Swim against the Tide

It has been more than one year and I still have the feeling that the phenix is yet to rise from the ashes. Many times I see people around me working harder, striving with fixed directions and bursting with exuberance and wonder when I can be like one of them, confident from within, the master of my soul. I keep my eyes on new hurdles and challenges emerging every so often, but the lethal drive for rebirth is not there. 

I am not completely my old self, the highly motivated and driven soul who acclaimed to the world at the end of every week:" Tomorrow, I will not be who I am today." I am improving in my tenacity and patience, although the result shows at such an alarmingly slow rate that my old motivated self finds unacceptable. I cannot escape the gloom of comparing with my peers, those who excel, who endeavour till the end, and those who keep reaching for the laurels. Being easily contented with my achievements is my foible. It hurts more when I see with my eyes that the reward for the humble is greater... 

One year to go before I can get admitted into my dream college, and it is a hard process to pinpoint my strengths, my passion and my uniqueness. I have always wanted to be unique, that is why I avoid the crowd and seek for experiences that distinguish my self from the masses. In Nan Hua, there is no match of me posed by the like of YC, but in Raffles, I have more than a healthy amount of matches who are driven, upbeat, and forward-looking. I sought alternative routes to define myself, becoming a Youth Ambassador, doing backbreaking volunteer work in Laos and Thailand, and tutoring kids in special needs schools. Maybe because I expect a lot from myself and thus face more setbacks when they do not materialise. 

The momentum for this year is really picking up. I can feel the heat burning inside every one of us. Being surrounded by geniuses is just one adaptation I am yet to accustomed to. Meanwhile, I should start finding my uniqueness that really distinguishes me as exceptional. Still waters run deep. Hopefully I can prove my mettle. 

Auspecium Melioris Aevi