could not cry "Foul luck".
It was bad luck for her indeed.
As if fumbling to fill up a void in her life, she struggled to fend off the emptiness, yet to no avail. Her mind was assailed by a slate of hallucinations of begone days, yet all they did was add the additional touch of sorrow that afflicted greater pain. She's been tripped.
Flashing smiles, gentle kisses and strides with aplomb. Those impressions seemed so faraway since Simon's departure. She could never fathom why he chose the hard way to get enlisted and join the Army, and she would never realise that he did it for more than a personal reason. All that registered in her jumbled mind was that he was gone, like a cascade of waterdrops, and would never come back the same person.
It was beyond the point of no return.
Her instinct guided her to move on, albeit the gushing-forth of all the tender memories they shared on those fulsome summer nights when they just sat snuggly together at the foyer of her yard and licked ice-cream together. The chill of her tongue was soon tranfered to her whole body and the sensation made her shiver with joy. The moon would always be mystiquely full on those nights, and in occasions shrouded by a simmering steam-coat like a beauty wrapped in gossamer. Simon would wait for her to finish her final lick, and help her wipe off the inadvertent smear of cream on her spectacles.
It was on those nights when sky promised to keep all the secrets that they opened the floodgates of heart to each other. Admiration took a long time to blossom but they clicked as if responding to some unspoken spell, daring and binding, drawing them closer and closer. They were spiralled into a wonderful place where only them two existed.
And now he is gone, taking all her merriment, expectations and spices of life away like some ginie finally deciding to shut the bottle, or Pandora finally claiming back her spell after unleashing tremendous rupture in the Earth. Irretrievable. Unfathomable, and even abominable.
Foul luck.
"Ooz...ooz...tick...tok..." The dripping continued, so did the grandfather-clock.
Her ebony hair, now disshevelled and entangled, losed all its lustre before, and her smiling eyes grew more and more puffy, misty and dreamlike. Every Saturday, she would go to the train station to check the incoming trains for the next week, and every time she went back in disappointment that no train would come from her expected destination.
She entered into the pupa state, waiting for the awakening that became her hope of salvage. But before that happens, she is a pupa in a trance.
Is it an undefeatable truth that an abundance of joy always overflows into sorrow? She hates the looming sense of foreboding, like an over-hanging chandellier of doom, so precarious that the gargantuan glitter could crush down over her anytime, like a bomb without a timer.
There was a timer, to her chagrin.
"Ooz, ooz..tick...tok..."
The water continued to flow, leaving a cascade of reflections in the fog-smeared window, and the grandfather clock never stopped ticking by. Dragging her feet across the creaking floor of her bangalow----a shallow one painted in dark yet gaudy crimson, Eliza sank to her bed and fell asleep the moment she touched the bedsheet. An unquenchable feeling of searing hotness swelled over her sockets; her eyes were burning like promethane flame (God forbid) and she clamped them shut like a stubborn oyster.
She touched a furry coil of softness and clutching hard onto it. That was her sole comfort.
Dizziness. More dizziness. The unwelcomed, much-abhorred debilitating feeling was crawling all over her, crippling her mind, numbing her senses.
She fell into a rabbit-hole.
Unable to reconcile with "the unbelievable", Eliza succumbed to the power of hallucinations as they bagan to gush forth her mind like a quill.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short-circuit again. And she could not cry "Foul luck".
It was bad luck for her indeed.
As if fumbling to fill up a void in her life, she struggled to fend off the emptiness, yet to no avail. Her mind was assailed by a slate of hallucinations of begone days, yet all they did was add the additional touch of sorrow that afflicted greater pain. She's been tripped.
Flashing smiles, gentle kisses and strides with aplomb. Those impressions seemed so faraway since Simon's departure. She could never fathom why he chose the hard way to get enlisted and join the Army, and she would never realise that he did it for more than a personal reason. All that registered in her jumbled mind was that he was gone, like a cascade of waterdrops, and would never come back the same person.
It was beyond the point of no return.
Her instinct guided her to move on, albeit the gushing-forth of all the tender memories they shared on those fulsome summer nights when they just sat snuggly together at the foyer of her yard and licked ice-cream together. The chill of her tongue was soon tranfered to her whole body and the sensation made her shiver with joy. The moon would always be mystiquely full on those nights, and in occasions shrouded by a simmering steam-coat like a beauty wrapped in gossamer. Simon would wait for her to finish her final lick, and help her wipe off the inadvertent smear of cream on her spectacles.
It was on those nights when sky promised to keep all the secrets that they opened the floodgates of heart to each other. Admiration took a long time to blossom but they clicked as if responding to some unspoken spell, daring and binding, drawing them closer and closer. They were spiralled into a wonderful place where only them two existed.
And now he is gone, taking all her merriment, expectations and spices of life away like some ginie finally deciding to shut the bottle, or Pandora finally claiming back her spell after unleashing tremendous rupture in the Earth. Irretrievable. Unfathomable, and even abominable.
Foul luck.
"Ooz...ooz...tick...tok..." The dripping continued, so did the grandfather-clock.
Her ebony hair, now disshevelled and entangled, losed all its lustre before, and her smiling eyes grew more and more puffy, misty and dreamlike. Every Saturday, she would go to the train station to check the incoming trains for the next week, and every time she went back in disappointment that no train would come from her expected destination.
She entered into the pupa state, waiting for the awakening that became her hope of salvage. But before that happens, she is a pupa in a trance.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Vascillations~
It is the first Monday that I felt such Monday blues, and this time it was different. I could not get off the "floating feelings" from me and it all seemed as if some sequence has been omitted. Honestly, the day dawned fine when I collected my ICA form for my student pass renewal form through a successful E-Appointment, but everything later seemed to begin to uncoil and entangle me into a big mass of confusion.
The ISLE Election should be the trigger. After a two-day bonding camp, there still seemed to be a giant chasm spanning across us, numbing our senses, preventing us from getting close to each other. The tense atmosphere indeed took a toll on me. I thought that my weakness was that I was not emotional, but the reality was the reverse. I am, irrevocably, an emotional creature and bogged down too much by my emotions. The fact that such blues could not be easily defused showed that I should learn Occlumency seriously.
Now, sitting in this nice Shaw Foundation Library with my best friend, I feel nothing is so terrible that cannot be overcome!
I've got my spirit back, because of you~
Thanks Bianca!
The ISLE Election should be the trigger. After a two-day bonding camp, there still seemed to be a giant chasm spanning across us, numbing our senses, preventing us from getting close to each other. The tense atmosphere indeed took a toll on me. I thought that my weakness was that I was not emotional, but the reality was the reverse. I am, irrevocably, an emotional creature and bogged down too much by my emotions. The fact that such blues could not be easily defused showed that I should learn Occlumency seriously.
Now, sitting in this nice Shaw Foundation Library with my best friend, I feel nothing is so terrible that cannot be overcome!
I've got my spirit back, because of you~
Thanks Bianca!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Cappuccino
A sweet day started with a heavy downpour but ended in a fantastic way. The transformation within twenty-four hours from deploration to bliss was simply amazing. The renewed energy is burning inside me. Now, I feel so charged, so hopeful, and so blessed.
It is my best Easter ever. I have never felt so close to God and to my Angel. It is not simple magic. It is great magic, and I feel like part of an amazing organisation that is turning on a wonderful way. Being simply myself with my very own confidence and bubbly nature is so rewarding! I begin to feel empowered and tremendously loved:)
A simple, maybe exaggerated encouragement can spice up my day. That really made me smile! I shall strive to be a better self for those caring for me, supporting me till the end, and those always being there, like a guardian angel.
Good night, Angel:)
It is my best Easter ever. I have never felt so close to God and to my Angel. It is not simple magic. It is great magic, and I feel like part of an amazing organisation that is turning on a wonderful way. Being simply myself with my very own confidence and bubbly nature is so rewarding! I begin to feel empowered and tremendously loved:)
A simple, maybe exaggerated encouragement can spice up my day. That really made me smile! I shall strive to be a better self for those caring for me, supporting me till the end, and those always being there, like a guardian angel.
Good night, Angel:)
Saturday, April 3, 2010
A Very Own "Your" water
Confusion keeps emerging every day, every moment, in any form, and takes any part of your soul. Doubts engulf my feelings whenever a strong, really strong opinion is presented. Strong opinions are overwhelming. Some can be really loathsome. I should have had the sense to fend it off, brush is away like any annoying little flies. Like the wise man has said, the opinion can be kept forever, and you sometimes do not need even bother to prove it wrong~
However, consider it a tragedy when a self-manifesting glory is so debased, insulted and tramped upon. Even an overtly brutal generalisation can have an impact. WE ARE...how can "we" be generalised into an "are"? Everyone, every single one of us in this water is unique! It is such a debasing of all of our's intelligence and hardwork to label us "we"! Some are different from others, and within the some, a smaller "some" are different from others. We do have a common characteristic, and that is the very fact that we embrace life with all of our vigour, are proud of ourselves for the right reasons, and content in our own ways. That common trait makes us "us". Period.
I know the awful phenomenon does occur, and I know that something is in its imperfect state and that there is nothing we can do about it, but I do believe that such imperfection should not be aggrandised, overstated, and abused to an extent that the only blemish blocks everything else.
The pessimistic one should know that our world, through your very eyes, is twisted by your very vision since YOU ARE NOT IN IT. The one kept outside the orchard will always hold prejudice against the fruit INSIDE, and the one who has grown up loathing a certain system will end up cursing that specific system till the end of one's life. I permit such strong opinion to exist, but I neither tolerate nor accept it.
Living a fulfilling life is not about choice, only. It is about preferences! I can choose either, but I PREFER this. If much is not realised as much is given, that is my crime; but if much expected is not achieved as far as you are concerned, do you really think that counts?
Choosing something entails incurring an opportunity cost, but this does not mean that you are doing a losing business. Consider marginal benefit, not absolute loss! If there are so many people fighting their lives for the privelege of having to incur that opportunity cost, you cannot possibly say that it is a formidable cost, or a doom~
Reciprocation is not always desired. Our minds are not always heard, but we do not need them to always be searched, either. Some day, one day, I will share my query with a trustable friend, who belongs to part of the prophecy of the doomsayer, and who is smarter than me in flushing off that pessimistic thought.
We are the marvellous fish species swimming in this dynamic sea. We are lovin' it. Seriously, people are created different. You can keep your own set of values, why can't we?
Moreover, since you have known our choice all along, why don't you want us to prove you wrong, for once? Is it due to proudness? Come-on! My self-fulfilling prophecy works better than yours~
However, consider it a tragedy when a self-manifesting glory is so debased, insulted and tramped upon. Even an overtly brutal generalisation can have an impact. WE ARE...how can "we" be generalised into an "are"? Everyone, every single one of us in this water is unique! It is such a debasing of all of our's intelligence and hardwork to label us "we"! Some are different from others, and within the some, a smaller "some" are different from others. We do have a common characteristic, and that is the very fact that we embrace life with all of our vigour, are proud of ourselves for the right reasons, and content in our own ways. That common trait makes us "us". Period.
I know the awful phenomenon does occur, and I know that something is in its imperfect state and that there is nothing we can do about it, but I do believe that such imperfection should not be aggrandised, overstated, and abused to an extent that the only blemish blocks everything else.
The pessimistic one should know that our world, through your very eyes, is twisted by your very vision since YOU ARE NOT IN IT. The one kept outside the orchard will always hold prejudice against the fruit INSIDE, and the one who has grown up loathing a certain system will end up cursing that specific system till the end of one's life. I permit such strong opinion to exist, but I neither tolerate nor accept it.
Living a fulfilling life is not about choice, only. It is about preferences! I can choose either, but I PREFER this. If much is not realised as much is given, that is my crime; but if much expected is not achieved as far as you are concerned, do you really think that counts?
Choosing something entails incurring an opportunity cost, but this does not mean that you are doing a losing business. Consider marginal benefit, not absolute loss! If there are so many people fighting their lives for the privelege of having to incur that opportunity cost, you cannot possibly say that it is a formidable cost, or a doom~
Reciprocation is not always desired. Our minds are not always heard, but we do not need them to always be searched, either. Some day, one day, I will share my query with a trustable friend, who belongs to part of the prophecy of the doomsayer, and who is smarter than me in flushing off that pessimistic thought.
We are the marvellous fish species swimming in this dynamic sea. We are lovin' it. Seriously, people are created different. You can keep your own set of values, why can't we?
Moreover, since you have known our choice all along, why don't you want us to prove you wrong, for once? Is it due to proudness? Come-on! My self-fulfilling prophecy works better than yours~
Friday, April 2, 2010
Rediscovery~
"Day after day, year after year, men still try to impress, and women still yearn to be impressed. It is a world of hunters predating on the prey, and the prey so powerless with that tinge of reluctance to reflect the lethal, sweet blow. It is a world of self-fulfilling prophecy coming slowly to reality, of attraction based on intended desire, anticipated admiration, and ultimately, with a shiver down my spine, I say, designed programme. It is a world of rationalism clashing with "emotica", the clash of two Titans, irrevocably, unretrievably, and inevitably, hard to resist."
"If I believe Biology can do one thing for me, please, let it be fended off, or me get dragged in, but leave my heart as a whole---- my very own ego and pride. There is nothing there to unravel it. Anytime, any longer."People say,"a princess never bows, like a scorpion never gives up stinging".But why cannot she do either? So she bows, and she hides her sting...
"If I believe Biology can do one thing for me, please, let it be fended off, or me get dragged in, but leave my heart as a whole---- my very own ego and pride. There is nothing there to unravel it. Anytime, any longer."People say,"a princess never bows, like a scorpion never gives up stinging".But why cannot she do either? So she bows, and she hides her sting...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
After Complication
Hey!
This letter is about "The Godfather", an unprecedented classic I am very willing to discuss with you. Last time when I wrote to you (two days ago) I still had to prepare for my YAP interview for the next day. So I did not go into details about the movie series that I value so much. I am so happy to hear that you actually spent time during the Spring Festival to watch the saga----it is very long, about 9 hours plus in total, I think. You sounded like you really enjoyed it! Go so far as to look for its O.S.T. haha. The Jay song really gives the ambience (a wrong word here, but can suit other contexts, check it out), and is pertinent to the movie theme as well. Among those pieces in the Godfather original sound track, "Sicilian Pastorale", "Love Theme", "Apollonia" and "The Godfather Waltz" are my favourites.
You like the 1972 version best, and I like a lot about the version, too, though the 1990 version probes deeper into human nature as Michael strode in the last phase of his life. The second episode concerning Hyman Roth and Moe Greene was a bit what we call "commercial". The Las Vegas scene was relevant but less appealing in a violent setting. (personal opinion only, since gorgeous girls are merchandised by really "ugly'' men) However, I still agree that the 1972 version shows most vissicitudes of the Italian gangster family and touches me most.
I sincerely hope the following sounds more like a letter than a movie review.
The first Godfather Don Vito Corleone displayed the many virtues paradoxically co-existing with his mafia business. He valued family as a whole, never taking a photo when one was absent. He loathed the idea of drug dealing, despite the peril of turning on with the most dangerous partner. He maintained calmness and concealed his inner contradictions and anxieties from his families. He is a gangster and a family man, revered by all and dreaded by all.
The twist came when he was suddenly unable to keep his young son, Michael, "clean" from his family business after a failed assassination attempt on his own life. Michael's coolness aborted the follow-up assassin at the hospital, and he carried on to avenge for his father, killing Don Barzini and the loathsome police officer at the restaurant. Didn't you notice how cool and calm he was when he pulled the trigger that he had never touched before? And the nerdy, dreaded face of the police officer! That marked the ground-breaking emergence of a other wise low-key heir of the Corleone family.
Something interesting about the killing scene is that when I was watching it at home last year, my Dad came and noticed that Don Barzini asked for the police officer's permission before conversing with Michael in Italian, and he went on to chide me that I should do the same when I speak English with my sister. (During lunchtime when I wanted to plot something I did not want my parents to understand I always spoke in English, so they were very confused, and irritated a bit I think.) So you can imagine how aggitated I was when I was speculating whether the gun had been planted in the washroom for Michael while my Dad was...."Remember? See how cultured even the gangsters are! You two should learn from that."
Another scene which evoked fierce family discussion was about Michael's attitudes towards Kay and Apollonia, his Italian wife. When he was in exile in Italy for safety, we began to ponder whether he wound keep his promise for Kay. I gave the morally correct answer before the following scene showed how he betrayed Kay and falling for Apollonia. Others in my house were all very practical, practical, indeed, that they all undoubtedly believed that Michael would betray Kay, and I was convinced that sometimes promises just did not work out when circumstances change, and nobody should be blamed for that.
The final part about Kay's questioning Machael whether he had ordered tha killing of Connie's husband, Carlo, was soooooo touching! I kept my breath and was seriously hoping Michael to lie to her, seriously, please! Lie! Say "no" and hug her! HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT ME:) That is man. It is not about cheating, it is full of love, though how counter-intuitive and flimsy that seems.
Indeed, it was the third one that really revealed the deepest human nature and desire. Old Michael still tried to keep his promise for Kay to "legalise his family business", though Kay's belief in him was hopelessly dying down so as to aborted their son against the thousand-year-old Sicily rule and eventually left him with his son. She finally spoke out what became the biggest tragedy for Michael.
Michael Corleone: I spent my life protecting my son. I spent my life protecting my family!
Kay Corleone: Let's be reasonable here, Michael. I mean, that's your big thing, isn't it? Reason backed up by murder.
Michael Corleone: Oh, God, you hate me. You hate me.
Kay Corleone: No, I don't hate you, Michael. I dread you.
Michael Corleone: I did what I could, Kay, to protect all of you from the horrors of this world.
Kay Corleone: But you became my horror.
I pity him. That 's what he can never escape from, and never get forgiven for. Even when he eventually made a confession in front of the Pope, remorsing that "I've killed men, and I ordered men to be killed. No, it's useless. I killed... I ordered the death of my brother; he injured me. I killed my mother's son. I killed my father's son."
No matter what sins he had commited, he was still revered by all, and dreaded by all. It was his life's tragedy that his own daughter, Mary was killed for his sake. Her last call, the confused, not terrified call of "Dad", virtually extinguished every hope in his life.
So that's what I can write for now, though there are indeed much more unspeakable thoughts about Vincent, and how he controlled his emotions in a man's way. ("Love somebody else"..Great saying!) I shall stop here.
You might want to read the original, though I have never read that before.
Byeeeee!
This letter is about "The Godfather", an unprecedented classic I am very willing to discuss with you. Last time when I wrote to you (two days ago) I still had to prepare for my YAP interview for the next day. So I did not go into details about the movie series that I value so much. I am so happy to hear that you actually spent time during the Spring Festival to watch the saga----it is very long, about 9 hours plus in total, I think. You sounded like you really enjoyed it! Go so far as to look for its O.S.T. haha. The Jay song really gives the ambience (a wrong word here, but can suit other contexts, check it out), and is pertinent to the movie theme as well. Among those pieces in the Godfather original sound track, "Sicilian Pastorale", "Love Theme", "Apollonia" and "The Godfather Waltz" are my favourites.
You like the 1972 version best, and I like a lot about the version, too, though the 1990 version probes deeper into human nature as Michael strode in the last phase of his life. The second episode concerning Hyman Roth and Moe Greene was a bit what we call "commercial". The Las Vegas scene was relevant but less appealing in a violent setting. (personal opinion only, since gorgeous girls are merchandised by really "ugly'' men) However, I still agree that the 1972 version shows most vissicitudes of the Italian gangster family and touches me most.
I sincerely hope the following sounds more like a letter than a movie review.
The first Godfather Don Vito Corleone displayed the many virtues paradoxically co-existing with his mafia business. He valued family as a whole, never taking a photo when one was absent. He loathed the idea of drug dealing, despite the peril of turning on with the most dangerous partner. He maintained calmness and concealed his inner contradictions and anxieties from his families. He is a gangster and a family man, revered by all and dreaded by all.
The twist came when he was suddenly unable to keep his young son, Michael, "clean" from his family business after a failed assassination attempt on his own life. Michael's coolness aborted the follow-up assassin at the hospital, and he carried on to avenge for his father, killing Don Barzini and the loathsome police officer at the restaurant. Didn't you notice how cool and calm he was when he pulled the trigger that he had never touched before? And the nerdy, dreaded face of the police officer! That marked the ground-breaking emergence of a other wise low-key heir of the Corleone family.
Something interesting about the killing scene is that when I was watching it at home last year, my Dad came and noticed that Don Barzini asked for the police officer's permission before conversing with Michael in Italian, and he went on to chide me that I should do the same when I speak English with my sister. (During lunchtime when I wanted to plot something I did not want my parents to understand I always spoke in English, so they were very confused, and irritated a bit I think.) So you can imagine how aggitated I was when I was speculating whether the gun had been planted in the washroom for Michael while my Dad was...."Remember? See how cultured even the gangsters are! You two should learn from that."
Another scene which evoked fierce family discussion was about Michael's attitudes towards Kay and Apollonia, his Italian wife. When he was in exile in Italy for safety, we began to ponder whether he wound keep his promise for Kay. I gave the morally correct answer before the following scene showed how he betrayed Kay and falling for Apollonia. Others in my house were all very practical, practical, indeed, that they all undoubtedly believed that Michael would betray Kay, and I was convinced that sometimes promises just did not work out when circumstances change, and nobody should be blamed for that.
The final part about Kay's questioning Machael whether he had ordered tha killing of Connie's husband, Carlo, was soooooo touching! I kept my breath and was seriously hoping Michael to lie to her, seriously, please! Lie! Say "no" and hug her! HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT ME:) That is man. It is not about cheating, it is full of love, though how counter-intuitive and flimsy that seems.
Indeed, it was the third one that really revealed the deepest human nature and desire. Old Michael still tried to keep his promise for Kay to "legalise his family business", though Kay's belief in him was hopelessly dying down so as to aborted their son against the thousand-year-old Sicily rule and eventually left him with his son. She finally spoke out what became the biggest tragedy for Michael.
Michael Corleone: I spent my life protecting my son. I spent my life protecting my family!
Kay Corleone: Let's be reasonable here, Michael. I mean, that's your big thing, isn't it? Reason backed up by murder.
Michael Corleone: Oh, God, you hate me. You hate me.
Kay Corleone: No, I don't hate you, Michael. I dread you.
Michael Corleone: I did what I could, Kay, to protect all of you from the horrors of this world.
Kay Corleone: But you became my horror.
I pity him. That 's what he can never escape from, and never get forgiven for. Even when he eventually made a confession in front of the Pope, remorsing that "I've killed men, and I ordered men to be killed. No, it's useless. I killed... I ordered the death of my brother; he injured me. I killed my mother's son. I killed my father's son."
No matter what sins he had commited, he was still revered by all, and dreaded by all. It was his life's tragedy that his own daughter, Mary was killed for his sake. Her last call, the confused, not terrified call of "Dad", virtually extinguished every hope in his life.
So that's what I can write for now, though there are indeed much more unspeakable thoughts about Vincent, and how he controlled his emotions in a man's way. ("Love somebody else"..Great saying!) I shall stop here.
You might want to read the original, though I have never read that before.
Byeeeee!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Adieus~
This is my last letter before the holiday ends. After school reopens, I will be hurled into a whole new frenziness that will not allow my brain to function outside academics. The seven-day break is really not enough for me, but I really have to say that I have learnt a lot these days from all the activities I took part in, and the mental juggle I am going through.
After my last letter to you about the struggle between a westernized and a traditional midnset, I suddenly realise that there is no difference too wide to bridge. There are sacrifices, which we call "opportunity costs" in economics, that we have to incur when we choose one way instead of the other. So now seeing that most of my old pals, whom I have shared the same memories in my early years, end up happily in their dream universities in either Beijing, Shanghai, or Zhejiang, Guangdong, I feel a void that I am not with them. A void is not like a pity. It is not real regret but the feeling you have when you have to make a pick between two "mutually exclusive" choices. One, or the other. Not both. Never will I get both. So now when I read the blog posts of my friends in my middle school, read about their lives, their feelings, their very own joy and sorrow, I feel so detached. Maybe that is how you always feel when you read my letters. The flaky detachment when time and space just do not fit. Sometimes the whole mood can be wrong, too.
I begin to wonder how the same product would end up in two different factories, like myself. How will I end up in China. Sure I will be able to talk your "talking", use your "buzzwords", follow your trends, and moreover, think the way you people think. I cannot. Sometimes I envy you people's Chinese capability, when it suddenly dauned on me that it is myself, by reading The Times, Newsweek, The Economist, and other weekly, monthly, double-monthly...Elle, Seventeen, Vogue, etc, that I leave no time for the all-so-expressive language.
Certain events in this holiday drove that gloominess away and affirmed me that life can be soooooooo enriching right here. In the past few days, I successfully passed the 2nd Round interview and become a World Vision Singapore Youth Ambassador^^. Staying up late has become a lifestyle, too. Almost for every day since Junior College started (expect for exam days) I have to sleep after 12:30, sometimes painstakingly even later, to deal with my work, academic and non-academic.
The day before yesterday I went for volunteer work in the Autism Resource Centre for children with autistic problems and other mental disabilities. It was both a shock and great grief for me to see poor kids like that. We as volunteers played with them in the Labrado Park, cooked some food with solid fuel (I was the expert in making popcorns) and accompanied them for a night hike. There were times when things really got difficult. They could shut down all of a sudden and not talk to you or even look at you. Some went too hyper and talked to themselves, some had no sense of boundaries beween boys and girls. We lot had a difficult time but it made me realise how rewarding the whole experience was!
The day ended late till ten so I had to make up for my work late into night. Since the next day (yesterday) was another service day of street fund-raising for Jamiyah Children's Home for the Orphaned, and I had a class outing! in the afternoon, I went to bed the previous day at about 2:30am to read about Copenhagen Conference, China's currency issue, Japan's commercial whaling, Armenian's disputed massacre and all that for my General Paper. And yesterday I had no choice but to get up at 6:50, rushing to Orchard for fund-raising. I raised a lot (better than the boys there) and right after noon I jumped into my casual clothes that I brought with me and was off for class outing.
You can imagine how sleepy I was when we were eating at Fish& Co. Actually I ordered nothing since I had a bowl of 排骨面 before with the fund-raising people. I was fighting with sleepiness in the cinema when we watched Alice in the Wonderland. Thankfully Manfred shared chips with me so I could stay awake. After the movie I was so kind that I went to Swenson's with them. Of course I did not order anything in that ultra-expensive ice cream shop, but I did taste a bit of Manny's omelette and -.- French fries. (I hate it when guys can eat French fries twice a day and still stay in good figure>.<) There was a model friend, Nikki in my class with us, too. Being with her made me feel oh-so-traditional, haha~.~ She is very pretty indeed:)
I could not fall asleep when I took public transport home because we needed to talk, I stay in the same place as Manny so we got off at the same station. When I reached home I felt so tired. But today I still managed to get up early and finish my two GP essays. (I've attached them so you can read them and try to write something in your free time)
It has been raining heavily this whole holiday. The rain did not dampen my spirit. I feel much better after this hectic but fruity holiday. Now I cannot wait for the school to reopen. But I have to catch up my school work like mad since I haven't been studying these few days
I'll write to you again when I come to my senses after all another frenzy school term. You must be freaking busy, too. So reply when you feel “天时、地利、人和”. There is no need to rush.
(I know how flaky this letter seems, but that's about my life recently. You must feel awayyyyy detached, err..sorry for that, but you love listening to stories, right? :P)
~.~
After my last letter to you about the struggle between a westernized and a traditional midnset, I suddenly realise that there is no difference too wide to bridge. There are sacrifices, which we call "opportunity costs" in economics, that we have to incur when we choose one way instead of the other. So now seeing that most of my old pals, whom I have shared the same memories in my early years, end up happily in their dream universities in either Beijing, Shanghai, or Zhejiang, Guangdong, I feel a void that I am not with them. A void is not like a pity. It is not real regret but the feeling you have when you have to make a pick between two "mutually exclusive" choices. One, or the other. Not both. Never will I get both. So now when I read the blog posts of my friends in my middle school, read about their lives, their feelings, their very own joy and sorrow, I feel so detached. Maybe that is how you always feel when you read my letters. The flaky detachment when time and space just do not fit. Sometimes the whole mood can be wrong, too.
I begin to wonder how the same product would end up in two different factories, like myself. How will I end up in China. Sure I will be able to talk your "talking", use your "buzzwords", follow your trends, and moreover, think the way you people think. I cannot. Sometimes I envy you people's Chinese capability, when it suddenly dauned on me that it is myself, by reading The Times, Newsweek, The Economist, and other weekly, monthly, double-monthly...Elle, Seventeen, Vogue, etc, that I leave no time for the all-so-expressive language.
Certain events in this holiday drove that gloominess away and affirmed me that life can be soooooooo enriching right here. In the past few days, I successfully passed the 2nd Round interview and become a World Vision Singapore Youth Ambassador^^. Staying up late has become a lifestyle, too. Almost for every day since Junior College started (expect for exam days) I have to sleep after 12:30, sometimes painstakingly even later, to deal with my work, academic and non-academic.
The day before yesterday I went for volunteer work in the Autism Resource Centre for children with autistic problems and other mental disabilities. It was both a shock and great grief for me to see poor kids like that. We as volunteers played with them in the Labrado Park, cooked some food with solid fuel (I was the expert in making popcorns) and accompanied them for a night hike. There were times when things really got difficult. They could shut down all of a sudden and not talk to you or even look at you. Some went too hyper and talked to themselves, some had no sense of boundaries beween boys and girls. We lot had a difficult time but it made me realise how rewarding the whole experience was!
The day ended late till ten so I had to make up for my work late into night. Since the next day (yesterday) was another service day of street fund-raising for Jamiyah Children's Home for the Orphaned, and I had a class outing! in the afternoon, I went to bed the previous day at about 2:30am to read about Copenhagen Conference, China's currency issue, Japan's commercial whaling, Armenian's disputed massacre and all that for my General Paper. And yesterday I had no choice but to get up at 6:50, rushing to Orchard for fund-raising. I raised a lot (better than the boys there) and right after noon I jumped into my casual clothes that I brought with me and was off for class outing.
You can imagine how sleepy I was when we were eating at Fish& Co. Actually I ordered nothing since I had a bowl of 排骨面 before with the fund-raising people. I was fighting with sleepiness in the cinema when we watched Alice in the Wonderland. Thankfully Manfred shared chips with me so I could stay awake. After the movie I was so kind that I went to Swenson's with them. Of course I did not order anything in that ultra-expensive ice cream shop, but I did taste a bit of Manny's omelette and -.- French fries. (I hate it when guys can eat French fries twice a day and still stay in good figure>.<) There was a model friend, Nikki in my class with us, too. Being with her made me feel oh-so-traditional, haha~.~ She is very pretty indeed:)
I could not fall asleep when I took public transport home because we needed to talk, I stay in the same place as Manny so we got off at the same station. When I reached home I felt so tired. But today I still managed to get up early and finish my two GP essays. (I've attached them so you can read them and try to write something in your free time)
It has been raining heavily this whole holiday. The rain did not dampen my spirit. I feel much better after this hectic but fruity holiday. Now I cannot wait for the school to reopen. But I have to catch up my school work like mad since I haven't been studying these few days
I'll write to you again when I come to my senses after all another frenzy school term. You must be freaking busy, too. So reply when you feel “天时、地利、人和”. There is no need to rush.
(I know how flaky this letter seems, but that's about my life recently. You must feel awayyyyy detached, err..sorry for that, but you love listening to stories, right? :P)
~.~
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Time to get outta Comfort Zone
Orientation Camp has come to an end, and we are now scattered like confetti into different classes. Some fortunate souls, like Florence and Amanda, get into classes with our OG members, but others like me are allotted to classes in which we do not really know a soul. It was quite a shock during yesterday's civic class. Among 25 of my classmates, 19 are IPs and they seem to know each other quite well. It was an honest feeling that we shared among our OG members----why don't just let us be together? Haha, that just does not work out!
Upon thinking today, it all seems that yesterday's worries were unnecessary. Of course, it is hard to get out of one's comfort zone, especially when one is with people he or she knows well, but it is really an exhilarating experience to mix with new people with new interests, new characteristics, and new ideas! In my class, the girls are very enthusiastic and outgoing, and the 3 ex-RGS councillors are pretty talented. My best friend is a SNGS girl--she likes Japanese comics and has attended Cos-play during the vacation! The boys, to my amazement, are equally awesome (that's Tat's catch-phrase) They are very willing to know about us, very respectful and gentleman-like. We played ice-breaker games today and everyone was very cooperative. That's Raffles Spirit!
It is my first time to wear full school uniform to school (with badge), and I am really very proud of being among so many awesome people. Now I have to wave goodbye to the old fond days of Orientation Camp and look forward to writing new chapters with 24 brainies and sweeties.
Take Five 12/02/10, I am looking forward to that! And...Class Camp!!!
Upon thinking today, it all seems that yesterday's worries were unnecessary. Of course, it is hard to get out of one's comfort zone, especially when one is with people he or she knows well, but it is really an exhilarating experience to mix with new people with new interests, new characteristics, and new ideas! In my class, the girls are very enthusiastic and outgoing, and the 3 ex-RGS councillors are pretty talented. My best friend is a SNGS girl--she likes Japanese comics and has attended Cos-play during the vacation! The boys, to my amazement, are equally awesome (that's Tat's catch-phrase) They are very willing to know about us, very respectful and gentleman-like. We played ice-breaker games today and everyone was very cooperative. That's Raffles Spirit!
It is my first time to wear full school uniform to school (with badge), and I am really very proud of being among so many awesome people. Now I have to wave goodbye to the old fond days of Orientation Camp and look forward to writing new chapters with 24 brainies and sweeties.
Take Five 12/02/10, I am looking forward to that! And...Class Camp!!!
Friday, January 29, 2010
College Spirit
It was the second day of our Orientation Camp. The Storyline carried on and the torch kept burning. We had fun when we learned the Batch Dance, Batch Song and school cheers, and our physical stamina was tested when we travelled out of the college for Operation EA. All these activities made me realise how senior Rafflesians carried out our school spirit, and I was really touched when they all went that extra mile to make us J1s feel at home.
During the Batch Dance, we had our dance partners assigned by senior OGLs. My partner was a Meris Stella guy. We cooperated quite well, especially due to the fact that Cheryl, our group leader, constantly told us how to twist our bodies. Anyway, maybe it's that my partner is from a male school, so he was actually quite shy at first. Thankfully the session was not over-taxing, so soon we carried on to learn the Batch Song, a "sweet"(as they called it) Dream Along With Me.
What really impressed me was the Cheers Session. It was supposed to be a time of "culture shock" when all Rafflsians clapped the beats and shouted out their cheers, but no! I was so touched when the girls taught me their cheers so earnestly and demonstrated the signals and beats so patiently and kindly. They were so considerate that I really felt at home, totally unlike the popularly adopted view of a potential "culture ultra-shock". So now I can proudly say that I've got the hang of all the learned cheers so far. Since they made me feel so included, I could do the Samba, Mat Rock and Raffles Jam (especially:P) just as well and enthusiastically as them.
The Operation EA was the highlight of the day. I could see that senior leaders really made a lot of efforts to make us feel fulfilled. Ryan Lee, our OG leader, was really "the best"! He did all the logistics so consummately and selflessly that I felt we could never thank him enough! With 4.5 kilo of water and drinks in his bag, two bagfuls of snacks in his hands, he walked at the front and displayed what Raffles spirit called for. Whenever we had problems with the task missions or we needed to consult station masters, he would take the lead and put our interests at first when everyone was so tired. He was the last one to have lunch when we enjoyed the air-conned environment and he bought doughnuts for each and every one of us when he was so burdened by his heavy bags and carry-outs. That was really how leaders should be like~(claps)
One great news: I've got my new school uniform, and it suited my hair fine^.^ Tomorrow I shall visit Nan Hua for video making and then got my luggage at NUSH. Life is getting busy, but just like what my House motto says, great people should "soar on the wings of courage".
G'alvea~
Good life~
During the Batch Dance, we had our dance partners assigned by senior OGLs. My partner was a Meris Stella guy. We cooperated quite well, especially due to the fact that Cheryl, our group leader, constantly told us how to twist our bodies. Anyway, maybe it's that my partner is from a male school, so he was actually quite shy at first. Thankfully the session was not over-taxing, so soon we carried on to learn the Batch Song, a "sweet"(as they called it) Dream Along With Me.
What really impressed me was the Cheers Session. It was supposed to be a time of "culture shock" when all Rafflsians clapped the beats and shouted out their cheers, but no! I was so touched when the girls taught me their cheers so earnestly and demonstrated the signals and beats so patiently and kindly. They were so considerate that I really felt at home, totally unlike the popularly adopted view of a potential "culture ultra-shock". So now I can proudly say that I've got the hang of all the learned cheers so far. Since they made me feel so included, I could do the Samba, Mat Rock and Raffles Jam (especially:P) just as well and enthusiastically as them.
The Operation EA was the highlight of the day. I could see that senior leaders really made a lot of efforts to make us feel fulfilled. Ryan Lee, our OG leader, was really "the best"! He did all the logistics so consummately and selflessly that I felt we could never thank him enough! With 4.5 kilo of water and drinks in his bag, two bagfuls of snacks in his hands, he walked at the front and displayed what Raffles spirit called for. Whenever we had problems with the task missions or we needed to consult station masters, he would take the lead and put our interests at first when everyone was so tired. He was the last one to have lunch when we enjoyed the air-conned environment and he bought doughnuts for each and every one of us when he was so burdened by his heavy bags and carry-outs. That was really how leaders should be like~(claps)
One great news: I've got my new school uniform, and it suited my hair fine^.^ Tomorrow I shall visit Nan Hua for video making and then got my luggage at NUSH. Life is getting busy, but just like what my House motto says, great people should "soar on the wings of courage".
G'alvea~
Good life~
Thursday, January 28, 2010
First Day in JC
Today marked the beginning of my JC life in Raffles. It was a breathtaking experience. The Principal's briefing was really inspiring. I felt so touched at moments when Mrs Lim introduced the school values and how we should behave to be a Rafflesian, the one who "raises the flag when none flew before", the one who "stops competing and start excelling", and the one who is "original", who is "the change that he wants to see". It was my first time to sit in such a grand lecture hall, with my peers all with the same excited expression. I was in awe~
As for matriculation, I decide to take the conventional combo BCME. Though it is supposed to be tough, challenging, and mentally draining, I am prepared for it. Biology is a bold choice, because all the modules we learn will be closely related to molecular biology, which is what takes a lot of efforts. Another bold choice is Economics, a new subject which none knows its true colour. Despite these concerns, I feel so relieved when many others take the same combi as me, especially those in my House. They really make great companion!
It is really astonishing to feel that in Raffles you can freely exchange your minds and thoughts with others. I am allotted to Buckle Buckley House, and there are real interesting people! Three Vietnamese boys from RI, one Korean, one Chinese(which is me), and all others are RP people. They can play wonderful games and you never feel short of conversation with them. Maybe I just like the environment in JC, where everyone is willing to know anyone else. There is one problem here: most of them are RI and RGS students, and we are the few JAE ones scattered around them, which means I have to memorise a lot of names while they only have to memorise one, in the case like my House when I am the only newbie there. Thank God that I did not get any freshman trick!
Tomorrow we will have batch dance and Eat Out session at Orchard/Bugis, it will be a draining day so I must get over-hydrated for now, and have a nice sleep! Sometimes it is really sad to know that some friends won't be taking the same course as you, but, like always, you can always make new friends outside OG.
By the way, we had OG Dinner together at Junction 8 tonight. It was so cool and so near our school! J8 really has the potential to be our frequent hangout place~
Another exciting news: I am not the only one in my OG Group, a RI scholar is staying in the Morrison Dorm, just oppposite my lovely Moor. So I could just walk with him and not get lost!
Now I have to submit my matriculation online, bye~
Hope everyone enjoy their "first day" in JC!
As for matriculation, I decide to take the conventional combo BCME. Though it is supposed to be tough, challenging, and mentally draining, I am prepared for it. Biology is a bold choice, because all the modules we learn will be closely related to molecular biology, which is what takes a lot of efforts. Another bold choice is Economics, a new subject which none knows its true colour. Despite these concerns, I feel so relieved when many others take the same combi as me, especially those in my House. They really make great companion!
It is really astonishing to feel that in Raffles you can freely exchange your minds and thoughts with others. I am allotted to Buckle Buckley House, and there are real interesting people! Three Vietnamese boys from RI, one Korean, one Chinese(which is me), and all others are RP people. They can play wonderful games and you never feel short of conversation with them. Maybe I just like the environment in JC, where everyone is willing to know anyone else. There is one problem here: most of them are RI and RGS students, and we are the few JAE ones scattered around them, which means I have to memorise a lot of names while they only have to memorise one, in the case like my House when I am the only newbie there. Thank God that I did not get any freshman trick!
Tomorrow we will have batch dance and Eat Out session at Orchard/Bugis, it will be a draining day so I must get over-hydrated for now, and have a nice sleep! Sometimes it is really sad to know that some friends won't be taking the same course as you, but, like always, you can always make new friends outside OG.
By the way, we had OG Dinner together at Junction 8 tonight. It was so cool and so near our school! J8 really has the potential to be our frequent hangout place~
Another exciting news: I am not the only one in my OG Group, a RI scholar is staying in the Morrison Dorm, just oppposite my lovely Moor. So I could just walk with him and not get lost!
Now I have to submit my matriculation online, bye~
Hope everyone enjoy their "first day" in JC!
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