I forgive U

Conformity comes with rules,

Maturity comes with ages.

Perceptiveness comes with experience,

Forgiveness comes with love.

To forgive is a virtue, but once again, nobody says it is easy.

Initial shock followed by gloom, initial hatred surrounded by bewilderment.

The giant gap swallowed by darkness, the slim crevice for the injuried to take shelter.

And there is always a saint. With him comes the light.

Then enlightment shall prevail.

A Lump

The wind was strong today. For the first time I felt I was almost blown away by the invisible force, tugging me and adamant to bring me to nowhere. Dining time has thinned once and once again and recently it has hit the all-time nadir of merely five minutes. The meal was nice, but could not be swallowed in that carefree way as usual. I felt a lump in my throat, blocking all my senses and feelings, just holding me down and down to the place unknown.

Was it pressure? Was it due to Mr Tan's important words on "21st May"? Was it due to Ms Ng's electrifying countdown to 35 teaching days? Or was it due to Principal's "work-hard" message? We can live our lives peacefully day in day out but at the end of each day we still have reasons to feel empty. We seem to be working all the time but when reality strikes we still can be as vulnerable as a stray. We are able to dream about the future but still feel the "realisation" so faraway, so vague, so intangible.

"Every household has its own business to worry." What are in my house? Can I sort it out?

Maybe the process of inspiration is also the process to feel the weight upon your shoulder, to feel the burden pulling you down, and to feel the lump in your throat. Six months of way to go. The time is always running so rationally that our irrational mind can never get the hang of it. You can see the door. You stretch out your arm. You take out the key. But you do not know whether the key fits in or not.

The bends will become straight by the time you set you hands on it. This time, if they do not turn straight, I will hammer it flat.

Hi! Babe, I'm on The Way~See you there, too.

Fate...

Fate has no logic. You cannot argue with it any more than you can argue with a tornado, and earthquake, a terrorist...

"There was once upon a time a farmer," I told myself, "who wanted to go across a tumultuous stream." "He carried with him two chicken, a cow, a cage of parrots, a baggage of cabbage, two sheep and the bow and arrows passed down from his ancestors as legacies. Facing the stream that was so full of peril, he faltered. He said once and once again to himself: if only I get get across with the bow and arrows, I am willing to drown all the others. But please...let me get away with my legacies..."

"The result was: he sailed across safely to the other side of the stream, leaving all his possessions on the bank except the bow and arrows. It was an exhausting journey, during which he thanked God once and once again for his holy help, and for his mercy that had calmed the water and let it abide his will. However, when he set his foot on the solid ground with the bow and arrows in his hands, he began to look glumly at the direction from which he had come, look glumly at the two chicken, the cow, the cage of parrots, the baggage of cabbage, and the two sheep, regretting that he had not bring them along. He cried and cried for that until the bow and arrows bagan to rust..."

"I'm like the farmer," I told myself again," only that I'm not going to let my bow and arrows rust...not like this."

One must learn to let go, if one has made a decision to abandon certain things.

Just like sometimes, you have to cut off one finger to save your palm...

E.M.P.Y without T~

Exams are over. No, exams were over. I was diving into a world of fantasy and a life of undreamable when I was suddenly knocked awake...

My dietary habits became more and more irregular. On the day after my last paper, I rushed back to do what I had been wanting to do for such a long time----watching online TV. This resulted in almost 12 hours sedative lifestyle without moving and dining. "The Phantom on Baker Street" was bewitching which held me fixated to the chair for more than two hours. I did not blame myself then, which I do now~Later I opened the even more dangerous Pandola's Box, Taiwanese drama series. I dived into "Meteor Garden" until my eyes became as dazed as meteors: a "browsing through the plot" ended up in a "2:35a.m night nap". That was horrendous! I didn't blame myself then, which I do now, but only slightly this time.

It has been three days since then, yet every day was so irregularly organised with tightly scheduled timetable heading to one place to another, appointments, gatherings. My feet almost swollened up as the yarning and moaning went on. I have never been so busy and tired. Ah Si said "without you (Shan) I could not breathe." I desire a breath, too, an emotional one, and at least a physical one.

Every night I bumped into my room and collapsed on my bed.

My brain could not work.

What was I rushing through?

At last I became my own sarcophagus.

But wait, let's cherish those "hurrying days" first and relish the sweetness in those moments:)

Guo shuai's 18th birthday:D:D:D

Female gang!

Pose...GO!

MM with his "little drink" :D (the mongo one, not the tiger, lol)

Sy wanted to hide his face, only succeeded doing it "partially"

Watching Champions League outside a pub.

Fans! 0.0

Went sightseeing along S'pore river.

Went to City Harvest with Shir, Merrien, and Xixi!


Zi geng di meeting at SPH~

People working hard...

Jiayou!

Life in Literature

Welcome to the world of C Lit...

Mind you, literature can be "fun", but a life in literature can really "mean" a lot, especially when exams are cramming in...even it is in Chinese...!

You have to etch a file in your memory...

Your white board will become a total change...

There is much to write about...

Even graph paper has to be used...you write on whatever you can find...

It can be colourful, just like a poisonous mushroom~~~

They appear as sms to shock you...

And all you can give are exclamation marks!!!

Life in literature can really "mean" something...you have to get yourself out of the whirlpool...
and try to "enjoy" the everyday"surprise" it gives you...

Titanic, Youth and so on...

I watched the Oscar epic Titanic again. It is still a touching movie with wonderful music and pictures at all times. Revolutionary Road these days make big news, from which we see the old Leo and Kate, both not as dazzling as they used to be 11 years ago. "Youth is a terrible thing," people say. Those who marvelled at Leo's beauty ten years ago might find his change in "shape" intolerable. Is "aging" really so terrible?

I used to be sympathetic towards Leonardo. After all that glory and youthful beauty, he let himself be carried by the wave of "aging", comparing to many other leading Oscar stars who still remain as prime as ever. However, after watching Titanic again, I find him a fortunate man. Despite all his fame, he after all does not pay that much attention on how he looks. He used to look good. He now does not. But he does not pity himself, which is why we should be like him: concentrating on what he has brought about with his beauty, rather than what his beauty is about. Titanic, a riveting movie unfazed by time, will forever live on, as a lifetime legacy in one's living years.

Young Leo.

Old Leo.

Let's remember him for his Jack.

Favourite lines in Titanic:

1."I've got you, I won't let you go."

2."Women and propellers don't make it."
3."That's interesting! You see people."
"I see you."
"And so?"
"I see you wouldn't jump."

4. "You are a spoiled little brat."

5. "To make it count, meet me at the deck."

6. "Listen! You cannot change anything!"

"Yea, only you can change yourself."

(ten minutes later)

" I've changed my mind."

7. "I want you to draw me like tha French lady. Wearing this."

"Hmm..ok"

"Wearing only this."

8. "You jump, I jump."

9. "To win the ticket is the luckiest thing in my life. It brought me to you."

10."What's your name, madame?"

"Dawson. Rose Dawson."

Haha, M&D

Hi, Mum,

Since you actually read this, I write this specially for you.

Tomorrow you will be leaving for Tai Yuan, you must be packing your things now:)

I have received all those photos. They are so endearing that make me forget about my C Lit.

You still look so pretty in every shot! I cannot wait to see you this November!

Wait...there is still O Level between us, a fight yet to begin.

I have told you that the most important thing I had learnt here was to be tolerant. Being away from home, I have to be tolerant, be tolerant to the distance that separates us, be tolerant to the misunderstanding happening around my everyday life, and be tolerant to the so-called injustice that can be labelled by you as "minor".

You are a great jigsaw player who makes every piece of my life fit in the whole picture of love and tolerance. I owe my growth to you.

For the first time, you can totally "abondon" us and go for your trip...I still remember ths past times when you sacrificed your journeys for us, for our three meals a day, and for our night-time chats. I still remember the time when you went to Shang Hai for the annual meeting three years ago, we had hot-pot with dad that made my tears run with the rising smoke and my missing for you.

So amazing! I have not met you for almost one year, and I survive that!

Indeed, there are so many things to keep me occupied here. Every time when I talk to you on the phone, it is either for "problem time" or to "de-emo". I am using jargon now. It merely means that I talk to you when I need something, which is a selfish act. I should not pour all my problems on you as if you are Semacau Landfill, though that is exactly what you continuously ask for. You are such a great backbone for me.

As for that "monster" in our home, he is so stunningly resourceful. For your information,(which you know better than me), he knows about events here more than us! With such a "monster" gluing to the screen every day, I am really spared of much trouble.

Of course, this can be seen as my Mothers'Day message to you. You know, two days from now, when the actual day is coming, I will be all fazed by my Literature exams. That will be when I begin to take the roller coaster.

By the way, your Nicy told me today that I could go for Singapore Flyer with her for "free", an incentive given by SingTel. We will go next Sat or Sun, and we will drop by Borders, too. Hopefully I can squeeze out time to go SPH, I still have work to do there.

Ok, good night. Have a nice trip!

Amy(don't spell my name as Awy, Nicy(Nancy) has already gone wild for your mistake:)

08/05/09

Hmm, you went to Yellow River without telling me!!!

How can you elope there? I am dying of jealousy>.<

I want my sweater~~~.~

BTW, mum you look so nice beside that "bear":D

"Hey, you!!!
What are you doing here in my favourite place?
Trying to intimidate me with your birthday cake??"
~~Ok, I shall not appear like a tyrant----though you stole my wine>:(
"Happy so be-lated birthday, DD."

"Mug" for Hist...Hitler~

When the stock market collapsed on Wall Street on Tuesday, October 29, 1929, it sent financial markets worldwide into a tailspin with disastrous effects.

The German economy was especially vulnerable since it was built out of foreign capital(thus proves the limitations of Dawes Plan in 1924 and Young Plan in 1929), mostly loans from America and was very dependent on foreign trade. When those loans suddenly came due and when the world market for German exports dried up, the well oiled German industrial machine quickly ground to a halt.

As production levels fell, German workers were laid off (blame on Weimar democratic government which held all the grudge from the middle-class, people were frantic in search of an alternate government, even extreme regimes appealed to them). Along with this, banks failed throughout Germany. Savings accounts, the result of years of hard work, were instantly wiped out. Inflation soon followed making it hard for families to purchase expensive necessities with devalued money.

Overnight, the middle class standard of living so many German families enjoyed was ruined by events outside of Germany, beyond their control. The Great Depression began and they were cast into poverty and deep misery and began looking for a solution, any solution.

Adolf Hitler knew his opportunity had arrived. (advocate expansionism in his Mein Kampf, deliberately outlined his ambitions as to create a Greater Germany, getting living space "lebensraum" for German-speaking people, along with his outright violation of Treaty of Versailles! He was determined to avenge for the humiliation at Paris Peace Conference)

In the good times before the Great Depression the Nazi party experienced slow growth, barely reaching 100,000 members in a country of over sixty million. But the Nazi party, despite its tiny size, was a tightly controlled, highly disciplined organization( a result of Hitler's reorganisation of Nazi Party) of fanatics poised to spring into action.

Since the failed Beer Hall Putsch in 1923, Hitler had changed tactics and was for the most part playing by the rules of democracy. Hitler had gambled in 1923, attempting to overthrow the young German democracy by force, and lost. Now he was determined to overthrow it legally by getting elected while at the same time building a Nazi shadow government that would one day replace the democracy.

Hitler began his career in politics as a street brawling revolutionary appealing to disgruntled World War One veterans predisposed to violence. By 1930 he was quite different, or so it seemed. Hitler counted among his supporters a number of German industrialists, and upper middle class socialites, a far cry from the semi-literate toughs he started out with.

He intentionally broadened his appeal(he achieved this by his excellent speaking skills, "rhetorics", his personal chrisma and his dazzling public meetings. Indeed he gave his people hope and confidence in a whirlpool of plights) because it was necessary. Now he needed to broaden his appeal to the great mass of voting Germans. His chief assets were his speech making ability and a keen sense of what the people wanted to hear.

By mid-1930, amid the economic pressures of the Great Depression, the German democratic government was beginning to unravel (here the Great Depression acted as a catalyst to the downfall of Weimar Government, as it forced the govenment to reveal its concealed weakness and indecisiveness).

Gustav Stresemann, the outstanding German Foreign Minister, had died(What a BLOW! The end to the so-called Golden Age) in October 1929, just before the Wall Street crash. He had spent years working to restore the German economy and stabilize the republic and died, having exhausted himself in the process.

The crisis of the Great Depression brought disunity to the political parties in the Reichstag. Instead of forging an alliance to enact desperately need legislation, they broke up into squabbling, uncompromising groups. In March of 1930, Heinrich Bruening, a member of the Catholic Center Party, became Chancellor.

Despite the overwhelming need for a financial program to help the German people, Chancellor Bruening encountered stubborn opposition to his plans. To break the bitter stalemate, he went to President Hindenburg and asked the old gentleman to invoke Article 48 of the German constitution which gave emergency powers to the president to rule by decree. This provoked a huge outcry from the opposition, demanding withdrawal of the decree.

As a measure of last resort, Bruening asked Hindenburg in July 1930 to dissolve the Reichstag according to parliamentary rules and call for new elections.

The elections were set for September 14. Hitler and the Nazis sprang into action. Their time for campaigning had arrived.

The German people were tired of the political haggling in Berlin. They were tired of misery, tired of suffering, tired of weakness. These were desperate times and they were willing to listen to anyone, even Adolf Hitler.