I am...

Today is Dragon Boat Festival, but I didn't have time to eat Zongzi.
Our supper is glutinous dumplings, I talked over the phone for too long and missed the meal.
It was after roll-call time, the security guard and the duty person were driving me out of the computer room, yet after seeing my morose face, they gave me an extra half-hour.
If you are unhappy, can you keep pretending?

Negative thoughts are dangerous. They do not suit me.
"They are unhealthy. Keep away from them."my mum always says.
"Do you know a person who is super narcissistic can be at the same time super self-deprecating?"I asked her.
She said it was not necessary.
But whoever knows it may be true.
At least for once.
And I hit the "jackpot"?

"Don't use expletives, it is not good."my deskmate told me.
"Do you think I want to?" I queried her.
Tolerance is key. I used to motivate myself like this.
But whoever knows? It may be the poison you are using to numb your freezing senses.
At least for once?
And I hit the "jackpot".

I like busy days.
They keep me busy that my brain cannot function otherwise.
So I fend off all the nonsense, which I label as "self-judgement" and "mature thoughts".
I dread leisure time.
When you are numbed in superficial bliss you are hurt by tugging pain.
When you close your eyes and you see the scenes.
You shout:"get out! Go to the dogs!"
Then you remember you are supposed to be tolerant.
Beyond any reasons.

Debate.
Translation.
Video filming and directing.
PTC.
Report.
Zi Gengdi.
English.
Soul.

"Why do you push yourself so hard?" a voice said.
"You are such a human dynamo." came another one.
"You know what you are living for."
"You are...for your age."

I'm....?
I know fully well~
There is no need for reminders.

Rain or sun, I shall keep living for the air.
My space..